| 6:45p |
"I am happy for myself.
I know it takes strength and alot of personal will power.
To pull something off like this.
For this long.
But I miss doing it.
I miss the way it used to make me feel.
I don't want to start again but I am/did.
I just feel like if I don't do it.
I'm not.
Who I say I am.
Without it I'm not me."
i too havent cut since june, and apart of me misses it, i feel like its me. so i agree with what u said
nobody has searched my stuff and i to wonder if they care
nobody sees that im screaming and dying on the inside...
so if i werent to awake tomorrow, it makes me wonder if they'd even notice.
well not cutting since june is now an overstatement, i did it again last night, but the rush came back and it was a feeling of relif as i opened the skin..
its like the pain bothers the blood, and the blood begs the skin to let it out so it can run free from the pain
but the skin tries to resist then begins begging the blade, the blade too tries to resist, but its all too much and it also gives in...then the pain is free, and we sigh with relif, the deeper i go, the better i feel
i no its sadistic...and for those who say i need counceling, id like u too no that i am in counceling and have been for two months. |