Thursday, October 20th, 2005

Time	Event
7:23a	*him*-- i still care about you and miss you *him*-- i mean how could bad things always happen to someone as pretty as you *him*-- I want to start over with you i want you back. . . Why did he leave me for a week and a half and then come crawling back to me . . he truly crushed me. i let my guard down for the first time in a year and a half for this kid b/c i didnt think he would hurt me or leave me he seemed really sweet and nice and i Fell for him . . i didnt want to. :-/. . and he does this to me i dont know hat it is. but i dont want to hear "i miss you" from a boy it scares me i dont know why so last night all this stuff just got to me him wanting me back telling me he cared about me SCARES me sooo badly and i dont know what to do i was crying for about 2 hours and i cut my wrists. because of this . . i dont know what to doo Ughhh. should i take him back or should i just tell him you Effed me over once what makes me think you wont do it agian!?! i dont knwo what to do. and i tried talking to my Best friend lindsey about it and all she did was yell at me and tell me im pathetic b/c i need to get over my last boyfriend which i cant a year is hard to forget. and i still miss him and he hurt me soo badly and she just expects me to just drop it like it never happened sometimes i dont like talking to her about these things becasue she never comforts me she just yells. i need some insight or something or just my razor. xo ♥ (2 Comments | Comment on this)
4:14p	guys. Lena was like "you prolly only like him bc you know you cant have him bc he's moving." part of me thinks she's right. all of me wants her to be wrong. i want to like Adam bc of his personality. not bc i cant have him. but nothing was the matter with me last night or at least i dont think there was ... but. i did carve whore in my right thigh. cuz that's pretty much what i feel like. and i didnt tell Lena. i only told Krysten. bc i thought i could trust her. it's not that i couldnt trust Lena, i just thought maybe she'd think that i was making a big deal outta nothing. [[ Lean, if you read this, sorry ]] and Lena and Eric think that i should kiss Adam tomorrow. but idk. that might make it harder. =/ guys. i'm scared. i'm not gonna lie. i've been doing this to myself for like. two years now. and i think about the future. like when i'm like in college. and i'm still gonna be doing this. like when i'm married. and i have kids. i just dont think that i want to be doing this to myself all my life. does anyone have any advice?? wow. had a freak out moment there. but hope everyone had a good day. Current Mood: contemplative Current Music: Panic! at the Disco (3 Comments | Comment on this)

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