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Tuesday, November 30th, 2004
| Time | Event |
| 1:41p | well i grew weaker and weaker as the weeks went by and i finally gave in. i cut last night.....i couldnt find my stash of razors and it kinda worried me bc then i worried that my dad or someone found them and then i found a decent on and i cut my leg so many times. it hurts so bad, but it felt so good. and i just kept looking at the blood all over my hands and it was soo relaxing. whats wrong with me? im so fucked up and i think i need help. i dont know why im so weak and i keep giving in. please help. |
| 2:09p | mother found out i cut recently, she saw my four cuts on my thigh, those were just testing cuts, cuz the real cuts are on my wrists. so when i was changing, she said- if this doesnt stop, ur father and i talked about this- ur going to be hospitalized. and not during summer vacation, but during ur christmas vacation- during the time that you would visit the us instead. i'm crying as i'm writing this. so it finally went though their head that i'm crazy. but just when things were starting to get better- my cutting that is. they didnt see it when i tried killing myself 7 times. when i feel like i'm making progress, they go and make me out as insane. someone who cant be helped. just when i was starting to appreciate my life, my family, my friends, when everything looked liek it was all going to be better. why?? |
| 2:27p | newbie here hey everyone my name is leslie i am 15, well its been 3 months since the last time i cut. yeah hooray for me!! well i really want to but im trying not to.i have so many scars on my wrists and arms and legs i cant even count them all. i ve been hospitalized 3 times because of it. its so hard and im sure all of you know that and i really want to meet some people that actually no what im going through. instead of these fake ass pysciatrists you know what i mean anyways. this is my first time to write on here so leslie Current Mood:  depressed |
| 3:41p | ...i guess its over... saturday was fucked up of course. i mean i was supposed to break up with mike and i did but he said no. i told him that i needed to get help for cutting and that i couldnt do it with him because i would only hurt him in return if i ended up starting to get help and then fail and cut again. he said no. he said that in relationships, people stick together and hes right but i mean i really dont want to hurt him. he doesn't understand the way i think and the way that i have changed since i started cutting. he thinks that i think like a normal teenager but i think so much more emotionally and intellectually so i mean he has no idea. then he said we aren't breaking up, i'll call you more to see how you are doing and yada yada yada. then we made out (bad move) and i haven't talked to him since saturday so ha i guess it really is over. im sad and all but i feel better knowing that if i do cut which i'm trying not to do (really hard and i want to SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO BAD), but if i do, i know that it is one less person i will hurt. then i got yelled at at work last night for "standing around". i had just finished with a customer and tracey was like well i've been noticing you in particular standing around...HMM MAYBE CUZ I'M FUCKIN DEPRESSED AND DON'T FEEL LIKE WORKING RIGHT NOW....hmmm... but i can't be like ya i cut and im depressed and i just broke up with my b/f cause you know she wouldnt understand. so i think i'm done telling you all about my boring life and how none of it really matters but i had to vent HOPE EVERYONE IS DOING AOK <3 much love <3 -:|:- NAE NAE -:|:- Current Mood:  blahCurrent Music: "Untitled" - Simple Plan |
| 4:43p | hey im new my name is tiffany am im 13 and a bad cutter as some people say. my favorite thing to cut on my wrist is an anarchy and a pentgramn sign. I cut and cut until I felt no more My body is weak, my mind is sore Eyes dried up, no more tears around My smile replaced by an unwanted frown Silence has overcome me And fantasy replaces reality Looking to the sky Waiting for my turn to die my soul is screaming but my mouth stays shut Keeping all these feelings in wanting to blow up No one to speak to, nothing is what it seems Im slowly slipping into an eternal dream - No Turning Back - put the razor to my wrist ill be happy once im dead no more pain, no more lies fuck this shit, everyone dies never smiled, always depressed i hate my life, im such a mess im so cold, im so alone abandoned, left on my own people betray and have no heart decieving lies just tare apart i hate my life i want to die im not turining back this time this is goodbye. your lies leave scars on my wrists. my open wounds will bleed untill my veins run dry Current Mood: depressedCurrent Music: jzlp! |
| 7:43p | Hey I'm new to this community. I've been feeling depressed lately, and I guess I'm cutting myself in a way. I don't go deep and I don't even bleed, but I'm actually too scared to go deep and bleed. But I joined because I need people to talk to so I don't end up going deeper and making myself bleed. I usually just go over the same spot over and over again, and I'm glad I don't go deep and make myself bleed, because I want to get out of it before it gets started. |
| 9:03p | Have you ever seen anther lying in a pool of blood? My insicurties are taking over my mind tonyght. Adam just left and I just wanted to be held. My mom as soon as he came over started bitching at me like always, so that brought it down a whole hella lot from shit she said, it didn't help at all when I was on the verge of tears and he didn't even notice. Maybe he did, but he never held me. Thats all I want, is to be held, even if you have to lie to me and tell me everything is going to be alright. I'm not worthy of this world right now, all I see when I look in the mirror is a fatass who can't fucking keep her problems inside. She just has to make them known to others, just so she can feel better about herself, she's such a fucking selfish bitch. I hate the person in the mirror, if I was strong enough, I would punch my mirror till my hands were bloody and I couldn't see my reflection anymore. Sometimes, life would be perfect without me. Wouldn't it? Why do I ask questions when no one will reply to them? It doesn't make sense, but yet I do it anyway. Oh well, if you want to reply, you can. Current Mood:  indescribableCurrent Music: Attached at the hip- CKY |
| 9:08p | my mom is officially trying to be a bitch. now she demanded to see this community and seeif its really helpful. and IT IS. she doesnt believe me. she thinks its making me worse and worse. and now she just walked ina nd read this. shes taking the computer away from me forever it seems. and shes hospitilizing me. I'M JUST ONE FUCKING INSANE PERSON ARENT I??????? |
| 9:12p | THIS IS AN OUTRAGE !! did anyone else see the new series show on Comedy Central?? DRAWN TOGETHER?! im outraged!! the girl on there is in black and white, shes fat, shes jealous of all the other girls cuz they are skinny and pretty and they are in color, right? thats not soo bad..BUT SHE CUTS HERSELF !!!....i feeel WAY invaded and i was soo pissed i was like thats now funny at all....thats cruel and horrible, i deff dont like it when people who cut get made fun of at school or other places, but this is just TOO FAR....they are making fun of every one us to the whole country and more!! so i wrote the makers of the show a very nice EMAIL telling them that i dont appreciate being made fun of like that, and i hope they are HAPPY that they are adding to our pain and making us feel even more like "outsiders" i think i got my point across!! i know they arent gonna change anything about the show but maybe they WILL feel bad or somehting....at least :( but idk they prolly will write me back bcuz the thing i wrote on said they would lol as soon as someone reads it!! im sooo pissed......anyone wanna talk about being pissed about the show..im me XxAdiiCTeD2uxX or comment.... later kids thanx for listening Current Mood:  angryCurrent Music: ACDC-hells bells |
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