!5 (SaVe us from the PaIn)'s Blurty

Holiday Journal
You’d figure since we were going to visit Family on a holiday dad wouldn’t even think about getting drunk….No such luck. *sigh* We weren’t even on the road yet and he stopped at a damn liquor store…and bought got knows how many little shots of Smirnoff and beer apparently. What the fuck is wrong with this family? I mean WE’RE driving man…He’s got BOTH his kids with him. Not that he cares much about me anyhow but damn it Dominic is in here. I know he loves that kid. So why would he get drunk and risk all our lives? I honestly don’t understand this man. HA! And he said as we drove off from the store “and I’m appreciates it if you didn’t tell anyone about our drive up here because he didn‘t need any help getting into trouble” *Jaw drops* I thought to myself “well if you didn’t do this shit in the first place to get into trouble then we wouldn’t have this problem now would we?” Anyhow… I shrugged and said I wouldn’t because I’d probably just sleep the whole way (if I’m going to die in a car accident I’d rather but be awake for it) and he said “Yeah well you have a history of telling people” OMG SO ITS MY FAULT HES DRINKING WHILE HES DRIVING!? Fuck that. I might take my share of shitty blame but there’s no way I’m taking the rap for this. *Shakes head* So far the holiday has kicked off with a rather sour note…Did I really think this would be any different? Whatever.

You know its very obvious I’m upset. BUT DOES HE STOP HIS STUPID DRINKING TO EVEN NOTICE AND ASK WHATS WRONG!? Not like I’d tell him or anything but damn it it’s the thought and the awareness that means something. God what did I do so wrong that I got stuck with him? I know he probably thinks the same damn thing about me after all who wants a freak for a daughter? I don’t understand this one bit. I want to just turn to him and throw his own stupid empty bottles of booze at his head and scream “wake the fuck up. Don‘t you realize you could kill us all!?” But what if he just laughed and said “So what?” God. *Shakes head* I don’t need this. I really don’t. I should have just said no when he asked me to come with him to CT. I feel so bloody down now. Not that I’ve been doing great for the past few days but this is just making it worse. I wish I’d brought all my sleeping pills so I could just pass out whenever I wanted. OR AT LEAST A RAZOR! Man. How stupid do I get? Apparently very. You know sometimes I wonder if God put me on this world to show others how not to live and how not to get stuck with people like this. If he did boy do I owe him a big fat punch in the face and kick right in the balls. I don’t know anymore. Maybe I never knew. *sigh*

Okay yes just when I thought nothing worse could happen…It does. I went to sleep early because hell I’d only had 4 hours of sleep. Of course it took me about 2 hours to get Dominic to go upstairs and hang out with dad while I passed out but hey he finally left! Heh. Anyhow suddenly I wake up…(I was guessing it was around 12-1ish.) and dads yelling into Grampy’s house phone. Okay yeah so I turn over and pretend to be asleep. He only gets louder. WTF! He might not care if he wakes me up but damn it my little brother is right next to him. I didn’t know (still really don’t either) (and damn it guess who just woke up because dads yelling in the bathroom?! Poor Dominic *sigh*) what’s going on between dad and Norma (my step mum) But he keeps saying “look on your end table on your side of the bed” over and over….Anyway he finally said “no I won’t call you tomorrow!” and hung up. So I went back to bed….*sigh* You’d figure it was over right? No such luck man. Around 1:30 I wake up to even louder yelling. This time dads mad that Jackie (my dads landlord) is at his house with Norma and she’s answering the phone…Okay so far I don’t understand the phone so I just listen. Finally dad goes “You’re f*ckin’ drunk aren’t you!?” Bloody hell so what if she is? He was driving up here and probably is right now. She’s an adult, she’s allowed to get drunk once and a while. They keep on yelling at each other…*sigh* Apparently she says something either smart or rude to him (because he keeps calling her drunk I’m guessing) and he says “f*ck you” and hangs up. GOD DAMN! You’d think it was the end of that then…So I close my eyes and not more than 5 minutes later Dads back on the phone yelling again. WTF! Finally he says “ You know what Norma? You ALWAYS take off your rings. Every damn day. It embarrasses me Norma!” Then he like repeats himself over and over again. So I’m guessing this is what the problem is. It also explains why he didn’t call me last night to remind me he was coming to get me, because the “fight” started last night I’m gathering.

Okay me and dad just went out for a cigarette after he finally hung up Norma…again. Of course this time he’d said something along the lines of how it was such a huge mistake to marry her *sigh* Anyhow he let it spill. Apparently they’d had friends over last week and Norma hadn’t been wearing her rings and dad felt totally insulted. I guess she’s not taking him seriously and laughing or something because he kept saying to me “it’s a f*cking joke. It’s a f*cking joke.” Then he told me she said she’d finally just thrown her (or his…I’m not sure) rings away and that was that. He seems really upset about this and I don’t know what the hell to do. Now he’s back in the bathroom talking to her (I’m guessing). At least they aren’t yelling. There’s no way I can get back to sleep tonight. YAY! Not..

*sigh* We’re on our way back. Its like Friday afternoon. Dad did of course stop at the liquor store. I had hoped he wouldn’t but everyone knows hoping does nothing. Anyhow. We’re on the road and all of a sudden dad starts throwing up *shudders* Soooooo gross. He said he’d taken a perk last night (or was it this morning?) and now he’s mixing liquor with it? No wonder he got sick. Ugh. I so didn’t need to see that. I almost got sick myself. Dad just asked if I was emailing someone. HA. I think he’s afraid I was telling someone. Then he said “please don’t tell anyone, please” Besides you guys I’m not going to.

Well one good thing that came out of this was I got to talk to his dude Bob more. On Myspace my friend Sarah has my password so she can help me work on my page and she apparently added some of her friends to mine and Bob was one of them. Heh. He “emailed” me on the Myspace thing and we exchanged SN;s. We talked for a bit but he had to get off because he has class soon but he asked for my cell number so we could talk on the phone till it started. It turns out he’s a pretty cool guy. Lol I call him Shagable Bob. He loves it. Anyhow we spent a total of….I think 5 hours on the phone last night…then dad got tired of listening to us and told me to hang up the phone and go to bed. *sigh* so I did. But he called this morning…ugh woke me up. And I told him I’d call him back once I got up. Well as soon as I hung up the phone I had to pee and when I came back I figured I was up and called him. Turns out he was heading back to Worcester so we talked for about 45 minutes and then dad informed me we were going home So I had to hang up. But all in all he’s a pretty cool guy. *rubs eyes* I know I said I was never going to date a guy again but if he turns out to be a nice guy and we agree I think I’ll give him a shot. Also…HA! I told him why Myka dumped me and he said “Well I’m a NICE guy and I can totally deal with a lot more than regular guys.” So hell I know I’ve heard that before but who knows? If he turns out to be evil then *shrugs* its just me getting f*cked over again. No big deal I guess.

OKay...went to dads house after we came back from CT...All he and Norma did was fight...whatever...I give up...

Current Mood: cranky
Current Music: Evil time of year