Sunday, November 20th, 2005

Time	Event
7:09a	Bleed Me Beautiful So two days ago i lost it and cut all over. my legs my wrists my ankeles everywhere i could. i dont even know why i was just sitting in my room looking at my razors and was like "im going to cut" for no reason but i started crying and screaming and just carving and cutting it was amazing but i had no reason and i think as days are going by im getting worse sicker and sicker i havent cut my wrists in awhile b.c it is always soo hard to cover them up hanging out with people because were soo wild and i get hot and want to take my long sleeve off and i cant b/c who knows what they'll say or what will happen. i dont want to even risk that. and my best guy friend the other day kept grabbing at my wrist and pulling me to go somewhere and it hurt soooo badly i was like stop your hurting me please. and he lifts my sleeve up and saw them he freaked out on me hes like "how can you do that there so deep how do you manage to hurt yourself that badly" i was like i dont know i crave it i love it and he looked at me like i was insane but what was i supposed to say. . . i dont want to go on with this any longer i want to take a bottle of pills and get it done with truly thats all i want. i wish i had help i wish i could go see a pyshciatrist someone to help me or i cant talk to i just want help!!!! i am getting worse . x3 carissa Current Mood: numb (1 Comment | Comment on this)
8:27p	someday it will get sunny again. how can i make something better when i dont know how? i sat in my room for an hour tonight with my face in my hands just balling. its like i'm going from one thing to the next...what the hell am i thinking. i'm so fucking stupid it hurts. i can't breathe this in anymore because it's killing me. i'm so pathetic for choosing this path. i'm lost because i took the wrong direction. i avoided all the right ways and went down spinning. i'm a shadow that has no hope left. i've drowned in my guilt and choked on my lies. because i just can't seem to find the right way to live i only know how to give in. i cave when it gets to be too much. when i start to think how faded my life has turned out to be. i lose myself in my mind. where is my mind? i wonder if it is actually possible to get out of this trap. i've locked myself in, i can just as easily get out. Current Mood: crushed Current Music: Anna Nalick - Just Breathe (Comment on this)
10:49p	i could use some good friends friend me http://www.myspace.com/kimberlysthesex (Comment on this)

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