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Thursday, December 16th, 2004
| Time | Event |
| 9:08a | *hi im new* hi im new in here and i wanted to see if i was welcome in here. i as well as people in here cutt to. i have been for years now and it's getting to the point to where my family is going to put me in the looney bin soon. i thought i could find some more friends here that do the same thing as me. well hope to get some feed back soon. *CTC* Current Mood:  scaredCurrent Music: *SK3* |
| 11:04a | Okey here it goes.. I dont know what to call this....or even if I should be writing this... because...he's sitting right next to me..but oh well here it goes... "The Way" I Love the way you touch me, the way you love my hair i love it when you hold me when no one seems to care I love how you call me , so late at night I love when you look directly in my eyes. I love the way you call me beautiful, making all your words sound so true, I love the way you hold my hand, when I feel so down and blue. Nothing makes me happier, nothing ever will... I will always love you, I promise this to you, Just prmoise me one thing, that you'll love how I love you Current Mood:  bored |
| 2:01p | I just joined this community... I've been cutting for 3 years now. It's really controlling my life. --- I joined cause I thought it'd be helpful to talk with people like me- sucks having nowhere to turn. Thanks Current Music: The Used- Let It Bleed |
| 3:52p | i wish i'd die right now. i dont belong here. this world, it's just not for me. i've been crying all morning. i can't take it any longer. |
| 4:12p | MANIC STREET PREACHERS "Razorblade Beat" Sweet razorblade start your beat Cut through the mire and skid through the grass and make it deep Sweet razorblade start your beat Cut through the mire and skid through the grass and make it deep Sweet razorblade Sweet razorblade Sweet razorblade Sweet razorblade Sweet razorblade Sweet razorblade Current Mood:  numb |
| 6:02p | hmmm hey kiddies. i just got back from my psychiatrist. i saw my therapiast earlier this morning. she put me on a mood stabalizer, an anti-depressant (a different one) a pill to make me concentrate...and i think thats it. holy fuck, thats alotta pills. one of these is going to make me sick..i know it. i havent cut in a while but ive been thinkin about it and i want to very badly. things in this house have not been going well. theres an abusive guy here, emotionaly. my dad just got back from being gone for 4 months with no word. my mom is stressin to the max and this is makin me crazy. school is no pic-nic either. idk, everything just sucks. i need to see my REGULAR therapist. the one i saw today was a replacement because she is having a baby, or she did. its a boy or w/e. idk i am going crazy and she helps. ughhhhh the psychiatrist called my mom to tell her about the side effects of the meds and she told my mom that i was having "impulses to hurt myself." My mom was like "oh great were back to that?" ooops? oh well, im on meds and im in therapy what more does she want for me im getting as much help as i can. maybe this means i dont have to feel so bad when i do it? naw, idk. well imma go, im thirsty and i have a headache. Current Mood: discontentCurrent Music: icp-dead body man |
| 7:05p | hm. i wish i could log on more often to like leave people comments, but by the time i get on theres like a million entrys and i cant really go online on the weekdays cuz it "disrupts my studies" bullshit. bleh. today was shit. it wuld have been me and my boyfriends 9 month-a-versary. instead it was our 1 month-a-versary of being broken up. i miss him alot. we're still WICKED close and shit and like we're gunna get back together eventually but its like...i feel like somethings missing. meh. it doesnt help that like im upset in hackie sack club (yes we have a hackie sack club in my school! the only good part) and hes like focused on this chick hes friends w/ who is upset. like hello? shes sitting seeming semi-OK while i have my head down crying. ::sigh:: it seems just like a battle for attention. i wish that girl got over him 9 months ago when they broke up. gr. idk and i did 0 homework and i had 2 tests which i totally fogot about then bombed them. yeah shit sucked. i cut in the bathroom on my leg. its still burning/red. oh well. i wish my star was still visible on my leg. is it wrong to be proud of it? idk.. semi is tomorrow. i got neo-sporin and like hardcore spray-paint like cover up. wish me luck Current Mood:  good |
| 9:13p | BLEH alright so it been what? like almost 2 weeks since i fucked my ex bf, and exactly that long since ive heard from him too....well...i hate being used....thats all it seems like people even talk to me for....to use me.... anyways im deff. done with that fag...i mean fool me once shame on him, fool me twice....shame on me... and thats exactly how it is...i feel soooo stupid and so dumb for it, its like DUH i mean did i really belive all the stuff he said to me that night? after everything hes put me through?? UGH its like how could i not see that he was using me? i FELL for it AGAIN this is the 2nd time this has happened.....wow anyways idk i havent cut in 1 week and 5 days, i think. close to that...YAY i can cut as soon as new years comes.....it would me kinda bad being at the beach over xmas break...all cut utp....so im trying to resist as much as possible....REALLY hard but ive been occcupying my time reading instead...it helps... anyways i hadda get this shit outta me later all if u wanna talk, have any questions jus im me XxAdiiCTeD2uxX Current Mood:  exhaustedCurrent Music: static lullaby |
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