!5 (SaVe us from the PaIn)'s Blurty

today hasn't been that great. i can't stand it. i can't stand myself and how i act. i just want everything to go back to normal. i want my mom and i to have a mother-daughter relationship like we used to. i just can't help but to snap at her everytime she says something. i've been so short with her. i avoid her as much as i can. i'm hardly ever home or when i am jon's here. or i'm downstairs and shes upstairs.

at school things have been alright. i still havent gone to my business class for a good two weeks. jon hates my bestfriend karen. he's such a jerk to her sometimes and it makes me sad, because they're the people i love the most in my life right now and they can't even look at eachother without telling me how much they hate eachother. it stresses me out and it shouldn't. i'm so tired of hearing about their problems. i'm sorry, but this shouldn't be my issue, i shouldnt have to hear about it everyday.

i spent the night watching home videos in my basement crying, because things aren't the way they used to be. i know they never will, but it's sad to see how my relationships were like and how much they've changed... mostly for the bad. looking back on everything that's happened to me, everything i've experienced... i just cant see the good all the time. it seems like nothing is getting better and if it starts to it only gets worse. there's no winning.