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Thursday, December 8th, 2005
| Time | Event |
| 1:32a | :(   Current Mood:  depressed |
| 9:44a | I caught myself cutting last night... I was playing with my knife on the love seat while my GF... no, ex GF... hell... I dunno what to call her. She's still my heart... but we're not together right now... like I feel we should be together but I know that there's more left to work on. One day at a time. I'm sure that played a role in it. Anyway she was on the phone with friends and I started to zone out. In any case I started playing with my knife and jabbing the blade into my thigh last night, first it was just bouncing off my skin, then the I started pushing harder and harder till I realized I was pushing hard enough that soon I'd break skin. I was shocked and stopped right away. Why, even subconsciously, do I feel the need to push myself to that edge... Current Mood:  awakeCurrent Music: VNV Nation - Cold |
| 10:27a | Bleed Me Beautiful My heart bleeds no more; now, it's been turned to stone. You're stomach feels sick for someone else. I've broken both my legs falling for you. Drag me on the ground. Powerless I stand, tarnished blade, cutting through, pushed into my vein. Blood still stains my hands. Sharpening my sense of pain outside My heart bleeds no more now, it's been turned to stone. You're stomach feels sick for someone else. I've broken both my legs falling for you. Drag me on the ground. Killing everything off inside. Make sense of everything you tried to hide, hide from me. My heart bleeds no more; now, it's been turned to stone. My stomach feels sore from cutting up. I ruined all my sanctity for you. Smash me on the ground. I wanted to, convince myself there's nothing else to do. I wanted to. Provide you with proof of what you put me through. I wanted to. Pretend that it was you. "you're the worst thing that's ever happend to me" "dieee" Killing everything off inside. Make sense of everything you tried to hide, hide from me. My heart bleeds no more; now, it's been turned to stone. You're stomach feels sick for someone else. I've broken both my legs falling for you. Smash me on the ground. -- sooooooo im totally in love with this song and could listen to it over and over again i thought i would just share it with you gusy, well i hope everyone is doing okay and that everything is well. . .i cut yesterday so 4 days its a record. xo. x3.carissa. Current Mood:  annoyedCurrent Music: Bleeds no more- Silverstein |
| 5:03p | Should I feel used? okay. so. I havent cut in a little over two weeks. and after today, I'm using every power within to not cut. like. me and Dusty finally kissed. and it wasnt at all how I imagined it to be. to tell you the truth, I didnt really like it. but oh well. && Jake, the junior that I practically am in love with, pretty much shot me down. although I really didnt talk to him. my friend Jamie, who is also a junior, asked him about me and he said "she's adorable, but it'd be weird dating a freshman" alright. I can take a hint...ugh. I hateee boys. and today, I went to the funeral for Lena's grandpa. I want to cry still. and I just don't know. seeing him, laying in the casket, I wanted to cut. then and there. I don't know what has been getting into me lately. maybe I'm just lonely. or just a whore. whatever. I don't even know. but I really think I'm lonely. and I just want to cut. and I don't want to because I want to keep my record. but ahh. it's killing mee. maybe I will tonight, maybe I won't. and maybe I'm jealous. my ex, the one I went out with for less than 24 hours, well. he's pretty much all over Lena and he has a fucking girlfriend. and I don't even like him anymore. and idk. I just want to be looooved. *ugh* sorry about all the bitching and whining and complaining. loves to all. xoxo ♥ Brandi Current Mood: crushed |
| 6:42p | hey ♥ alright-- i know this is a WEiRD request, but like the entry below, does anyone else have pictures of their cuts? it seems to calm me or something in some way. anything would be appreciated. xoxo <3 ♥ <3 ♥ ps;; i'm new here. the names Skyler. |
| 9:17p | *Are You Sure?* I don't know what to do here... I hate this whole thing... I am being backstabbed no matter where it is I go... People look at me... They judge me without even knowing me... Most people would get moved up in our job... But no... Not me... People assume I am saying things... When things have not even been said... I don't know who to belive... Who to like... Who to hate... I don't know if I can say anything... I am scared to even say anything at work... People are so confussing... And then once again I hear... All these mean things about me... No matter where I go... This keeps hapening... It happends at work... It happends at my step dads food place... I might as well... Go through my life... Go through my life doing what I need to... I should go to work, do my job, eat, sleep, have some fun, and then slowly and surely enough die... Becasue I can't take this shit anymore... If I can't cutt... Which I have not in a long time.. Go me... But if I can't cutt, cause my mind won't let me.. Then I don't eat... Yep I have a new sickness... My dignosses...sorry if spelled wrong... But my dignosses is... Sleep problems... And eating problems.. Yes if I can't cutt, then I can't eat... Or if I must eat... Then I must not sleep... Tho I have seen what not sleeping can do to me, I am mean, I can't stand up, I fall over all the time, and on top of that. I get crazy, I don't remember what I said a few seconds ago, it's all bad. It's just all bad. Givin what has happend... Answers are wanted... Current Mood:  complacentCurrent Music: *Meet The Parents* |
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