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Tuesday, December 21st, 2004
| Time | Event |
| 12:28a | the entry below me i can really relate to. a few days ago i told my mom i was going for a bath. i grabbed my razor, went to the bathroom turned on the shower and jumped in it with all of my clothes still on and hacked up my arm. i was craving it so badly i didn't even bother taking my clothes off for a shower. this is so horrible. i feel soo low right now, i just realised how much cutting can control your life. i've been cutting for 5 months and i've always been able to keep it under control...but not anymore. shit. i finally realise that it does control me. even though i'm not ready to stop cutting, i find it terrifying that if someday i actually do want to stop, i feel so low....i always thought that "when i'm ready to quit, i can". but now i'm realising that i'm really not that strong. this sucks Current Mood:  thoughtful |
| 12:04p | Man i feel like shit. 2months ago i also tryed to stop but cutting sure can take control. if u guys ever feel as if cutting is no longer worth it then try using a hair tie with a metal thing where it on your wrist then pullout when u feel like cutting. it feels the same just no blood although i cut to see the blood. boyfriends are hard to get over just remember that theres more out there i know its hard but give it time. Current Mood:  coldCurrent Music: hold on- |
| 4:08p | You know that part in Fight Club where he says, "You've come into my life at a very strange time." ? That's what it's like with you. I think this self-loathing might consume me. You seem to think that I'm as perfect as it gets; I think I'm the epitome of imperfection. The scars on my body are a testimony to that. I wish I could be perfect for you. I find it kind of funny, I find it kind of sad, the dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had... Current Music: Strike Fire Fall- Aces over Eights |
| 4:25p | hmm... ya so my older sister moved back in today....its alright but it kinda sucks....shes pregnant and shes 19 and shes gonna have her baaby close to my birthday next month.....it sucks...bcuz i hardly had a mom b4, and now its gonna be even less of one...with her 5 kids and a new baby and a husband who she has soo much stress over...im not gonna get ANY attention....and it sucks cuz i love my mom and i want to be around her bcuz when we get along shes so cool and im soo happy....she barely talks to me anymore tho...she has to deal with too much, and now its gonna be even more she has to deal with and even less time for me....i hate to think what would happen if she found out about me cutting...she has so much on her plate right now....let alone another screwed up kid...wow that would just drive her insane....she already feels like a failure, i hate myself for whats gonna hppen if she ever finds out... anyways jus thought id tell you that this blows i cut 14 times on my wrist last night...it hurt so bad...i found myself trying to scream but nothing came out.... i cried and cried and shook a ton i didnt know what was wring gtg my momshome later |
| 6:34p | I walk alone This song relates to me right now... I walk a lonely road The only one that I have ever known Don't know where it goes But it's home to me and I walk alone I walk this empty street On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams Where the city sleeps and I'm the only one and I walk alone My shadow's the only one that walks beside me My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me 'Til then I walk alone I'm walking down the line That divides me somewhere in my mind On the border line Of the edge and where I walk alone Read between the lines What's fucked up and everything's alright Check my vital signs To know I'm still alive and I walk alone |
| 8:27p | i cant stop crying i am so pissed i want to cut more than anything but i cant why cuz i cant hurt my grandparents i try to hide it but they always find out. my boyfriend gone hes been gone all day no one knows where he is although his parents hate me and his brother told me hes been gone with some chick. i want to cut i honestly dont know what to do.somebody help. Current Mood: crushedCurrent Music: i wanna be with u |
| 8:54p | i feel like cutting. i mean man do i crave it. i dont have anything that i usually cut with and im not sure on what i should use. i have no razors or anything, and i miss them. i really really miss them. i think i am having with draw. i dont know what to do. i told my boyfriend that i cut, because a day ago he saw my arm and asked me what that was from and i said a cat, because i have three. the cuts where like perfectly aligned, so it looked somewhat simliar. and he bought it. but when i told him that i did that, he asked me why and i told him that it makes me feel better and now im scared that he will try to make me stop. but i dont want to and i dont know what to do or what to say to him, and im really scared. can you help me? Current Mood: worriedCurrent Music: such great heights:::the postal service::: |
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