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Monday, November 8th, 2004
| Time | Event |
| 6:29a | i went to the football game again. and i had fun on the way there with molly.. and then on the way back i was just like out of it. i scratched my wrist with my fingernail. and didnt think it would bleed or anything but it did. hmm.. and i give myself three days to feel better or else i swear i`ll drive right off a fucking cliff because if i can't learn to make myself feel better how can i expect anyone else to give a shit? |
| 6:29a | i went to the football game again. and i had fun on the way there with molly.. and then on the way back i was just like out of it. i scratched my wrist with my fingernail. and didnt think it would bleed or anything but it did. hmm.. and i give myself three days to feel better or else i swear i`ll drive right off a fucking cliff because if i can't learn to make myself feel better how can i expect anyone else to give a shit? |
| 10:26a | hey..imkrista and ..im kinda new to all of this .. i know a few ppl but not many... i joined this cuz asu can already tell i cut .. i have problems and i need help and to talk to ppl that know wat im goin through..im lonly .. no self esteam.. nothing .....im empty!! if u feel this waytoo or ya wannn talk .. comment this or if u have AIM i.m. me my s.n.'s are either...: crazed wit fear ( if im not on it then its..) Craving4RealLuv ... ttyl ~ krista Current Mood:  boredCurrent Music: 'Karma' by alicia keys |
| 2:32p | Community Idea Hey guys. I was thinking about starting a community where people could post things they write, any lyrics you have that you are thinking about making into a song. Then people can like review them and give you any suggestions. Also, if you're new to blurty and havn't any friends, then it would be a cool place to meet people too. And you don't have to post a song or anything, it can just be randomness, like how you feel. So let me know if anyone is interested, or what your ideas are. Thanks! Current Mood:  hungryCurrent Music: Good Riddance...Green Day |
| 3:38p | so this is the deal....last night i got my little razors and they were blunt as hell. so i broke off a razor from a brand new gillette razor and...oh my god, it felt so nice. it made me cry and cry. i cut three fucking times so fucking deep on my wrist. wanting to die. yes. suicide attemt. my sister heard me crying in the bathroom. figured out that i was cutting. and she started crying cuz she was sick of having to take care of me. so she woke up my mom. my mom started to yell at me. and i just cried with 7 band ainds over my cuts cuz it was bleeding so much. caught in the act. the first time. i feel so mad. in one cut, i could see my vein under this thin layer of skin, i hadnt cut deep enough. but i was afraid of going over the same cut. i never had the courage of cutting over another cut. although i lost a lot of blood, i didnt get dizzy. i'm just glad that i cut again. i have control over myself again. and i can cut again whenever i want...this makes me so extremly happy, you have no idea. so i'll type more later...(i'm at school and ppl are starting to get interested in what i'm doing...fucking bastards. STAY OUT OF MY BUSINESS!!!!!) *Laisa* Current Mood: happy and mad..? Current Music: i dunno...something the computer teacher is listening to. |
| 3:42p | o0o0o0o0o00ooooo0000oo oh man. today in choir, i was looking at this cut girl (haha im so bi) and i looked down at her music and saw like...6 red lines on her left arm. i looked closer and they were cuts! i didnt know other people in that school do it, i mean trust me..i loooked. i think these things are interesting, im such a freak. im going to update mor elater but i have to pee and im hungry haha. -becki Current Mood: hungryCurrent Music: mash |
| 4:28p | Alright guys, I made a community. It's called : the_rusty_spork Humor me and join. Please? Current Mood:  hopefulCurrent Music: Brain Stew..Green Day |
| 4:49p | I don't know how to tell Tom how I feel about him. He's so messed up. He has so many problems. And I want to help him, I want to be there for him. I want to be his. But I don't know how to. I have three cuts on my upper arm where no one can see them, because my sleeve covers it. I don't even remember doing it. That's what scares me sometimes. I was sitting on my bed, playing with an old blade I have. (My first one I ever used. I'm etached to it.) I was kinda dosing off with it in my hand. I woke up about half an hour later, and their were cuts on on arm. They were only bleeding a little. They made me happy though. I have a cold sore on the bottom of my lip, and it hurts. Oh well. I'm gonna go pig out on oreos now. Current Mood: numbCurrent Music: Good Charlotte...The Day That I Die |
