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Wednesday, December 21st, 2005
| Time | Event |
| 1:18a | *Can I Have A New One?* I wish I could get a new life, I don't like the one I have. My home life=Bad, my work life=Bad, my soon to be school life is already=Bad. I don't know what else I have to live for, or what else I have left to put effort into. My boyfriend cheated and I can't leave him, I have no money right now for X-Mass gifts. So the people who I can't get things for are going to be angry, I say sorry to them right now. I just feel like I am a walking door mat, please come in and walk all over me. Ignore my feelings and wipe you're shoes on me, feel free to do with me what you wish. That's what I'm here for. Current Mood:  crushedCurrent Music: *Moive* |
| 8:49a | hey ppl. i haven't posted here in a while. i was in a complete psycho mode and wanted to die the last time i was on here. sry about that. i tried but i'm still here as usual. now i don't reely want to die bcuz i have a great bf and shit and i don't want to hurn him or my friends. but now i have something wrong with me. i have some messed up infection and i'm mildly bleeding to death. i'm taking stuff for it but it's getting worse. i'm not onlycoughing up blood now i'm having nose bleeds o go along with it. i woke up this morning and my pillow was covered in blood, it was grose. my stomach keeps getting these sharp pains and shit bcuz of the infection.. if the pills don't stop it then i need an oporation and if that doesn't stop it then i will die. and for once i don't reely want to die which is ironic. this all has something to do with wut happened not too long ago. when i got pregnant and lost the baby it did something and somehow i developed and infection. my friends don't even know about the whole pregnancy thing cuz i couldn't tell them. some of my friends did ask how the infection started but i juss said idk even though thats not true. i didn't want them to know. mizegan if you're reading this then i'm sry i never said nething. i'm not exactally prowd of wut i did. this is messed up. i've beed coughing up blood for 9 days now. it's getting reely annoying. i can't even eat ne more cuz when i do i juss barf it up. i can't take this. if it doesn't g away soon then i might make it go away myself cuz i can't stand the pain ne more. it's driving mr crazy! i won't find out if i'm gtting ne better until monday. i have an appointment then. i'm reely hoping that i get good news but since it doesn't seem to be getting better it's not looking hopeful. idk.... well i'm in skool so i g2g for now. Current Mood:  scaredCurrent Music: sevendust: enemy |
| 12:43p | hmm. so I'm done with finals until the end of the year. I ended up getting a C on my Honors Geometry final. and that class is the equivilant to hell. I was pretty much failing that class the whole entire year. and I'm proud that my over all grade is a C. my dad was the one to tell me that I got a C in the class and on my final. and I asked him, "Are you proud of me?" and he was like "Well, you could have done better..." and I sat on my bed. I was fucking about to start crying. Wow. Too bad I'm not good enough for him. hm. then I was like "well." and he was like "I'm (some word that starts with a P and it's like not proud but not mad.)" FUCK THAT SHIT. I fucking went into my bathroom and took a pencil and fucking carved an X in my hand. and it stung. but it didn't really bleed. and that pissed me off. and the scars on my calf are crazy. they look like they're still like scabs. it's crazy. maybe I can get a picture up...I'll see about that. hmm. okay well. Hope everyone's holidays go well! xoxo ♥ Brandi |
| 9:42p | fuck this...its not worth going back again...nothing is...i had one dream left, one hope that i was holding onto with both hands, trying to keep it safe, but its been ripped away, bloodying my fingers, killing my dream... i worked as hard as i could all year...i got 93% as my school grade, which is 18.5 or something like that...i get a 16 as my final grade...HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT WORK??????????????????????????????? i guess i was right all along...my best isnt good enough for anyone.... excuse me while i rip myself to shreds, looking for the flaw that means i cant do anything right, even when i give it everything ive got, and more... SSABSA can shove my biology score up their asses... (sorry guys, but im just really really pissed about this, and i needed to get it out) anyways, hope you guys are doing okay, i was until now... Love you all, stay strong, ~Tamesan~ Current Mood:  frustratedCurrent Music: Wait and Bleed - SlipKnoT |
| 9:48p | *My Secion With Little L* I went to see my concler... Her name is Lilly, but I call her Little L... And she's one of thouse people, where you can call her any time... And see her any time... I really love that about her, and I am glad I can see or talk to her wen ever I need her... My family doesn't know I still go out and see her, if they knew I would be shut off completly from her... They think she's bad for me, they think she is "Putting away my problems"... Whatever, I know she is doing good for me... Here's my secion with her, I just got home from seeing her... Here's what we were talking about... Oh and she calles me Ander, so that's who is going to be on here... But don't worry that name, means me... Little L- Is everything ok? Do you need to see me? Ander- Ya I have been having problems, and the phone is not working Little L- Alright what time do you want to see me? Now? Ander- Ya! Now is good! Little L- Alright the door is open, come on in. ---------------------------------------- Little L- So what's been going on? How are things at home? How are you and David doing? Ander- I would rather not say anything about home, or David. Little L- Then what did you want to talk with me so badly, about? Ander- I think I have an eating diorder... Little L- Why do you say that? Ander- Cause I don't eat, and wen I do it makes me sick. Little L- Anything else? Ander- David told me I do, and he begs me to eat. But I still say no. Little L- Do you think you don't eat to get back at him? For all the wrong he has done to you? Ander- *Nods head* Little L- Do you want to eat? Ander- *Shrugs shoulders* Ander- I just came over for you're opion, do you think I have an eating disorder? Little L- Yes, yes I do. ---------------------------------------- And the rest of it, I chose not to show you all... Please don't be mad, but I would like some people's opion on if they think I have an eating disorder or not... So let me know what you think, I think I am going to die... Current Mood: crappyCurrent Music: *War Of The Worlds* |
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