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Tuesday, June 13th, 2006
| Time | Event |
| 5:10p | =( i caved... Current Mood:  numb |
| 10:52p | newbie hi. i'm new here. i never knew what this community was about, and i guess now i have a pretty good idea. i was motivated to join because my mom finally saw my scars...she mistook them for bruises, then tattoo's at first, but after a few sightings, she realized they actually said things. i havent done it since april though. so i'm proud of myself. but the urge still comes back. i thought i was over it until she saw it and brought it up and persecuted me and branded me evil...n that hurts....especially since i did it in the first place because of how she made me feel. anyway, enough babbling...but hi. |
| 11:44p | Just thoughts I need to let out. Thinking... thoughts racing through my mind... I miss being depressed because life was just so easy to give up on.. It seemed like days just passed by, and I didn't even care. Now.. I'm more aware of everything... And I hate it. I hate thinking... So, I turn to drugs. They take my mind away..and I love being anywhere besides in my mind and body. It's not right hating yourself this much... I'm going to crash one day... I'm going to turn to the wrong drug... and my body is going to give up on me.. And I'll end up going down like every rock star out there. I haven't cut since...January 18th I believe... It hasn't been easy.. I haven't taken a Valium (my addiction) since Oct. 31, 2005.. ::sigh:: And I fucking cry thinking about it.. Because anyone who has an addiction knows... KNOWS how hard it is to go through life without something you "need" ...My mom got Valiums today..And I'm scared for her to come home... Because I know I'm going to check her purse.. ::sigh:: I am SICK of being sick... I want to be better... So, to avoid Valiums and cutting.. I turn to everything else. Pot..Alcohol...Probably throw Coke and XTC in there soon, too. I don't know... I know I'm fucking up... But, I just want to be better... That's all. -Natalie I want more scars because I'm sick of looking at these. Current Mood:  blank |
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