Saturday, November 12th, 2005

Time	Event
12:20p	"meet me in outerspace." todayi started on my higher dosage of prozac...i wont feel it for a couple of weeks...which is annoying. maybe this time around i'll feel happier. i'm supposed to call carolyn later and go shopping with her...ahh christmas shopping already. so stressful, considering i have no money. i saw the movie Jarhead last night. it was pretty good, really intense. they made war seem like you were only there because you wanted to kill somebody. i don't think it really had that positive aspect to it. it was just about a man who was at war in Iraq wanting to kill somebody, anybody. it was disturbing, because that's not what war is about. (i think anyways) i'm not necissarily anti-war, but i'm not for it either...we just need to find some better ways to deal with these problems. it's like running away. no matter how far you run to, the problem will always be with you. no matter how many people you kill, those problems you're killing them for will still be with you...on top of the guilt and trauma that goes along with war. it's just not right. i finally talked to sylvie *sigh* ... it was relieving. well, i'm tired...so i think i'm gunna go back to bed before i have to go shopping. hope everyones doing well Current Mood: tired Current Music: Incubus - Stellar (2 Comments | Comment on this)
9:53p	*I've got Batteries,CD Player,A CD, And A Computer...I'm Ready* Ok...thats it...it's all over...I didnt cutt now for like...three days...yay me...and then I had a dream...not some intence shit...but the fact that I miss it...and the fact...that I used to do it...every day in...school....and now I...have not done...it for....so long...my heart is...hurting...and I know...it would be worse...if I was...still doing...it...so now I am....at a loss...at what....to do...I mean....it's been some time now...but I was able...to wear short...sleaves....which was nice...for once....but I still miss it....and I went on a crazy binge...trying to find the blade...I think my sister...took it from me....and I dont wana...hurt her....but I need that thing....and she took it from me....I need it back....I went throught the whole house....trying to find...it....I tore everything....to peaices...trying to find it....I think it's....really gone for...good now....and then seeing my best guy friend....Jesus keep doing it....and then my best girl friend....Natalie is...now doing it...again....all these sings....of things going bad...sure its....not my family....anymore...or school....but there is always something....and right now...it's....friends...what can I do.....there all around me....and sure I dont wana do it anymore....look at what it has done to me....and look at all this shit...I have gone through....to make it....all STOP...but no it keeps on comming....I dont know what to do.....and if I cant cutt...then what can I do....I need to...do something....I miss it....and my...boyfriend...is not...helping...I mean...he is talking...about WWE...wen I am...telling him...I wana cutt...again!....I hate...this... Current Mood: crazy Current Music: *Dave...on...phone* (Comment on this)

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