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Friday, December 10th, 2004
| Time | Event |
| 12:21a | here i go you know what.. i <33333333 my best friend. i'm an idiot, she's done so much for me. and i'm going to try to stop. its so hard.. but ill try. its like throwing away a security blanket.. you can't just stop activities that kept you 'sane' for so long. ah i want to be happy so fucking badly, i can taste it. yet i still hang onto this freakin deathly lifestyle. i dont know why. i need to be stronggggg. |
| 1:16p | i cut my wrist. its the first time. its not too bad but bad enough. i did it the other night and also when i was at work last night. help. i think i really have a problem . |
| 4:04p | havent cut in a month on sunday!! what about you guys? |
| 5:35p | I was prayed for....twice Kathy found out I cut, and this torn her to pieces she was just so in shock...she took me out of our second period and she cried, and prayed for me ... she didnt know what else to do and she is really spiritual...so I didnt know what to do either I just kinda sat there, and it made me cry, because I realized she actually cared....Kathy and Josh care...and thats a HELL of a lot more then I thought did....I dunno...but it's just something I do to stay sane...to keep myself from flipping out at everything else..... here's a poem I wrote 12/9/04 I - I do it to feel pleasure but mostly for the pain all these thoughts and feelings my heart cannot contain I try to look happy to show I do not care but emptiness is taking over my woundes become so bare the thought of me without you is my worst and biggest scare the blades they seem to ease me sending chills down my spine not a stupid contest to win some kind of game ...Sometimes it's for pleasure... ....but mostly to stay sane... --Tell me what you guys think....people said it was good...I dont care if it's good or bad ...It's how I feel...but anyways....-- Bye \m/ Della\m/ Current Mood:  pessimisticCurrent Music: Send the pain below-Chevelle |
| 9:05p | goodness its been a while since i have writtin , i did like a week ago and my computer fucked up. I was hung over so it didnt matter at the time. I havent cut in a few weeks i forget thats the drugs for you, i cant remmeber a damn thing lol. I been waiting to cut, it was really bad but im never at my house i was at my friends house and i didnt have a razor. I used a kitchen knife but of course they never cut you when you want them too. I dont kno its just so hard sometimes and i feel like im alone in this world everyone has someone. But me.. Hope everyone is doin okay? Current Mood:  highCurrent Music: AFI This Celluloid Dream |
| 9:05p | goodness its been a while since i have writtin , i did like a week ago and my computer fucked up. I was hung over so it didnt matter at the time. I havent cut in a few weeks i forget thats the drugs for you, i cant remmeber a damn thing lol. I been waiting to cut, it was really bad but im never at my house i was at my friends house and i didnt have a razor. I used a kitchen knife but of course they never cut you when you want them too. I dont kno its just so hard sometimes and i feel like im alone in this world everyone has someone. But me.. Hope everyone is doin okay? Current Mood: highCurrent Music: AFI This Celluloid Dream |
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