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Tuesday, November 9th, 2004
| Time | Event |
| 2:34a | la la land hey .... im bored im sitting at school... typing away .. being dumb!! ...im trying to keep myself occupied!! but its not workin! i wanna cut but i cant not in school... and im scared i have to tell my mom im a bisexual ( i like gurls and guys ) and tell her she cant do shit about it ! but im too sared ... does any one get like that?? ... and vanessa... i get panic attacks alot .. well not a whole bunch but alot! commen this or catch me on AIM .. my screen name is .. crazed wit fear .... and my other is Cravinf4RealLuv ... i.m. me if ya wanna ttyl... Current Mood:  nervousCurrent Music: none |
| 6:38a | yesterday in english, i...being the total dumbass i am...let me arm go free and let everyone see it. well not everyone. i just didnt have my jacket on and i was leaning on my arm... and the girl next to me goes "why do u have cuts all up your arms?" and i do like a fake laugh and just say "it was 2 years ago. it was a dumb mistake" and shes like "how come theyre still there" and im like "theyre gonna stay with me for the rest of my life" and shes like "aw.im sorry" it was quite interesting. plus im pretty relieved she didnt freak out on me or something. after that incident i put my jacket back on and i swear i will not take it off. the whole convo with her made me feel stupid. i know why i cut. but the fact that no one else seems to understand, fucks me over. well i havent cut in 4 days.......................... |
| 10:55a | hurting more than myself me:why do you want to see them? tony:i just want to tony:i was in your life when you probably made a lot of them me:95 percent or more tony:and they've caused me pain too tony:so i think its appropriate me:i never want to do that, i never want to hurt you me:I'm sorry tony:can i see them? sometime me:yeah that guilt, it's horrible. i don't want to hurt him! how could i be so messed up, to hurt someone i love? but still, i don't want to show him. I'm so self-conscious about my body, not the scars. I'm overweight, and it's mostly in an extra-curvy way, which isn't so bad. but i always feel nervous, cause he's this really, really hot guy, great face and bod and all, and I'm just, me. too-round face, size 10. *sighs* Current Mood: nervousCurrent Music: "tourniquet"-marilyn manson |
| 10:55a | hurting more than myself me:why do you want to see them? tony:i just want to tony:i was in your life when you probably made a lot of them me:95 percent or more tony:and they've caused me pain too tony:so i think its appropriate me:i never want to do that, i never want to hurt you me:I'm sorry tony:can i see them? sometime me:yeah that guilt, it's horrible. i don't want to hurt him! how could i be so messed up, to hurt someone i love? but still, i don't want to show him. I'm so self-conscious about my body, not the scars. I'm overweight, and it's mostly in an extra-curvy way, which isn't so bad. but i always feel nervous, cause he's this really, really hot guy, great face and bod and all, and I'm just, me. too-round face, size 10. *sighs* Current Mood: nervousCurrent Music: "tourniquet"-marilyn manson |
| 10:55a | hurting more than myself me:why do you want to see them? tony:i just want to tony:i was in your life when you probably made a lot of them me:95 percent or more tony:and they've caused me pain too tony:so i think its appropriate me:i never want to do that, i never want to hurt you me:I'm sorry tony:can i see them? sometime me:yeah that guilt, it's horrible. i don't want to hurt him! how could i be so messed up, to hurt someone i love? but still, i don't want to show him. I'm so self-conscious about my body, not the scars. I'm overweight, and it's mostly in an extra-curvy way, which isn't so bad. but i always feel nervous, cause he's this really, really hot guy, great face and bod and all, and I'm just, me. too-round face, size 10. *sighs* Current Mood: nervousCurrent Music: "tourniquet"-marilyn manson |
| 4:56p | hey everyone, hope you're all doing good. well there's been a lot of shit going on in my life these past few weeks involving my best friends, my role models, but most of all my "brothers". my emotions have been building up so much, and it was getting to a point where i couldn't hold on to them any more. it was like a jar being filled up with water, and when it got full to the top the water would just pour over the top. thats how i felt. i found my razor and just made 3 cuts on my upper leg. i forgot what that feeling was like, and i liked it. 5 months of no cutting ruined. im so dissapointed in myself right now. i know back inside my head that i could have prevented myself from doing that but my emotions overpowered me. it sucks so much to know that all you hard work has been spoiled. my hard work of resisting the need to cut, resisting the urges, ignoring my razors in my drawer. i could have been more powerful but i wasnt. i hate that! ♥ hailey Current Mood:  cold |
| 5:08p | hey hey, my name is jennelle. im new to this and i thought that these community things just looked cool. i dont really have time to write so maybe i will later... Current Mood:  weirdCurrent Music: kittie |
| 5:40p | okay i made a new journal and i want to delete this one but i dont know i think someone should tell me |