| 5:11p | I have a question for everyone, do you sometimes want to let people know that you cut just to see how they would react? When one of my friends found out she got all worried and worked up about it and it made me feel kinda... special. It just made me feel that someone actually cared. Yeah just wondering on that one. I always keep it secred just incase, its a personal thing to me. -Jenn |
| 7:00p | does anyone get panic attacks ? please comment or im me .. ness0x |
| 8:09p | I'm...on step from completely just...breaking down. I'll be honest. I'm hurting so bad, I can't stand it. I hate hurting this much. I *hate* hurting so much. Everything seems to be going...so...bad lately. Today was Val's baptism. Yeah. I had to go--mainly because it was at the end of church so...I really didn't have much of a choice, y'know? Two of her friends, Vickie and Jackie, attended. Vickie and Jackie: called me a bitch more than once, lied to me, stabbed me in the back, and a lot worse. So they were there. Val was there. ...And I brought Joey to church. He wanted to go to see Val's baptism because he's still close friends with her, apparently, and Vickie and Jackie too. (For those of you who don't know the entire story, I'll summarize briefly... Val used to be a close friend of mine, before I introduced her to this guy friend who I've liked for over 2 years and then...she turned into a rabid dog, turned on me and quite literally stole Joey away from me and cursed me out and just...wrecked every little shred of my self esteem. That's the brief, less-detailed version of what happened.) Joey wanted to see her baptism, so he arrived at my house really early and we brought him to Sunday School and church with me and my family. Everything was going...so....great before Sunday School started. Joey had sat down at the piano and started to play that Death Cab for Cutie song "Passenger Seat" and he was singing it and just....smiling and looking at me and watching me the entire time he was, and that made me feel so...important, so special. (The day before he had really hinted he really liked me. He said that he had written something in his journal about me but was afraid to say what it was because he didn't want it to change the friendship and he said it was personal and he wasn't ready to tell me yet.) I mean, everything was going great. And then...Val came. And...Joey completely ignored me after that. After Sunday School, Joey instantly went right upstairs, without me, to see Val's two friends Vickie and Jackie. He left me standing there on the stairs waiting for him for a few minutes before I realized he wasn't coming back. So I finally went downstairs and entered the Sanctuary from the basement-up and that's when I saw Joey was sitting with Val and Vickie and Jackie. He just...completely blew me off. I went back downstairs into the basement for the first half of the sermon and just...cried and cried and cried. And then I went back upstairs and cried and cried and cried even more. Joey completely blew me off after the sermon and after the baptism. He went right downstairs with Val and her friends and just...completely excluded me. And it hurt because just on Friday he was saying how much he hates it when his friends exclude him from a large group and leave him standing in the corner alone. And that's exactly what he did to me. I cried when I got home. I cried and cried and cried. I have no self esteem. I have no self worth. I don't like myself. I don't know why Joey doesn't like me or why Joey doesn't talk to me anymore. I don't know why he ignores me. I have no confidence. I'm not pretty. I'm not attractive. I hate myself. Current Mood: crushedCurrent Music: H.I.M.--"Heartache Every Moment" |
| 10:51p | GRRR! Don't you hate it when the one person you like, likes your really good friend... It makes me so mad.. cuz for the 7 months that we went out i didn't cutt atall.. and not cuz i promised him not to .. cuz he was my cuttign he helped me through everything, he was the first person i actually trusted and told things:) but now i have closed myself off to everyone again..... i love him and i think i always will... in some way or another.. but i still can't get over him, and now were leik best friends :S... so its weird... cuz he dosn't leik me that way but kinda leads me on.. then crushes me cuz he has to talk a/b how much he likes her, and i really want to be friends with him so i help him out with her... so to rant a/b stupid boys, thats like the least of my problems... but i don't talk to ne one a/b anything.. except with him and this i can't... Danielle- Current Mood:  aggravatedCurrent Music: Evil- Interpol |
| 11:12p | Current Mood:  drainedCurrent Music: rise against |
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