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Saturday, October 23rd, 2004
| Time | Event |
| 8:53a | flawless. last nite i went out w a couple of friends and ended up taking a pinkie full of blow and a ritalin. i was one happy camper let me tell ya lol. i havent done coke in OVER a yr and a half, and i finally broke it, go me. so much for my attempted sobriety. but yeah. the great thing about uppers is EVERYTHING MAKES SENSE, you dont feel any pain. its like "well it sucks. i can see that. and i dont care" idk, i guess im saying i recomend it? if you cant be safe be careful:@ce Current Music: jean-sartre experience : breathe |
| 10:40a | i got deleted. AGAIN blurty just loves fucking with my head. 3rd username in a week. its silent_tearsss. andd silent_tears_xo. this is my new name. hopefully this one wont get deleted too... well i broke up with my boyfriend of 11 fucking days. that was a real long relationship =/ . guys serisously suck. oh well. its just my heart shattering. not like it hasnt happened before. i just lke really love him. and in that 11 days.. i was actually happy. and didnt feel the need to cut. i think that was the only time i was truly happy in my life. and i would go back to them 11 days and redo it over and over again. just so i can be happy. i dont care how much ill want to kill myself everytime their over. well.. were still friends. which hurts even more. bc i sit there while my slut friend is sitting on his lao asking him to grab her ass. when all im thinking is. only if i had a razor. andd i cant cry. dont let me cry. ill cry later. when i get home. i just hate life. i hate it. i wish i could kill myself. that could end it all. and maybe ill be happy. im never gunna find a bf that loves me. im never gunna realize that the people who hit on my boyfriend when were going and and after we broke up are not my friends. and im never gunna fall in love and not get hurt. so i think - why bother living. it would just be too easy. to end it all. but of course i promised him i wouldnt. and i love him so much to keep that promise no matter what. i just wanna put a forcefeild around my self and have an alarm : guys stay away. DO NOT make her fall in love with you . i repeat do not . - yeah thats prolly really gay. lol. well sorry. i just had to rant. and my moms home. so ill comment later.. <3 nicole Current Mood:  crushedCurrent Music: greenday- american idiot |
| 3:56p | well lets see i think my docter is giving up or got a new job she cancelled an appointment and its been 2 weeks since....i almost killed myself on friday...cried for no reason on thursday for about an hour...carved the letters FU on my ankle which stands for Fucked up....i dont know what to do anymore... |
| 7:48p | I hate when ppl ask about my scars =/ i just dont know what to say... fkn idiots.Thats not their problem, so why they cant leave me alone? Current Music: Prāta Vētra - Es varētu iet līdz... |
| 10:55p | well where do I start! my ex told a bunch of ppl sum shit about me that I didn't want anyone to noe so i broke up with him and wutever. Then he calls me and tells me that he doesn't really care about me and is glad we broke up. Then online he's all like i don't wanna lose you and shit and w/e. It's been a few days since my last cut but when I did I cut too deep and almost passed out. I've been trying really hard not to cut but it's an addiction. My friend went thru my purse and found all my razor blades so i had to resort to my compass which didn't cut very deep, only scratched the serface. Current Mood:  calmCurrent Music: |
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