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Thursday, February 14th, 2008
| Time | Event |
| 10:37a | Just got a good look at myself in the mirror. I gained almost 10 pounds within a few months =/ This isn't like me. I was always "chubby" because it's just how I'm built. It runs in the family sorta thing. But I've never been "fat" and I think it's fast approaching. =/ And I know it's my own fault. My treadmill sits in my room .. unused .. And it sure doesn't help that my best friend (on here her name is toxic_disorder) went to a chinese buffet yesterday =[ I don't know what to do. I used to hardly eat and now I eat all the time. The more I see my ugly body, the more I want to cut it all up. Cut it into pieces and throw it away. I'm chewing on a lollipop my mom gave me for valemtine's day to get my mind off of eating something. It's been almost a month now since I talked to the person I'm in love with. I just checked her myspace and it says she's off of work all day to spend it with her girlfriend. =/ Boy I wish that girl was me. But I feel so selfish for wanting her so badly, because I know she's in a relationship with someone else. And I would just be selfish to steal her. But I want her sooooo bad. .. . . |
| 8:03p | so the skool sent out fat notices now .. i know i'm fat i don't need them reminding me. i hear it enough from people .. why is it accepted for people to make fun of those who are overweight? i don't get it. make one racist comment or say shit about a preppy ... you're ass will be dead i'm not prejudice in any way .. i treat ppl with respect., i'd appreciate that in return. it's one thing for the skool to bring it up but it's another thing when u vent to a friend .. and they laugh about it .. pratically announce it to the whole skool .. and make u feel like shit not to mention he shouted it out to a friend of mine .. i wanna lose it on him and just tell him to fuck off. that being said i probably will if i talk to him tonight. i want to cut so bad right now. tim makes me feel so good. but there's always someone there to remind us of our flaws .. so that when u were feeling good .. don't worry it won't last.. i wish i could disappear for a little while. i want to cut so bad .. it's been a little while since did anything. i only did about 3 or 4 that we're hardly anything. that was janurary 9th. they barely counted. aside from that .. it's been 5 months since i did and serious damage that scared.. that's a long time for me. i'm trying to remember that.. yet it urge is so tempting at the moment. i hate skool .. and i hate the people in it .. Current Mood:  contemplative |
| 8:38p | *sigh* so i guess u can say i'm agravated .. two seconds after writing the last post i was talking to tim. and idk .. but i'm not feeling to good right now .. don't really wanna get into too much detail .. he says he loves me .. but how can he even bring up the thought of someone else .. even if it didn't mean anything ? he told me that this other grl keeps bothering him to go out with her .. and he said to shut her up he brought it up to me .. about sharing .. now he said that she mean's nuthing and it doesn't matter to him .. he just did it to shut her up right ? but y? i understand if he brought up about a grl asking him out i'm kool with that .. but even if it was "out of curtosy to her and to get her to shut up" why would he even ask if he knows my answer? am i just never gunna be good enough? i question that. but he told me that he doesn't want to mess this up .. he just wanted to ask .. and be honest .. but it still bothers me alot .. it's really not helping right now... Current Mood:  scared |
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