| 9:53a |
when everything goes to hell,
i scratchedd the shit out of my arm last week. just with a pushpin. i scratched and scratched until little beads of blood popped up out of my skin. then i stopped. it felt like a c ompromise... i didnt want to 'cave' after 7 months of not cutting, but i had to feel something. i was feeling so numb, so spinny... i couldn't focus on anything.
the stinging felt so good. sooooo goood.
and now all i want to do is bleed for real. to watch the blood run down my arm, or leg, or whatever. to feel the warm trickle as gravity paints me red.
oh well.
for now, i am resisting.
my boyfriend is still disappointed in me for the scratches. imagine if it were real cuts.
bleh.
i love you all |