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Wednesday, October 19th, 2005
| Time | Event |
| 7:37a | What if you saw my arm one day And all those bloody trails? Will you be able to understand why I cut when all else fails? Would you tell me to stop the cutting Because what I do is wrong? Will you try to convince me again That I'm really very strong? Will you tell me otherwise When I say "you won't understand"? Answer me this question Have you sat with a knife in your hand? Have you even contemplated Or thought about suicide? Do you have any f*cked up emotions That you always try to hide? Have you ever lost best friends Because of the blade of a f*cking knife? Are you stuck in deep depression Always trying to end your life? Do you have the scars I have That decorate your wrist? And if you try to smile Do you smile with a twist? How about all that precious blood That's keeping you alive? Do you shed it every night Making it difficult to survive? Have you ever stayed up late While endless tears you cried? Have you felt that horrible feeling Like part of you just died? Have you found yourself to think How perfect it'll be to die? Have you attempted suicide so much That you've already lost count? Will even the tears you've ever cried Add up to that amount? If you try to help me out Don't assume you know how I feel The truth is you can't mend my heart And you can't make my cuts heal So just answer all these questions Before you give me any advice Just think it over clearly Think it over twice ((I hate those stupid people who think they Effing know me and think that its just a phase and an attention getter F U . get a life.)). ♥ - - wrote this tell me what you think!?! Current Mood:  contemplative |
| 2:35p | *Oh ****, there goes everything* Ok...well...I have to say...I officaly...can't get through this. I have not cutt in about...3/4 months. And what did I do lastnight? Cutt my best friends name in my arm, and put next to it. Don't leave me... Current Mood:  angryCurrent Music: *SlipKnot- People =shit!* |
| 4:02p | slice open my veins and let the romance bleed away oh my. so i woke up 42 fucking minutes late this morning!! then i'm making my pop tart and my fucking mother has the nerve to yell at me! i forget what she said. but she yelled it. and i was already in a bad mood. and so i yelled back. and then she was like "why did you just yell at me?!" and i yelled "I DONT KNOW!!!!" and then she was like "that's it! you cant do anything this weekend besides what we do" we being her. my father. and my sister, who's 11. ugh. so i eat breakfast. then go down to my bathroom and cut my thigh. i hate her. Adam moves on Saturday. and i reallllly like him like a lot. and i know i've said that before. but i cant help this. =/ ugh. i just. i dont know what to do. my friend Krista, who is his friend too, is like "well. he told me to ask you what you thought about long distance relationships" he's moving to Ohio. that's like a fucking 3 hour drive! and yah. i would go crazzy. i wouldnt be able to see him. or talk to him. everyday. and i need that. i would be sooo depressed. and yah. Adam's best friend Eric just told me that Adam likes me. so this double sucks. ahh. what to do. what to do ... ♥♥♥ Current Mood:  confusedCurrent Music: Senses Fail |
| 5:28p | this always happens to me.. sigh i had a really long hard day at school. i found out that the only person in that fucking hell hole who understands me and cares about me and listens to me is leaving the building. shes going to teach somewhere else. ugh i dont know why, it wasnt even that big of a deal, but i cried. lol what the hell. and then everyone was bothering me and i just couldnt take it all so i cut, in one of my teachers offices with a razor he had in his desk. i cut on my leg like 12 times and on my arm once (i dont do it on my arms usually but i wanted to, so it will be easy to explain) and then i felt better. its funny how pain makes pain feel better i keep thinking about that. like, how does that work? this teacher of mine doesnt even know i cut, but shes knows mostly about everything else and i wasnt going to tell her, but then she saw it and now she knows and jesbcykdutbta8GEVRER52574tyaw4y5 i didnt want her to know!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i didnt want anymore of those looks. you know...those sad looks, like maybe they think your as hopeless as you do. and they look at you different. and they act different. they treat you weird. its like your a fuckin alien. and these are people we trust! well fuck that because they always leave. i always push them away and am left with this feeling. i hate this. every living creature dies alone... Current Mood:  restlessCurrent Music: kevin devine -"protest singer" |
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