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Monday, February 11th, 2008
| Time | Event |
| 12:41a | Alone? I know I'm not the only person in the world who feels pain, but boy, 95% of the time it sure does feel like I'm the only one. Am I not paying close enough attention or do people do a good job at faking it like I do? They have to be faking it. I'm a pretty observant person. I pay close attention to the people around me. They must just be damn good fakers. I'm pretty good at putting on a fake smile but when people ask me how I'm doing I say "good" just so they wont ask questions and go with themselves but my response is never to enthusiastic. I think the people who have been around me enough know that I am lying when I say it. Complete strangers don't know the difference though. I just want to reach out and touch someone and cry with them and hold each other and feel good knowing that we're not alone. I've never been an affectionate person...not because I don't want to be...just because the thought of human affection just terrifies me. Its not something I'm used to. Current Mood:  lonelyCurrent Music: Smashing Pumpkins - Hummer |
| 10:16a | Well I can't necessarily say that I cut last night but I did reopen my cuts from Thursday. I think they bled more this time than they did on Thursday. I just feel like since I cut Thursday I don't have any reason not to cut. I was two and a half weeks w/o cutting and then I went and did it anyways. It's so easy to get back into it. There were days in a row where I didn't think about cutting at all and now it's on my mind constantly. it sucks. nicole |
| 9:48p | crap...I have to go swimming with gym class on friday. Thats just great, everyone's gonna ask me where the cuts on my legs are from. Since my best friends left, nobody at school knows that I cut. I dont want to have to go through all of those excuses again. I can hide the ones on my wrist, but how the hell am i gonna hide them on my legs? anyone any ideas? My dad has been yelling at me continuously ever since i got home and I just want him to stop. It makes me want to crawl in a corner and just put my hands over my ears not to hear anything. right now it is so tempting to get out the razor and drag it across my arm... iensjj Current Mood: feels like hiding in a corner Current Music: placebo - song to say goodbye |
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