Sunday, December 19th, 2004

Time	Event
10:07a	nothing... ...omg its been 5 days w/o cutting...=) ...i have 6 scars...but the rest have faded...kinda. well im gonna do my best 2 quit cutting and i have one of my best friends quitting with me 2...we're gonna make it, i just know it...but its lyke a drug...once u use it u crave it so much and u cant stop that easily...it sux but i gotta stop b4 this gets worse...u kno? Current Mood: determined Current Music: Incubus- "Drive" (3 Comments | Comment on this)
3:32p	:-D so i went to a kill hannah concert last nite blown off my ass on some muscle relaxer a friend sold me. fun shit. i got lost in a few laser beams and smoked too many cigarettes, i loved it. i wish i could do that everynite. i havent cut in like over a month, since b4 i got w. my gf. i stole a few pieces of copper plating from the art rooms last weds, with the intention of using them, but i put them in my jewelry box. then friday when i needed them i didnt have them, and i tried gettin into the art room again but there were way too many ppl walkin ab00t. i was shaking like a fiend. it was so stupid i laughed. rock steady :: ace :: ...and i must be an acrobat to talk like this and act like that... Current Mood: enthralled Current Music: U2 : Acrobat (Comment on this)
3:33p	hi me and one of my best friends are trying to stop cutting..i hate it..i dont know what i hate..j/ everything i guess..i havent cut in 5 days..havent told my other best friend im trying to stop cuz last time i told her but i couldnt keep up and i started again so she got pissed and started getting all mad at me screaming at me telling me how i cant keep promises..somehow going into how i dont tell her anything and im freaking her out then the different ways im gonna die or how im gonna go phsyco..finally some science shit that was too complicating..and then what hurt the most was that she had to comment on my weakness..she said i cry for every little thing..w/ may be true..but i cant control my tears..she said something about everytime something happens i go and cry w/ i shouldnt..and the way she said it was bad..i dunno w/e..it was j/ all a blurr..i dont like it when people get mad at me..w/e..well anyway i hope i can stop..maybe my friends wont be freaked out by me anymore..oh yeah im getting sick of the doctor..ive been there like 3 times this month..i was about to go to the hospital and the stupid bald police guy at our school almost send me to a mental institution..not for my cutting cuz i had a sweater on but for this thing that i did on my hand w/ salt and ice..this girl briana told me to do so w/e i did it..but i did it too long and i got like 2nd degree burn or some shit..and it hurts like hell but its cool..the skin came off though and now its really nasty cuz u could see like under my skin and its gross..w/e im writing too much so im gonna go now..bye bye..hope everybody has a happy holiday..well atleast tries to.. Y A S I Current Mood: bored Current Music: ::true-ryan cabrera:: (3 Comments | Comment on this)
6:17p	I can't help but think I'm moving on. I've been a pillar of support for so long, it's hard not to be one. But I need to stop. That's what drove me to cut in the first place. I was so intent on solving other people's problems, that I didn't have time for my own. Pretty soon, my own problems were too much for me. I couldn't deal. Cutting became a way out for me. Now that I've stopped (pretty much), I hate for people to describe it like that. I know that makes me a hypocrite, but it really isn't worth it. People are angry at me because I've stopped being there for them. But I need to stop. For a while. Just so I can get myself under control. Because if I don't, I'm afraid I never will. (2 Comments | Comment on this)
6:47p	well ive really not got alot to say, i hate the holiday season, people being greedy and things, plus i hate most of my family and dont really want to see them.. especially dad, why i have to go with him is beyond me, why the hell i care that my sister would have to go alone is too.. but im going for my sister.. and well i guess so i dont have to later? i just hate him, and my brother is fucked up, i hate this place, no wonder im on meds and cut occasionally , oh and my brothers best friend got arrested for a meth lab, so he is prolly doing drugs AGAIN, after he told me he had stopped, i have given up faith in him .. and on myself i give up mann.. i need help .. real help Current Mood: pessimistic (3 Comments | Comment on this)

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