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Thursday, November 3rd, 2005
| Time | Event |
| 7:46p | Okay. Im trying not to cut. My boyfriend and I are like fucking up. Or I am fucking up and its hurting him. I really do love him and he knows that but like Im going through this rough time. I hurt all over. I didnt go to school today and I really need to get out of here. Im really messed up right now. And I feel bad for hurting Andrew but everytime I call him hes sad because I havnt called him for a while...and the cycle repeats. I want to run away, or lie outside until I die. Someone help me. No one can understand. <3 Liv PS: sorry that this isnt much about cutting |
| 7:56p | catch me around here today has been pretty shitty. i feel like i did two months ago. depressed, but truly deep rooted. i felt so annoyed by everything today, so angry. i spent my spare finishing my oil painting for art...it's turning out pretty good, but i still have much more to do. i got home and fell asleep in my bed listening to music. i'm so tired still. not a good day. make sure you pull out the root. this is deeper then you believe. it's more then just skin deep. it runs all over, through your veins. it wont stop growing until you get it all. every bit. you sit in a room staring off into space. somehow this place seems different. a foreign room, but you're still the same. you only blame yourself. you can't help but play over the memories. you find yourself falling again. you think back to when you were free. what did she say to get you through? ...remember to breathe *sigh* i just feel so horrible today. i'm so tired of complaining and wearing only long sleaves....stupid, stupid me. i've been cutting for seven years, you think i would know by now that cutting your arms gets you no where. i've been cutting my legs forever and i choose now to cut my arms. i've come undone again. falling back into my depression. i have good days and i have bad ones. i hate that up and down...i wish it would just stay up. i'm numb today. Current Mood:  aggravatedCurrent Music: Hide and Seek - Imogen Heap |
| 9:24p | Myka...Don...Peffer...called me last on the 30th...so its been 5ish days...and he hasn't called...or tried to...IMed...Emailed...or anything since then... I called him 2 times tonight...left a message...saying "hey stranger...guess who...yeah so..CALLLLLLL MEE!!! when you get this...later"... then about 45 minutes later he signs on and off about 3 times...not once IMing me..and didn't give me any chance to IM him because he kept signing off..I don't FUCKING get it... so I called him back KNOWING HES HOME...cause he signed on..and he still doesn't answer the phone? Last time we talked everything was wonderful...we even freakin flirted...for about an half hour...he had to get off the phone because stupid Charlie was there..so we hung up after he promised to call me after he left... Granted he did call me back that night but I was soo depressed and dead to the world because of something that happened with me and my ex that I just passed out as soon as I got the chance...I never heard the phone ring...thats it.. he hasn't called since...which isn't normal because he usually calls every day leaving a message...I really don't understand... What did I do wrong for him to ignore me like this? Why do I keep getting males who end up doing this to me?? I mean...how hard is it to pick up the phone and leave a message? I don't call him because he broke up with me because he said he needed SPACE...So damnit I give him space and let him call me...but now hes not even calling? Jesus...what if hes gone and found himself a new gf and decided I wasn't even good enough to call and be told to fuck off? Why the fuck is this happening?! Current Mood:  confusedCurrent Music: |
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