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Friday, December 9th, 2005
| Time | Event |
| 12:16p | ...apparently me and invisiblity have come together again and become one...*sigh* No one sees me...Or even cares to see me...I know...I don't mean to whine...but it isn't like anyone really reads my crap anyhow. Is snowing like mad right now...so I can't go to Wal-mart and buy new razors with my money I just got yet...But we need to go so I WILL be buying new razors...I just don't care anymore. *Sigh* I've been cutting steadily again...I just haven't been posting it...I've got about...hell over 30 new cuts on my thigh...an 3 new words craved in...Unwanted...Die...Dead...Which is not easy to do with a dull razor...I kept hoping I'd get an infection and just die in my sleep or something...Ah no such luck...You just really can't outrun this... Current Mood:  indescribableCurrent Music: |
| 2:38p | Not Really There Is she even here? Can't anyone hear her? Screams of release Cries of help Tears of hopelessness Invisible to everyone She walks through life A shadow of what was A shimmer of what could have been Its all gone now Replaceable to everyone who knew her No one is missing her How so very unimportant she is Where did she go wrong? Love and understanding was all she needed Empty promises Fake emotions Very real scars She was just a toy wasn't she... |
| 3:27p | okay.. well my boyfriend and I have been not having problems.. not between us but with other people... Like seeing each other... it really sucks... I mean his dad is tormenting him.. not giving him rides... mentally abusing him... we havent seen each other in 3 weeks and his dad is always threataning to turn off the phone... and not give him rides to see me... he used to but quit cus he figured out we had sex and lost all respect for me.. and it is so hard... people dont understand.. and my friends and family are like its okay and all this shit but its not.... and well the other night cus of all the stress I cut again.. and my boyfriend knows..... i used to cut and he knows it and well so did he.. bad. but I dont know what to do.. Im all stressed and I want to cut but I shouldnt... I know I shouldnt.. I am way beyond depressed... 5 months seems like a long time... how am I gonna make it without going crazy? Am I crazy already? I know casey and I will make it... Im not afraid of that... Im just afraid of totally breaking down back into depression again cus I really miss him..... ya.. Im new to this community... please make a comment- Bre |
| 7:58p | *Never Born Again* I don't even know what to do anymore... Everything is going wrong... I can't do anything right it seem's... I try so hard... And everything falls apart... Work is killin me... School is gonna kill me... And my mom thinks were "friends" again... I can't keep track with all my money... I don't like to eat anymore... My knee is getting worse... I don't sleep... I can't keep track of things at work... People are talking AGAIN... I am liying to pepole I don't even know... People don't leave me alone... X-Mass is getting on my worst side... I am lossing body weight and sleep... I am lossing my mind... I lost $10.00 on a walk today... I gave my last 7$ to the GoodWill today... I have no money left now because I gave, not saying it was a bad thing. I love to help thouse poor people... I try and help people but get nothing in return... I try and do the right thing... And then I do the right thing, but get in trouble anyway... I hate this life... ... Current Mood:  distressedCurrent Music: *Natalie On The Phone* |
| 10:51p | FOR ALL OF YOU WHO ARE ON NOW... okay so today i cut (hi by the way..) today i cut at school, in the bathroom...in an angry rage. i cut alot, on my lower leg. and i look at them now and some of then are dark dark purple, like bruised, and some of the blood when i was doing it was the same color...so i stopped. WHAT DOES THIS MEAN??? i put neosporin on it and wrapped it with shit cuz now im all paranoid. has this happened to anybody else? does it go away? at times like these i dislike cutting alot but it felt soooooooooo good. :( Current Mood:  worriedCurrent Music: hustle and flow |
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