Friday, October 22nd, 2004

Time	Event
2:13p	the pain that breaks my heart each day..... i'm not okay. so my parents found out about me cutting not last night but the night before. my mom came in my room.. and yeah. i tried hiding it but the bloody rag fell... its hard when you have no door...didnt go to school the next day... the next moring i had to go to the doctor.. i'm now on lexapro which are anit-depressants/anti-anxiety pills. tommrow moring i have to go to my therapist with my mom. this all just sucks. i'm more pissed then anything. i'm pissed that they know, pissed that everyone keeps asking me questions, pissed that they keep making me live in the past. it's over with. if they stop talking about it and bringing it up to me i'll be fine. i just want it to go away. it still doesn't even seem real.. like it feels like they still don't know.. except i don't have a weight on my shoulders anymore. and i hate my therapist. ----amanda--- Current Mood: irritated Current Music: Senses Fail _=-_The Ground Folds (2 Comments | Comment on this)
3:43p	PLEASE READ Hey I was just wonderin…my mums been concerned with me lately…and she’s even asked if I wanted to see a psychiatrist/psychologist…but she doesn’t really know anything…she just knows of a few scratches (I think she’s slowly making the connection-only because she doesn’t want to believe herself has she taken this long) but I got up enough courage to tell her I wanted one…cuz theres been so many times this summer ive been on the edge, ready for death, and the only thing that stopped me was that fear of failure (which, in part, is what may have been the root of this ions ago) But yeah…to get to the point…do any of you have therapists/some sort of counseling? Im scared to do this…but I think it’s a step in the right direction…although my last friend I really talked to about therapy-her psychiatrist told her parents what was promised to be kept confidential-and I’m afraid that if I shame my parents anymore I’ll kill myself…will my psychiatrist tell??? I mean if I just talk about cutting and stress and stuff…they keep quiet right? Anyone…got any advice or something….pleeeeeease help me!!!! (14 Comments | Comment on this)
4:19p	watching my skin turn blue so i hadn't bruised my arm in a few months. oh well, it's pretty bad right now, swollen and everything. but instead of cutting i wrote all over my legs with a marker, lots of words and stuff. so i guess that's good. 3 weeks and 2 of my last cuts still haven't completely healed, still scabbed over. But they were pretty deep, and i keep picking at the scabs. So it's all my fault. Like everything else. geez, i deserve all of this. every scar, every bruise, every thought, i deserve all of it for being so stupid and pathetic and weak. i'm deliberaltely messing up my life and my relationship with Tony. i deserve whatever happens to me. (1 Comment | Comment on this)

<< Previous Day

2004/10/22 [Calendar]

Next Day >>