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Wednesday, November 17th, 2004
| Time | Event |
| 12:35a | Hey guys! How are y'all?? (((That's not a hypothetical question :) Do answer))) I'm actually doing pretty good... haven't cut in a long time so... yeah. I think it's because I'm on daily meds but I'm finally okay with that. It's taken me a long long time to admit that I need meds to think right... it sounds really pathetic, i know... Bit it's okay. It seriously is. Because I'm better now. And NO its not the meds talking. I seriously do believe that I'm better off. Anyway... I hope you guys are doing okay... please talk to me if you need to :) Aim: SoulOfMyOwn and Yahoo: this_lost_soul_of_mine. PS: like my icon? Mmmhottness ;) |
| 6:09p | what the fuck sooo my therapist is going to have a baby next week so she wont be back until january 3rd...oh fuck. im going to be a basket case. i mean, i know ive turned into the kind of person who depends on somebody else to make me feel better but i really think this is going to be bad. that almost 2 months. i think i am going to cut alot in that time. uh-oh. i want to cut on my arm some more. i think i might. i have to wash my long sleeved shirts though. ugh i cant stand myself anymore. i really want to die these past few days and i dont know why. like REALLY REALLY badly. work makes me want to cry. coming home really isnt my favorite option and school is obviously always such a drag. i cant get away from it. my therapist tells me to be positive but i just cant be. the negativity of everything around me is pulling me in and i hate it. i want to sleep forever and not wake up. can somebody please make me wake up from this nightmare? ahhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i want to cry. so badly. today sucks. yesterday sucks. tomorrows going to suck. someobody kill me before i do it myself. i think i need to cut. Current Mood:  crappyCurrent Music: train |
| 6:40p | gonna get worse i guess no internet, geez. i'm at the library, my internet at home is out. my parents are perpetually mad at me, i'm perpetually depressed, and all that good stuff. but i'm gonna get through this somehow. i swore i would never cut again. 2 weeks 4 days down, rest of my life to go. Current Mood: sadCurrent Music: "excuse me mr." or "bathwater" by no doubt |
| 7:20p | oh my... oh my, ok so me and my ex have been "talking" ever since we broke up but he told me he dint wanna be wiht me he just wants to hang out and stuff ...aka...he just wants to fuck, so i told him i didnt wanna tlak to him anymore, ever...like im done with him, he said thats fine if thats what u want then ok, and i said ya thats what i want....this was like uhm...a week and a half or so ago, so he just decides to leave me a message telling me he cant stop thinking about me blah blah last night, so basically im really pissed cuz i was getting over him, and to tell the truth i was gladly getting over him, so today was good at school but...then i got out early and hadda go work , so i thought about him all day long! idk why, and then i looked for anyhting to cut myself with...anything! but i didnt find anyhting so i got out a lighter and burned my arm...idk that was the first time i burned myslef.and it didnt really give me the satisfaction that cutting does...so then i remembered that my dad has razorblades in his ash tray in his car, new freash, shiny ones....idk why but he does...so got one out and jus cut and cut in the same place over and over again and it was horribly deep. hurts like a bitch now, but its good....and idk i cut right by the vein in my wrist and i got as deep as my vein was but i didnt cut it, it was weird cut i never did that b4 and like it dosent bleed too much when its right by the vein so i could see my blue vein right under the surface like perfectly it was so weird anyone else ever done that? comment...idk anyone else having bf troubles? comment....i need support!! layter all Current Mood:  distressedCurrent Music: fallout boy- saturday |
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