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Friday, November 11th, 2005
| Time | Event |
| 12:41a | okay, so i haven't wrote in this in forever, but tonight i just need to write, i haven't cut in 7 months, its the longest ive gone, and ive seriously been thinking about picking it up again, i'm so stressed allllof the time and i hate it. They'res this boy i like and ive been talking to him for like months and he has a girlfriend of a year and half and last week we had sex and well i took his virginity and he still has this girl friend, and like he doesnt come online anymore its weird.. like he'll sometimes come on, and i think this friend of mine likes him too but i dont know how they're relationship is cause i dont talk to her that much but she like leaves him these comments on myspace like i love you and all this shit and its got me worried.. i mean i guess i got the advantage cause i mean he did have sex with me, but ugh i dont know.. he told me he wouldnt use me, but i dont understand why he'd stop talking to me, i dont know maybe imm over reacting. hm, i dont know. any ideas what should i do.. im so confused. i havent read in here in a while either, but i hope everyone in here is doing alright.. i'm here if anyone needs to talk Current Mood:  blah |
| 12:49a | okay, i dont want you all to think im a whore cause the kid had a girlfriend and i had sex with him, they're really is no relationship between them.. they just kind of say they date but they raelly dont. |
| 1:34a | *Happy 17th BirthDay Anyway Jesus!!!!* Well today or yesterday, depending on the time...which is now...1:24.... So anyway today is my best guy friend Jesu's 17th B-day! And my boyfriend and I spent the whole day with him. It was tons of fun! But something, that I saw on his arm, made me sad and wante to cutt again. Which I did, with him there. Ok so here's what happend................................. He had cutt Happy 17th To Me. On his arm, it was really bad too and all bloody! But then I had a heart to heart talk with him, and we talked about shit...and why he cutt that into his arm. And then we did this thing, that I am not happy about. But I had a bad day, and it seemed like something to do at the time...to make it all go away. So Jesus and I cutt to BIG lines in our arms, and we let them bleed into each other. That was like a sign of us becomming "Family, or really good friends" which ever it is! I am kinda glad we did do it, and then ashamed that we did. David was not happy, and then he was yelling at Jesus for making me do it. I am so lost right now, and it seems like everyone is mad at me! Current Mood:  crushedCurrent Music: *Finding NeverLand* |
| 10:45p | i think im pregnate with my ex. boyfriends baby (help) ok let me know what you think i should do... i think i might be pregnate with my ex. boyfriends baby and i told him about it ans he wants to get back with me.. i really didnt want us to break up in the first place but he was just ignoring me for about three months... well the thing is i found out for those last three months he was getting high every day and i dont really like that.. i mean if he did it once in a while i wouldnt care just not every day... so yea... so i told him about how i think i might be pregnate and he said he was going to take care of it and everything i knew he would but yea... im under ALOT of stress... and i really love him so much i mean we have been friends for like 7 years almost and it kills me to do this to him.. i mean i made him cry and he hasnt cried the whole time i have known him. well heres the sucky part... alot of my friends know now... but my friend meghan... she lives with me right now... doesnt know i just dont wanna tell her yet cuz she will freak... so yea.. and she keeps asking me why am i in such a bad mood and everything else... she thinks i am mad at her.. and i mean right now like if you are puttin on socks with your shoes it gets on my nerves... i dont even know why but yea... i dont like eatn cuz every time i do i puke it sucks... well if any one has ne advice or ne thing that might help me ... or yea.. let me know . should i get back with him ... what if i make him stop drugs... should i tell my friend.... help ... ~Crystal~ Current Mood:  confused |
| 11:11p | ok... i did my deepest, longest cut ever. last night i went to A&E and got it butterfly stitched up (they couldn't stitch it up properley because it might have trapped infection in my body which would've spread) and a dressing put on it. this morning i went to the place i go to have therapy and spoke to a woman who wasn't my normal therapist. she said that i could admit myself to A&E anytime at the weekend to be in a protected area so i couldn't cut. so tomorrow morning i'm off to hospital for the weekend i think... this has gotten way out of hand... Current Mood:  tired |
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