!5 (SaVe us from the PaIn)'s Blurty

its been like 20 er so days since ive cut.
i think im doing pretty good. the last time
i did it was because of my parents. they
stopped trusting me ever since i started
to drink a little. i only did it like twice, but
to them that doesnt matter. so everything
i do now its like they are sitting there watchin
me. and i have absolutely no freedom. i used
to lock myself in my room to cut. and if they
knocked i told them i was getting dressed er
something like that. but now that they think im
some huge 'alcoholic' er something, i have no
privacy in my house what so ever. and its not
like i can drive. so i cant just get up and go
somewhere. so like i think it was kinda for the
best. cause i havent gotten the chance to cut,
which means i havent done it in so long. [well
20 days is long for me] but also i lost soo many
of my friends when i drank those two times. they
all thought that i changed so much and that i was
some loser er whatever. so as of now i dont have
as many friends as i used to. and youd think that
would be a bad thing, but its given me the chance
to make new friends. and these new friends dont know
that i cut. and that takes a lot of pressure off of me.
i dont have to always tell them my problems. instead
i get to just have a good time and hang out a lot.

so i guess im doing a lot better. at least it seems like it.
i kinda dont know what its gonna take now to get me to
cut again. it feels like everything is going good right now.
so i cant even imagine whats gonna happen.. cause right
now everything is too good to be true it seems. so im
waiting for it i guess. and i really hope i can be strong and
not cut. i think i can do it. but as you all know, its hard..