Monday, December 6th, 2004

Time	Event
3:19p	Soo yesterday was completely awsome<3 Went to my boyfriends house and just hung out. Usually we would have sex or do something like that but today was diffrent, since i had my period, we just watched movies and talked. It was like when we were best friends again. And idk why but that made me really happy and so i havent been in a bad enuff mood to cut in so long its been almost a month..yaay for me!! But...i think im scaring. Im not sure if im happy about this or not. I want the scars but i dont want people seeing them. whatever. Hope things are going well for everyone else Current Mood: happy (Comment on this)
8:14p	what is a good thing to cut with that would be very sharp and cause a lot of blood? I know that is probably a dumb question. But, I take apart razors and its just not doing it for me... (5 Comments | Comment on this)
10:08p	Some Writting.. Um.. i was doing good:), i was even content, just waiting for the depression to soar back into my life. and it has come, i knew i goodthing wouldn't last.... heres some poems i wrote they such... i wrote them during history today: Shes broken, twisted, you can't fix it. the constant fears, the crimson tears, always pretending, just waiting for her happy ending. She's broken twisted, you can't fix it. shes always falling, can't get up, she can't stop bauling, she's now fet up. Shes broken twisted you can't fix it. eyes once filled with beauty and joy, now filled with such sorrow and dismay, shes been tossed aside liek an old toy, for this torture who will pay? __________________________________________ Music is blaring, But she’s not caring, It has drowned out into one blurr, But this is all normal for her, She’s lost in her own dimension, She falls farther and farther into her deep dark pit of depression. She’s gone so far in she’s lost now, But how?, How did it get this bad?, How did she possibly become that sad. This dimension you ask?, It has but one task, Plotting her way out of this dreaded game we call life, How will she do it?, Hmm.. maybe a knife, The constant feeling of not having even one friend, Now all she does is wait for the end. Current Mood: disappointed Current Music: My Eyes Burn-Matchbook Romance (2 Comments | Comment on this)
11:51p	i cant change.. i dont know how......... i have no one else to turn to about this and i know none of you know me but i feel the need to just tell someone... anyone. i cut again =(. its been months. argh. i dont even know why either. i think about it all the time when im pissed but i never do it and for some reason, i just felt the need to do it. i did it on my lower, lower stomach where no one can see. i cant risk my wrists again cause my best friend saw the last lil scratches i made and got WICKED pissed at me and we didnt talk for a week. I dont really wanna go back to my ankles. there are enough scars there already and no one but one person knows that ive cut there before but of course they turn BRIGHT purple when im cold djklshglkdjfg so i cant attempt that anymore. argh. i really wanna fuck up my wrist though. REALLY badly =( i hate me i hate who i've become who i've allowed myself to become i hate life i just wanna end it all.............................. maybe i should? Current Mood: numb Current Music: breaking down - mest (3 Comments | Comment on this)

<< Previous Day

2004/12/06 [Calendar]

Next Day >>