| 9:03p |
ive kinda felt wired lately. its not like i want to cut. i just dont know whats wrong. like it just seems like my summer has been absolutely nothing.. my parents have been complete assholes to me lately.. and there is this guy who just completely screwed me over. he said he liked me and we talked every single day. then he just randomly stoped talking to me all together. and if i try to call him or something he wont answer. yet i know he is there. and i guess i just dont understand. i did absolutely nothing wrong, i guess at least that i know of. but thats just really been bothering me. but i havent gotten any feeling of cutting. which is really wierd cause normally thats my first resort. maybe this means something.. like i dunno.. maybe i dont need it anymore. but then again, i feel like shit. so like i need something thats gonna make me feel better. but honestly cutting has been the only thing that has made me feel good about stuff. and its just been so long that i dont know what else i can do to make myself feel good about situations. i really want to talk to someone about everything thats going on. but i feel like i cant. no one is really here for me anymore. its hard to explain cause if you asked my friends they would say that they are here for me whenever i need them. but when i do need them.. they arent there. its not like they are meaning to do it or anything.. and im not saying they arent good friends. its just i feel like im completely alone right now. and everytime i feel like im actually enjoying myself.. then i just think like how can i be happy? im not. like at all. and i serioulsy need something, anything, to just come into my life. just anything thats gonna make me feel like im supposed to be here, or that im worth something. |