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Tuesday, December 6th, 2005
| Time | Event |
| 12:31a | I had done so well. I went for almost a month. I ruined it tonight. With 4 deep, dark lines across my skin. I thought...I was doing better... My friend is dropping out of school and moving an hour away. I love her. I dont want her to leave. <3 Liv Current Mood:  crushed |
| 12:37a | hey, haven't posted here in quite a while.. haven't cut for a while either.. it's been 6 months now.. still i don't feel like celebrating.. it's in your core.. you can cut and stop for 3 years but you know you will never stop with this.. this easy way expressing the feelings to bad for words.. it's this damned socioty (i'm dutch so sorry for the spelling errors :S:S), were if it doesn't fit in the picture of the people it's bad.. smoking is as bad as cutting.. smoking is accepted.. cutting isn't.. it's fucked up that you not just can say hey listen you.. yeah you, people who know me.. guess what i haven't cut for 6 months.. no there suprised anyway as to what drives people to cut.. I can't really say it's good but it's a answer to your problems sometimes.. if it was just that easy that i knew the answer to why cut.. and the remedy for that.. would it make me stop? even when not doing it.. you think about it.. a lot.. So i guess i'll go on "celebrating" my 6 months with the same old acking and craving for the cuts.. Bye Current Mood:  blah |
| 8:15p | yo momma been cutting on and off lately. only really when im upset, which is back to the way things used to be. for a while there i was cutting just to see the blood, just to cut. Cutting just to cut. But now its back to feeling that frustration and emptiness and needing to do SOMETHING... so i do it less, but more when i DO do it. I guess it all evens itself out. *sigh* it would be easier if i had someone i could call and talk to every day. it gets so frustrating i talk to myself a lot these days. i dont think it makes me crazy, just lonely. i already know im crazy. hah. i told the owner of the Canadian tire i work at today that i had mental illness. lol he asked me why i only work three days a week, and i said 'i have some mental health problems... i suffer from a cyclic depression and some days i just can't get out of bed.' it was weird. i was like, so honest. and open. and he was just like.. 'ok'. it felt nice to tell the truth. im so used to lying.... saying i get sick or something. but i was like, nope im just crazy. :) woot. hope everyone is doing ok hang in there homies. WERD TO YOUR MOTHER! ... sorry. im feeling silly. Current Mood:  amused |
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