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Tuesday, November 15th, 2005
| Time | Event |
| 6:07a | WOW so i have not been online or near the computer in over like 3 weeks *Geeez* its nuts but wow things have gotten better, worse, and just CraZy. so i am recovering from having the flu for the past 5 flippin days ugh let me tell you that was not any fun at all i think i lost like 10lbs. though !!!! WOO HOO lol but i guess me and danny are over with he came over last week and everything was amazing we were kissing and he took me to the movies and all that and i freaked i lost it i dont know why probally b/c i havent been with someone in forever i cared "whore" into my leg and cut my arms. . stupid move but it felt soo great!!. he hasnt called me in 5 days b.c i told him i didnt like his friends Woppsies!! soo much for honesty o-well im done with boys for now on!!! I started drivers training oo how fun that is not. . i sit next to this boy and i dont know what got into him one day i said something and he took his pencil and took and drug it across his wrist . . i was like umm what and he looked at me i was like yes??? hes like you know im like no im actually quit clueless!! i dont know why he would do that ive never worn a short sleeve shirt in drivers ed so god knows what hes talking about. . but yea wow i popped my back out of place when i just had finished physical therapy thursday ughhh* im soo mad i cant even move i cant sit i cant move my legs with out crying errg. this absolutally sucksSss!! lol but yeah for now i dont even know i cut myslef when i got out of the tub today for ABSOLUTALLY no reason !!! i dont know i just wanted to it was weird but i loved it . . maybe im crazy craving it for no reason!! i dont know!! I found this quote and it just screamed ::Me:: your perfect little girl dropped a grade on her report card. your perfect little girl yelled at you last night. your perfect little girl talked back to you again. your perfect little girl painted her nails black. your perfect little girl lied to you all her life. your perfect little girl cries herself to sleep. your perfect little girl slits her wrists until she bleeds. your perfect little girl dated before she was 16. your perfect little girl was broken by a boy. your perfect little girl doesn`t want to go to church. your perfect little girl hates you. your perfect little girl has given up on life. your perfect little girl had a tantrum today. your perfect little girl wants to run away. your perfect little girl has no real friends. your perfect little girl thinks she`s overweight. your perfect little girl hasn`t let you dry her tears. your perfect little girl disobeys you. your perfect little girl hates the world. your perfect little girl is hated by the world. your perfect little girl says bad things about you. your perfect little girl is very un-happy. your perfect little girl has tried to commit suicide. your perfect little girl has become a disgrace. but at the end of the day, she`s still your perfect little girl. Current Mood:  annoyed |
| 5:37p | "You don't look a day over fast cars and freedom" i'm struggling right now to find a poem to submit to my teacher for the yearbook. she wanted me to hand in something i wrote, but i can't decide. everything i write is so friggin depressing or about cutting ... so i was wondering if you guys could help me out and read through some of the poems i've written in my blurty. i would REALLY appreciate it =) i went to my counselling apointment today....they gave me a higher dosage of prozac. i'm now on 40mL instead of 30mL and i was on 20mL a week and a half ago...so they're really bumping me up now. i think i'm going to take a shot at not cutting...well, more of "let's see how long i can go for." maybe i can last forever (doubt it). i kind of scared myself out of cutting because of what i did to my foot last week. it really freaked me out, it was a low moment. i don't know why that time is lower then any other, but it got to me. it was so hard to get up this morning. i hate trying to get up when it's still dark out....stupid school. well i hope everyone's doing well <3 (please let me know about the poem) Current Mood:  drained |
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