!5 (SaVe us from the PaIn)'s Blurty

I've failed myself once again. I cut myself at work... It felt good, but I think one of my co-workers saw me because I was trying to make it look like an accident by cutting myself with a knife in the sink while washing dishes. So I don't know if she saw it that way or not.
I don't know exactly why I did it, I just know I wanted to and did. I don't regret it really.

Blah, sometimes I think I'm really going crazy because of the things I do and think.

Dear Justin,
I just want you to know that I love you very much. I also want you to know that I cut myself, and knowing that you wouldn't understand, and me not being able to explain why, I apologize. I'm sorry for the way I am. I wish that you could understand the feeling that I get from it, and how I relied on my razor for so long. Please try to understand that to me it's like a drug. I'm addicted and I know it. It's like no matter how hard I try to explain myself to you about it, it always seems to come out wrong or you just don't want to hear it. I don't do it over you just so you know. It's different things in life that have me stressed out to the max!!! Please, please, just listen to what I have to say. Let me trust you with everything I have even though I may regret it in the end. I do want to spend the rest of my life with you, so you will see the scars, and soon you will grow use to them as you see them more. I know you hate it, but to me they are beautiful in a way because they are a part of me, and my past. I know you love me, but just make sure you can be with me and try to understand what cutting is to me. I promise to you that it will never get out of control anymore, but sometimes I may slip up. Just please don't ever leave me over something that I've basically always done.
I love you Justin.

Love Always,
Jessi

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