Wednesday, October 27th, 2004

Time	Event
4:06p	in the past week...ive wanted to kill myself. cut my arms off. spread blood all over my bedroom walls. uhm, my mom caught me drawing on my wall in my own blood. crazy thing is.. i dont remember actually doing it. i remember what happened after the fact. but not doing it. lately ive been very depressed. like severely. oh and a few weeks ago i was diagonosed bipolar . sometimes i just feel so alone, when theres friends infront of my face wanted to help me. idk, im just really confused cos i dont even know my mind anymore. (i think i made you up inside my head) my doctor upped my dose, yet again. both prozac and geodon. for a while, i had this attitude where i wanted to try and start cutting. but now im just like "this is what has worked for me for 3 years.. and im gonna give this up?" it does help me. i dont care what anyone else says. im doing well in school. my eating disorder is definately not as severe as it was. but that puts me in a depressed mood, cos i hate my weight. anyway.. i have homework. (7 Comments | Comment on this)
8:30p	Hey guys. It's been a long time since I've posted here. I doubt if anyone actully really remembers me. Anyway. Just wanted to let you all know that I've finally gotten out of theripy. I'm still on my Anti-depressiants. Yet the good news is I'm barely cutting. Sure I'm not completely healed as they would say. But it's not every night as it was. Just wanted to say thanks for all the support I've gotten from this community the past couple of months that I've been here and I hope everyone else is staying strong. Current Music: The used - "Buried myself Alive" (1 Comment | Comment on this)
9:25p	hiding cuts any suggestions on how to hide cuts in the summer... i wear bathing suits a lot at camp and i was wondering if you guys have any suggestions- i have scars and i cut on my upper arms, upper legs, and wrists...so can any one give me tips on how to hide it more? Current Mood: content Current Music: cut without the e taking back sunday (4 Comments | Comment on this)
10:32p	ok well here's my day. I had to do the grade 10 literacy test which was so easy, or would have been if my mind hadn't have been on the fact that my muther just found out that I cut myself and I had to go to the hospital. I talked to a councillor and I feel a whole lot better. I think things are taking a turn for the better for once. Current Mood: content Current Music: Nothing (Comment on this)
10:36p	yeah. this si really annoying bc i cant comment on anybody. andd when i go to the lost info page it wont send it to me so i can verify it and comment.. soo sory. ill keep trying. i think im gunna try to stop cutting. bc everyone saw it the other day. andd i made up the most retarted lie ever. i was like umm. theres a staple sticking out of my couch. andd i never realized it was cutting me.. * isnt that so fake ? haha. * well some people believed me. except this kid kyle , i think hes gay, not that anythings wrong with that. i have -nothing- against gay people., he kept sayingg that i cut myself. and he was like nicole. the rubberbands. the scars., oyou cut yourself. you shouldnt cut yourself. i swear that kid is the most annoying person i ever met. then he told everybody. so they all had to look at my arm.. andd i had my arms crossed all day so no oneb could see. but everyone had to like galnce over and see if what kyle was saying is true. so now everyone in all my classes. are likee being weird to me. so i think im gunna try to stop. key word- try. - nicole. (6 Comments | Comment on this)

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