[Most Recent Entries] [Calendar View] [Friends View]
Monday, December 13th, 2004
| Time | Event |
| 12:32p | a little worried i was looking through the pictures on psyke.org , the ones of other ppl's scars and cuts, and i realized that my scars were for the most part a lot worse than their's. its scary, it makes me feel so flawed and just all screwed up. but i haven't cut in one month, two weeks, and one day. Current Mood:  worried |
| 2:02p | read the last part of this.PLEASE this is my update- new therapist. new phychiatrist. new meds- well, i'm back on prooooooozac. and she doubled my anti-anxiety dose. yay. my therapist is really cool and such a nice person, i relaly like her. my phychiatrist on the other hand....shes nice too and pantient- but SHE ASKS TO MANY FUCKING QUESTIONS. i was almost hospitilized. my parents know all my plans that i had and have for suicide. for example- not eating was a way for me to starve to death. they found out cuz of my stupid phyciatrist quirmed it out of me. they dont know one thing. they think i dont hurt myself anymore. ever since i got the new dog. but i still have one thing for me. wristbanging. its still with me and will always be. they cant take that away from me. its impossible. HA HA HA! IN YOUR FUCKING FACES PPL. cutting i think is now a thing of the past...but i feel that as soon as i'm living without my parents, the habit might come back again. its like i'm delaying it untill i'm in a safe zone. heh heh heh. but i'm glad i wont have the cutting habit for the rest of my teenage years cuz these are the hardest years of our lives, and i dont want to make it harder by making problems like hinding scars and bald spots. bruises and burns though...ha, they dont know, oh no they dont. - god, i sound like psycho maniac killer- i feel strangly and madly calm right now. like i should be feeling calm in this way. i feel so conforted right now... :) i just want everyone else not to think the same way as i do. SI is a very very bad thing, and very harmful. and as much as i understand what it does to us and ppl around us, i know how much relief and help that little blade gives us. WE HAVE TO STAY STRONG. fight against the urges, fight against those stares ppl give you when ur changing in the PE locker room, fight against the gossip that goes around, fight agains the discrimination of who we are! ....sudden urge of power right there. |
| 6:04p | i dont know i gauged my ears from a earring to a 6, but i took them out, my mom absolutly hated them , so i did it for her.. oh well i can re do them when i turn 18, ive got alot on my mind lately, fucked up alot, so i thought i would do one thing ot make her happy. i miss courtney i wont get to see her in a while so i dont know.. i love that girl she is my best friend, i just hope she is okay.. and i worry about my best friend cole.. he is a sweetie and i dunno he is always so damn sad .. i guess he is alot like me .. im always so upset and shit.. well i just want to die ugh lve em... i need help Current Mood: pessimistic |
| 6:49p | argh ah..second update here. thanks janelle for your comment. today was actually semi decent. i was in good spirits all day. now i feel like shit. not fair. i HATE the winter and it sucks for me cuz i have SAD so like its all dark and shit alot so i get depressed alot. what the fuck!? ew im spazzing tonight and i cant sit and concentrate on my HW. im fucking up this term. im good at fucking up...hence why all my friends hardly speak to me anymore, and i cant get my "boyfriend" to want a serious relationship. psssffff.... i hate this. im sorry. i wanna cut..but i cant. sucks to be me... Current Mood:  annoyed |
| << Previous Day |
2004/12/13 [Calendar] |
Next Day >> |