| 5:43p | hey...hope everyones doing ok...im thinking about writing an article for journalism on self injury...to go in the school paper...but im only going to do it if the editor will let me be anonomyous (sp) bc im afraid that if people see that im writing this article they would "put two and two together" and realize i cut..but should i even do the article? would it offend anyone?? and does anyone know an angle i can take?? id like feedback...im only considering this because my rough draft is due friday and i dont even have a topic...thanks in advance :) Current Mood:  contemplativeCurrent Music: beyond the gray sky- 311 |
| 6:46p | What do I feel? For the past few days I haven't felt anything, I just am dazed and scared of myself. I promised Adam I wouldn't cut, so I don't know what I can do. Does anyone have any ideas? I haven't eaten, because when I do, I just throw it up. I feel sick from not cutting, I know I'm addicted, but I want to feel happy. Cept I heard what can happen if you keep throwing up, so I want to find other way, if no one can help me, then I guess I'll fuck it and keep doing it. To feel the blade against skin is just so good, to feel the little teeth pull at your skin till it tears open, watching the little beads of blood run down. God...something is wrong with me... Can someone tell me what else I can do? Thank you. ~Bri |
| 7:13p | you told me to look at the sky... friday, my parents found out. but not about everything. they only think that ive cut once, and that the only time that i cut i cut the word why into the back of my hand. when the reality is, ive been cutting for 9 almost 10 months and ive been anorexic for the past 6 months. so of course right now, im razorless and i dont have anything thats sharp enough to cut with. all i have is a safety pin that wont cut anything anymore because its so dull from the last time i used it. last week i talked to hugh. but today he ditched me for cathy again. i dont know why i bother with that boy. he says he cares, but if he really cared he wouldnt just be on the phone with me when i called, he would call me too and he would actually try to spend time with me in and outside of school. lately ive started to really like this guy bruce.. and ive been getting like a vibe or something that im not the only one with feelings, he likes me too. but i dont know what to do.. i dont want to get hurt. i dont want to hurt him. okay. ima go and try to sleep some of this off. took 10 advil today in the back of my ips class and i have a craving for more. :-/ <3 gabby Current Mood: lonelyCurrent Music: alkaline trio- trouble breathing |
| 8:04p | i cut 2day.. can you please read and then IM me on AIM.. :( OPPS I CUT 2DAY .. :( .. i was mad and depressed about alot and i took my blades from my moms room when she wasnt home and i took them out and looked at them... and i took one and i cut my self just once so the thought of me cutting could leave my head .. but.. it felt sooo good that i did it again and again and again and now i have 7 cuts and i carved in a "K" and an ''S'' :( ..im soo messed up latly .. i like 4 gurls and im really close friends with 2 of them... and i told all of them i wouldnt cut ... and i promised sum of my other friends ..and i broke my promise .. i feel really really bad !! read this ... "Hey god, why r u doin this to me? am i not livin up to wat im suppose to be? i think you owe me a big apology. i donno wat ya mean. seems like salvation only comes in my dreams.i feel my hatred growin more extreme. can this world be as sad as it seems? dont take it away from me, i need someone to hold on to.there is nothign left for me to hide. i lost my ignorance, security, and pride.im all alone in this world u must despise. i believed the promises and lies. u made me throw it all away. my morals are left to decay.u've taken everything from me! my head is filled with a disease,my mind is beggin u ..please. im on my hands and knees. i want soo much to believe, i really do,i give u every thing i really donno who i am in this horrible world.." is it good??? i wrote it i think its ok but not the best... well i dont know wat to do anymore... :( can some one help me please ?! if you can help me or give me advice then, IM me on AIM ..my screen name is ... Craving4RealLuv PLEASE, yours truly Krista H. :( PS .. sorry its soo long.. Current Mood: lonely / depressed / numb Current Music: nobody's home - avril / The Disappering Boy - Green Day |
| 9:36p | Hey everyone, Last night I cut really deep and it wouldnt stop bleeding. I put a bunch of band-aids on it when I was sleeping but in the morning it started bleeding again and I put a white goz type pad on it, I didnt know what else to do. During math it broke open and it gave me this sharp pain and I gasped and a friend asked what was wrong and I said nothing. The same friend saw the goz pad when my sleeve fell down. She kept asking me what happened and I said that I got burnt making dinner and she didnt believe me and kept asking me what really happened. I dont want to tell her. She wouldnt understand. Yeah I have to go, my favorite tv show is on now. Night everyone. -Jenn Current Music: My Chemical Romance |
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