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Sunday, November 14th, 2004
| Time | Event |
| 12:55p | i was so close to ending last night my mom walked out on me i cried for half an hour and got pills...but didnt...and todays her b-day...happy b-day bitch i really appreciate what you've done to me... |
| 5:16p | well today kind of sucked... my friend cut herself real bad again and it really got me thinking... i should try and stop because i dont want to end up like her. shes tried to kill herself two or three times and is always cutting. i just dont want to end up like that. So im going to /try/ to stop. i know its going to be hard but i think if i try hard enuff i can possible do it or atleast slow it down alot. and this time when i tell myself to stop im not going to cut more...im going to stop. ok well peace out Current Mood:  contemplative |
| 6:26p | oops? i cut the other day. i dont remeber which, i think it was friday? yea that sounds right. i dont know why i did it, i was on a "contract" with my therapist. i had to perform ten acts of something, anything healthy before i cut. here it is: 1) take a nap 2) clean your room 3) journal about feelings 4) cut paper, not skin 5) go on the computer 6) listen to music (i dont really do this one, some of my music makes me want to cut more) 7) go for a walk 8) take an old pillow and rip it apart 9) do homework, or draw 10) talk to someone so thats what im sapoosed to do when i want to cut. it doesnt neccesarily have to be in that order, but just do them. i forgot about it this time, but i guess it works because by them time your done on the computer, or taking a walk or talking to sosmone, you may have forgotten that you wanted to cut. but i didnt do them and i cut on my left upper arm, 6 times. im a freak but it felt awesome. i cant stop starting at my scars. i love them, i dont know why. there are 8 lines on my inner lower arm that i stare at constantly. i did that. i made those. their beautiful. ughh why am i so retarded?! i called into work today and got reemed. oh well. fuck it. im in a fuckit mood. plus im just reallly sad. i think i may go take a walk or journal.. or cut paper or rip apart my pillow. Current Mood:  sadCurrent Music: tv |
| 9:03p | its over goodbye weird world that never understood me. goodbye everyone that hurt me, goodbye to everything its time my nightmare ends.so as i say it for the last time goodbye, goodbey ,goodbye assholes |
| 9:09p | FUCK! im so fuckin angry!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! fuckin everyone! goddamnit! aaaaah! this is driving me crazy!!!! i need pills, i need something!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! gooosh. Current Mood:  angryCurrent Music: CKY - Shitty Xmas |
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