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Sunday, October 23rd, 2005
| Time | Event |
| 12:00a | detachment i havent cut since october 14. what is that? 9 days? im dying to right now, and i dont know why. i lost the will to eat, which i was happy about. everyday i wake up and am repulsed by the food in front of me. i force myself to eat so i dont binge later, but it just feels so good to starve. although i keep checking out my stomach and it doesnt seem any flatter...damn wish there was something that would make me feel, anything really. i guess thats why i cut. but i shouldnt. there are only so many places to cut if youre a swimmer...makes it really fucking hard to hide. my stomach is torn up right now...still healing from that awful day i binged like hell and made my stomach bleed for punishment. but life goes on... Current Mood:  coldCurrent Music: deathsex - the distillers |
| 9:57a | Soo danny finally came crawling back to me telling me all this stuff on how he missed me soo much which totally scared me crap-less. Today he came over and took me to Meijers for the heck of it because we had nothing better to do . . so we were just roaming around the store and he sees the pets so we went over there and he decides to buy 12 fish for me ♥ ♥ =] how cute lol. and so he bought us fishies and we named the fat gold and black one the Dan Man and the really tiny orphanage fishie shaniqucarissa haha how ghetto right!? then he took me to Halloween USA and he was just being a complete Reatard in that store trying on masks and being a goof-ball lol. and im totally TERRIFIED of stuff like that halloween and all those things and so we were walking out of the store and all the sudden this statue just turns on as i walk by it and goes MUW HA HA HA HA and starts spinning its head i screamed sooooooo loud that everyone in the store was staring and laughing at me ::blushing:: ugh totally embarassing. . but on our way home he starts talking to me about "us" and how he was truly sorry about how he had hurt me and blah blah blah and that im sooooo beautiful i can do so much better than him and he doesnt know why boys arent all over me i was like shut up i for surly hate when people do that. and he was just scaring me more and more im terrified to start something with him . i dont want to get hurt again but he makes me feel so special. and as if im cared about . . idk today i had a real smile on my face. . . nothing could take that away. ♥ |
| 1:40p | IM FALLING APART AS WE SPEAK i dont know what to do , IM craving for the blade but i cant I dont want to upset her.. i dont want her to know i still Slice away for sane to become logical i dont know if shell understand should i tell her ya know.. befor any thing gets more serious between us? I need help.. REALLY BAD ya know every time i want to cut My heart beats faster and faster and faster until it feels like i cant catch my breath and i cry cause of the pain, IT HURTS SO MUCH and i shak .. i cant stop shaking and then i dont want to stop thinking about it then ... if i can i grab it (The RAZOR) and slice one by onr... slowly so i can feel FEEL EVERY BIT OF PAIN DRIP OUT AND RUN DOWN MY ARM and i dont want to stop it either I dont know .... I ... I am so scared ... Kayla... i need you .. please your the only one. well i guess this is good bye until later Alive until next time <3 Odie Current Mood:  anxiousCurrent Music: beheaded (thats the song) |
| 8:55p | Please. Let me die. I want to die. I wish I could die. Why do I have to stay here? Im bleeding. Im crying. Im shaking. My teeth are chattering. My head and heart hurt. Please let me die. I hurt so much. I can barely breath. "Did you lose yourself somewhere out there..." He did. He dissapeared for a year and he calls me up. Says hes alright and hes working at a mc donalds. He says he misses me and that lifes alright. He says to call him at 10. I say "you wont pick up" and he says "Liv I promise" I wish I was dead. Help Current Mood: crushed |
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