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Monday, November 29th, 2004
| Time | Event |
| 12:00a | it kinda sucked. 2day 2 of my friends found out that i cut. so they were bugging me 2 show them. i finally did and they like freaked out. they were like "omg jennelle, stop doing that" easier said than done. they were so shocked. i really didnt think that they were that bad. but ya no, what can i expect from people that dont understand. i kinda regret showing them. but hey, what r ya gonna do right? ive been having way 2 much stuff on my mind lately. theres a few guys that ive had my mind on and im so comfused. theres jeff(my bf) mike danny and matt. i dont no what im gonna do w/ all of them. i dont wanna cheat on jeff but i totally wanna get w/ mike and danny. so all that shit is stressing me out. not 2 mention all the other shit thats making my life hell. im trying really hard 2 keep it 2gether and some times cutting just doesnt do it ne more but i cant cut 2 deep. sometimes i just feel like im gonna fall apart. i really dont want 2. im so scared about jeff, i dont no what the hell is gonna happen. he really confuses me sometimes. i cant read him as well as i can read other guys. hes really different. i dont no if i like that or not. yeah so thats all. people r telling me that i need 2 talk 2 people more. i guess i should. well im gonna go... Current Mood:  worried |
| 12:59a | ROCKIN I forgot to add the having my tounge pierced rocks... I dont know why I just didnt do it when I was with Tyler. I let him control me... I was stupid... but now I do what I want and I love my tounge ring! XOXO *MUGHA* Aimee Kendra Lynn Current Mood:  hyper |
| 10:45a | I.feel.like.there.is.noone.out.there.who.e .because.i'll.get.sent.away.fuck.i.need.t .megan. Current Mood: lonelyCurrent Music: The.Used.Let.It.Bleed. |
| 10:45a | I.feel.like.there.is.noone.out.there.who.e .because.i'll.get.sent.away.fuck.i.need.t .megan. Current Mood: lonelyCurrent Music: The.Used.Let.It.Bleed. |
| 10:45a | I.feel.like.there.is.noone.out.there.who.e .because.i'll.get.sent.away.fuck.i.need.t .megan. Current Mood: lonelyCurrent Music: The.Used.Let.It.Bleed. |
| 11:55a | New Here Hi.I'm a new member and just joined this community. I am 15 years old and I have been cutting for two years. Lifes really hard right about now so I am cutting more than usual. In the past week I have cut maybe 50 times, its horrible I just cant stop. The other night I cut real deep, I started feeling really dizzy and everything got real blurry, I think I may have passed out cuz I woke up and I was on the floor and there was globs of blood on my carpet. Anyone have any ideas how to get blood out of the carpet before my mom comes in n sees because I think shes starting 2 suspect something. I joined this because I was hoping here I would find people to talk to and help me, that would understand me and not judge me... Current Mood: depressed |
| 12:44p | Hmm... Well... I brook my glasses and have no contacts so Im walking around blind. Its kinda fun... you get to make really stupid mistakes and blame it on not being able to see. Ive been writing alot. Nothing good... it never is. Um... my best friend and soul mate(someone who will always be there) gave me a letter that sounded like a suicide note. So I was really freaking out. Then she wouldnt answer her phone so I thought she did something. I posted something on it somewhere. But anyways... I got to see her and Im really happy. We cried and yeah. Shes my LOVER!! LOL! yeah... Darren and I are like really fucked up. Darren had sex with his ex while he was in town from ft. benning. He is going over to Iraq in December. Hes all trying to apoligize to me and Im like... hmm... okay. I dont know what to say to him. What do I say to him? Im lost. But yeah.... XOXO *MUGHA* -Aimee Kendra Lynn Current Mood:  blankCurrent Music: Evanescence |
| 12:44p | Hmm... Well... I brook my glasses and have no contacts so Im walking around blind. Its kinda fun... you get to make really stupid mistakes and blame it on not being able to see. Ive been writing alot. Nothing good... it never is. Um... my best friend and soul mate(someone who will always be there) gave me a letter that sounded like a suicide note. So I was really freaking out. Then she wouldnt answer her phone so I thought she did something. I posted something on it somewhere. But anyways... I got to see her and Im really happy. We cried and yeah. Shes my LOVER!! LOL! yeah... Darren and I are like really fucked up. Darren had sex with his ex while he was in town from ft. benning. He is going over to Iraq in December. Hes all trying to apoligize to me and Im like... hmm... okay. I dont know what to say to him. What do I say to him? Im lost. But yeah.... XOXO *MUGHA* -Aimee Kendra Lynn Current Mood: blankCurrent Music: Evanescence |
