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Saturday, December 11th, 2004
| Time | Event |
| 2:54p | well yesterday i wanted to so bad...but i foud an alternative biteing. I bit my finer so hard it was swolen for 5 hours afterward.... why is this so hard? i guess i never expected to get addicted looks like i was totally wrong... well hope you all are doing better Current Mood:  anxiousCurrent Music: the early november |
| 4:19p | Oh so much fucking fun last night. Decided to drink ya know haven't done it in a while, but stopped after 2 drinks b/c i was feelin sick. Then I got depressed. I asked my frined if she had anything sharp, b/c she cuts too, she said no. Then guess what fuckin happens. She told Jessi about me wanting to cut. Though Jessi wants me to quit I still do it. Its my body my fucking battle. Courteny(the one I asked), told everyone that was there last night about it. So guess what I got supper pissed and walked to walmart at 2 in the morning. Went back and tried to yell at Courtney b/c she had no fucking right to do that shit. But was she paying attention noooo, I wanted to hit her. So I cut today.....and fuck what they think. Current Mood:  cranky |
| 5:40p | life sucks ass. Take the quiz: "What Kinda Kiss R U?"  Tender Kiss The tender kiss is the feeling where you can be anywhere and show your feelings. i took this quiz and that is what i got. i am so fucking ready to just cut or get drunk or even take a few pills. hell i might go ahead and do all three. man i have been thinking and maybe everything that has been going on is my fault. maybe it is all my fault and damn if it is i should die or something. hey that is a good idea. maybe i will do that. just die. Current Mood: Cut? Current Music: Stars ~ t.A.T.u. |
| 6:12p | im in such a weird mood today. very sleepy. but i have no reason to be tired because i went to bed early last night and slept late.. plus i sleep at school now, which i shouldnt do, bc my grades are dropping down quickly. i just dont care anymore. my mom was like: "i wish MY DAUGHTER was trying to find out what college shes going to". i dont think its my time to think about that yet. you know? im only 15. its not like im a senior or something. so i was like wtf. i spent my day doodling in my journal. wanting to cut my friggin arms off |
| 8:47p | hi hm..i just joined. ive always sorta just checked out this community when i was looking at my friends blurty. i was curious to see inside the minds of people like me so now here i am. im jenn. im 16. ive been cutting on and off for about a year. eh..bummer. i did alot last year and got a buncha shit for it cuz ppl found out and started saying i did everything for attention. that was last januaryish. march came around and me and matt started dating. he found out that i cut and was crushed. he came to my house, went to my room, found my razors, and threw em away. wow..i love him so much. finally, someone who cares. i stoped for like 3 months and cut one night and this happened on and off until recently. everything is just too much lately. the stress of school is unbearable. my mom made me see a therapist, which only makes me feel worse. its like everyday is a bad day and i cry everyday. for the past month i cut wherever when ever. i have 20 cuts on my wrist and a bunch on my leg with a star. i wanna stop. its really hard tho. i feel alone always, no matter what. it sucks cuz matts the only 1 who sorta takes that away. cuz hes the only person in the world I KNOW loves me. meh. he found out a few days ago that i started again. he told me to stop and if i did it he'll do it too, in front of me. and he was gunna check me all the time. well..i did..he found out. now hes gunna cut his wrist and make me watch. i never wanna do it again....but i wanna so bad as well. meh... help? Current Mood:  okayCurrent Music: a better place, a better time- streetlight manifesto |
| 11:37p | What A Horrible Horrible Person You Are... As I write this very minute, I know what type of person I am and what my mother says about me is true. I am a very horrible person that makes everything and everyone miserable. I can not make anyone happy nor can I do anything right how hard I try. In the car on the way home from an XMAS party she started yelling at me about how I'm horrible, I'm lazy, I sleep around with every guy, I lie to much, I'm nothing to her anymore. Ontop of that, I have a solo tomorrow (Tomorrow being Sunday) and its important to me, hardly anyone is coming from my family nor friends, so I asked Adam to come he sounded like he didnt want to, which hurt, but I was fine with, because he didnt want to, I'm not going to force him. To make things short, we got mad at eachother. See? I am a horrible person...I'm always getting people mad at me or at something I do. Why can't I just be a wonderful person everyone loves? I just want to etch those words into my skin, "Horrible, Dishonorable, Stupid, Slut" Aren't they true words? I believe they are. I believe I'm not worth anything right now. But why am I saying this? All I'm doing is complaining? Doesn't that deserve punishment, because I'm not in control? I think it does...I will go find more razors after I'm done with this journal entery. Current Mood: Miserable Current Music: CKY- Attatched at the hip |
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