| 1:23a |
Theres just too much shit going on at home... i cant take it anymore, i only want to disappear, go somewhere else so i can forget about everyone. i dont complain anymore about "this" or "that" i used to bitch about everything, now im just numb... and it makes me feel sick, sad, stupid... im numb to everything, i need to fucking bang my head against the wall. I dont know where or how to find the REAL ME.. i dont know where did i lost myself, where is my sanity? I dont even know how deeper i should cut now, i hate looking at my legs, i hate my arms, my thighs.. im gross... i hate being fat, its so frustrating to look at the mirror and see this ugly fat person covered with thousands of scars.
I want my skin to come off, i want to cut my stomach.. to slice my thighs, make the fat go away... i want to punch myself, to pull my hair, to bite my arms. I want this feeling to go away. I dont want to feel like this anymore, when did i ask to be such an unhappy person? I feel worthless, stupid, selfish and i cant stop crying.. im crying so hard, so loud... the tears are falling and so the blood is. I dont want to cry anymore! I wake up and the first thing that comes to my head is "why am i still fucking alive?" I dunno where does all this despair come from, i wish i was dead. God i feel so lonely.
I know anyone gives a shit about how i feel... everybodys so sick about me, i am too.
I dont wanna go to bed just because i know i will wake up tomorrow tomorrow.
So im crying myself to sleep tonight... theres nothing else i can do. Im giving up
Sorry about this... i know you guys dont care about me... im really sorry i just dont have anyone i can talk to.
Current Mood: Shitty |