!5 (SaVe us from the PaIn)'s Blurty

i need to get this out.

i was really happy...for about 4 days..and it all blew up in my face...heres the story..last friday night i went to a show with one of my friends...this is the first time ive been out since..the beginning of october..so me and this girl were standing there and someone taps my shoulder..i turn around and its a guy who i used to be friends with/obsessed with until he moved in 7th grade...he was like hey remember me..and i freaked out...we hung out the rest of the show and when i got home i talked to him on im...i liked him right away...or thought i did...of course, i had been drinking before i imed him..so halfway through our conversation i started acting like a douchbag..he eventually signed off and that was that...so tuesday night (i hadnt talked to him since friday) i imed him and apoligized for being a dumbass...all he said was "whos this again? lol" what the fuck..i was so upset..its lame but god..i thought i liked him..and this would have been big for me bc hes the first guy ive even looked at since me and my ex broke up in march...but im thinking i didnt like him at all..i was just happy to finally have someone in my life who doesnt know anything about me and wont judge me..god..i was so happy from friday-tuesday...i cant even explain it..i didnt even care when my ex walked by me in school and called me a slut...he (or one of his friends) does this almost everyday and it usually makes me insanely emo..but i didnt even care...so on wednesday when i got to school i went to go find my dealer and i find out he got kicked out of our school and is going to an alternative one..along with all of his friends who i have gone to at some point to get stuff off of..so now no drugs until i find somone new...but it is kind of ironic bc i was going to ask my dealer for sleeping pills..and not because i cant sleep at night...but god..i was so happy and now i feel like shit...which i shoud be used to by now

the song im listen to is really good..its that typical popwannabepunk type style of simple plan..and i hate the band and most of their music..but the lyrics to this song are good

that was long and probably didnt make sense..but oh well..had to tell someone...hope everyones doing ok :)

Current Mood: crushed
Current Music: simple plan-crash and burn