| 4:05p | ugh!! everythings so confusing!! ok so my ex, i told him i didnt want to talk to him, i called him and i *67d it so he dint know it was me(this was wednesday) but he DID think it was me tho....so he called me and left me a loooong drunken message, but i didnt wanna start something so i said nothing about it, and then he called me cousin right..(thursday) and he asked her where i was on wenesday she said wiht me he said did she call me, she said nope....so he thinks someone else called him now.. so then friday night comes along and i hada go tot he hospital ALL night cuz my sister got rushed in there cuz she was going into labor, and shes only 5 months.....so shes been in there... he calls my house on friday, and i wasnt there...i was at the hospital so he couldnt get ahold of me, so then he calls my cousins cell phone like 3 or 4 times and was like wheres ***** at? and she said at the hospital wiht her sister.....( he works with mys siter so he knew what happened) and he asked if i had my cell and she said no....so then he talked to her for about 20 minutes about me, saying he misses me and he really wants to talkt o me and all this. so my cuz tells me to call him back, but i didnt want to.....so then i went home blah blah, saturday morning i get up around 12 and my cousin calls me...she sid jon just called me and he wants you to call him hes a work i said no k im not going to and she begged me she said it was really important he really wanted to tlakt o him......so i got up my courage and i called... this was the ETIRE CONVO!! me: hey him: hey me: what did u want last night? him: oh nothing i just wanted to talk.. me:ok him:well im at work can i call u back later? me: ya i guess him:well ill try to me:mmk...later hung up so then my day goes by and i go to this club later and i called my cuz and we met up ther.....so then she leaves to go to her friends house so i was left with 3 of my guy friends....and one was mike and so we were dancing having a good time blah blah she calls me on mikes cell cuz mine was in the car she sayd jon called u he wants you to call him now....i said ugh !! im busy!! she said just do it! so i was like whys he call you? and she was like he called ur house, u werent there... so i called him he said he was calling me back from earlier?? he just wanted to know where i was.....im like i dont even want to talk to you in the first place why are u calling me?? ugh!! anyways so he was being a jerk to me after i called him back which i didnt have to and i deff. didnt want to.....so idk its like he says he wants tot talk to me and he misses me blah but he dont really and he checks to see where i am to see if im wiht guys and shit...im like ugh i fucking hate you!!! but anyways lol sorry for wasting all yalls time on my dumb lame problems lol ill ttyl i guess i jus hadda get all this ahit out... hhaha oh ya the whole point of my story was to tell yall that i cut....alot deep too later kids Current Mood:  confusedCurrent Music: the used-box of sharp objects |
| 4:27p | I'm crying inside, can't you hear me?! "Don't have a soul on my side Still ridiculed despite how hard that I have tried Don't take me under your wing I don't need a hand, don't need anything I"ve got a roof over my head As if I'd rather be alone with me instead.." I heard this song and just started bawling. It just fit inside me, to me, it shows that someone is trying to be happy, but they can't. I'm sorry, I just want my skin to be torn away from my body in lil strips. I hate myself, but worse, I hate those that love me... Current Mood: crushedCurrent Music: CKY- Close yet far |
| 4:47p | i cant stop cutting i try and i try but i just cant stop and i know when my mom finds out again she'll say its because i did bad on my grades when i know thast not it because it was before i got my grades but idk maybe i'll just let her believe cuz i dont feel like fighting anymore. Also out of all my friends im like the only one without a boyfriend or any guy for that matter the dance is coming up the semi and i dont kno if im even going cuz everyone else has sumone to go with so i'll be stuck all by myself again. And last nite i OD again on sleeping pills hoping i wouldnt wake up today but i did at 2:30 and i was so mad that i did . I just know i gotta stop cuz my friend mite be pregnant and i kno i gotta be there for her if she is but i dont kno its getting really hard and i know if i OD my parents wont even notice they think i sleep so alte jsut cuz im at that age but idk im so cofused/ i'll stop wasting ur time now. ~ redd ~ Current Mood: sadCurrent Music: CKY - close yet far |
| 7:58p | I wish I could say something right. My mom thinks I havn't cut since August. Except for the fact that I do it almost every day. My mom brought it up today though. So kept on telling me that I need to get ride of my "dark attitude" which I really don't understand what she means by that. She was just telling me that shes sick of my arrogance and how cynical and saracastic I am, and how I'm never happy anymore and how I wear too much black. She keeps on telling me that she dosn't need me in her life and that shes gonna leave me soon if I don't get it together. She says that cutting is something I did in the past and I should act like I did before when I was happy and spontanious. She still can't believe that I cut though. She goes "Did you really just feel so worthless that you would cut yourself?... you just felt like a worthless piece of shit?" I never have a response. And when I do... it's deffinatly not the right one. If she finds out that I'm doing it again, I have no idea what she would do. But I don't want to find out. Current Mood:  nervousCurrent Music: The Past and Pending - The Shins |
| 8:55p | i cut bad on my ankle last night. so badly that its still bleeding today. i knew it was bad because i could see the skin pulled apart. i think i need stitches...o god no, please dont let me need stitches. im about to go upstairs and shower and shave my legs though so i can pretend that i cut myself last night shaving or something..hmm this sounds like a good plan :) im scared that i need stitches though. im scared it will hurt. on the up side..ate only about 525 calories today! im v. proud of myself. well not really..i should/could do better. but i didnt go over my 600 limit soo! toodles for now! Current Mood: worriedCurrent Music: cocoon-joydrop |
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