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Monday, December 27th, 2004
| Time | Event |
| 12:36a | oh mannn okay kids, im only going to admit to you that i loveeee avril lavigne. lol im jk. i do love her though, shes awesome as an artist and people are ganna be all "ewww avril" but i dont care. i put a rubber band around my wrist and im ganna snap it whenever i wanna cut. i hope this works, i should really stop... this is an avril song called nobodys home. just thought it would fit.. g2g though..stay strong :) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I couldn't tell you why she felt that way, She felt it everyday. And I couldn't help her, I just watched her make the same mistakes again. What's wrong, what's wrong now? Too many, too many problems. Don't know where she belongs, where she belongs. She wants to go home, but nobody's home. It's where she lies, broken inside. With no place to go, no place to go to dry her eyes. Broken inside. Open your eyes and look outside, find a reasons why. You've been rejected, and now you can't find what you left behind. Be strong, be strong now. Too many, too many problems. Don't know where she belongs, where she belongs. She wants to go home, but nobody's home. It's where she lies, broken inside. With no place to go, no place to go to dry her eyes. Broken inside. Her feelings she hides. Her dreams she can't find. She's losing her mind. She's fallen behind. She can't find her place. She's losing her faith. She's fallen from grace. She's all over the place. Yeah,oh She wants to go home, but nobody's home. It's where she lies, broken inside. With no place to go, no place to go to dry her eyes. Broken inside. She's lost inside, lost inside...oh oh yeah She's lost inside, lost inside...oh oh yeah Current Mood:  crazyCurrent Music: avril lavigne, "my happy ending" |
| 1:44a | Dont speak I'm sorry if I hadnt updated here in awhile. I was reading through my blurty and I feel like all I do is complain. I'm so sorry everyone. I figured out, that I shouldnt complain, because so many people have it worse then me. I mean, there are people there who are sexually abused, but I'm just verbally abused by my mom. I handle it well, I havent cut in a week because of it. So I mean, that counts for something right? I dont know...I'm tired of feeling like this, I want to feel happy, I wish I could. I'm going to stop now...sorry... |
| 5:59p | Mae "This Time Is The Last Time" Save yourself. Because the only thing that matters is that you get away from the pain and the thought of losing your mind. Don't blame yourself. It was everyone around you who made you act this way. There's the stage and your chance to watch it go down. Don't fake yourself into ever, ever thinking about yesterday. That was then, this is now. Don't call it undone. Don't take what you've been dealt. You can exit out the back and make your getaway before anyone can see the damage you have done. This time is the last time so be here, here now. This time is the last time. Somehow make it through. |
| 6:38p | oh my goodness. i dont know how it happened. i broke down today. i cut my arm 113 times and i added about 20 cuts to my already cut up leg. i dont know why exactly i did it either. i mean i know it was because of my parents wanting me to be 'perfect' and well falling in love with bruce and having him not like me at all. but i dont know, it just seems so stupid cutting over a guy. and the sad thing is even after cutting that much today i still feel dead and i want to cut more. i just dont know what to do or think anymore... Current Mood:  depressed |
| 7:15p | well christmas sucked...that was what? 2 days ago...ya so i cut, pretty bad that night, and then sunday morning 2 so anyways ya we WERENT gonna go to florida so i did a lpretty BAD ittle NUMBER on my wrists....YA were deff going to florida TOMMROW!!! i was like well that sucks sp if ANYONE has any ideas on how i can go to the friggen beach and stuff and cover up my wrists please tell me... i mean hand warmers and bracelets ARENT gonna do it at the beach.... IM SO TOTTALLY UP FOR ANY SUGGESTIONS!!!! SO IM ME OR COMMENT XxADiiCTed2uxX Current Mood: worriedCurrent Music: the used |
| 8:12p | Okay so I really need some help on this one. I've been fighting my erges to cut now and managed to not cut since thanksgiving. Yet I kind of lost it this morning. Just random objects of mine I haven't been able to find and it really got to me. I can't even find any of my blades anymore. So I went into the bathroom and poped one of the blades off my shaver. I sat in the bath tub and cut my right upper arm only once. I admit i pressed down a lot harder than I normally do but the pain was really breif. I must have sat there for a good half an hour just watching blood slide down my arm and hit the bathtub. Considering I only did one cut it bled quiet a bit. Infact it's the deepest cut I've ever done to myself. It's about as wide as my index finger nail across and I can see inside of it. So now I'm really concered that I need stiches. Yet that means I'd have to tell my mother. Then my sister, brother in law, doctors and who ever would know. They already know I cut but still. It just makes me feel embrassed if they see one of my new cuts. It makes me feel so weak. So heres what I need help with. Does anyone have any idea in what I can do to maybe make it start healing and prevent infection. Since considering I cut about 12 this afternoon and it's now 8 the bloods all wet and it hasn't even started to scab over. Please I really need anything that will help Thanks <33 Foxypawz |
| 11:34p | long time so type.. Sorry I haven't been here. I've been found out. Forgive me for quoting the greats.. but I hate myself and wanna die. My sister tackled me. All in good fun I guess. She saw my stomach, at least the half healed part. I said I had a rash, end of story. I walked away. Later that day, she tackled me and grabbed my shirt. This time purposefully. In all honesty, I rarely cut my stomach. More for.. I guess.. sport than anything else. Never deep. She called my mom. My mom came home, she took her friend with her. Her friend held me down and my mom looked at my stomach. Her friend acted concerned. She wasn't, I could tell. I was crying and shaking and I'm not really sure what happened. I remember her asking me if I cut other places and I nodded. She didn't ask where nor did she look. She doesn't care. She yelled at me. She called me an idiot. Maybe she was right. She told my dad. If I walk into the room, he shakes his head and walks away. Out. They both yelled at me the other night. I guess I'm more of a disgrace than I realized. I guess I never knew. I'm a horrible person. I'm an idiot. Disgrace. Shame. Hopeless. Clumsy. Stupid. Undedicated. Wanting to be high. Wanting to be bleeding. Wanting to be dying. Merry Belated Christmas. |
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