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Saturday, October 16th, 2004
| Time | Event |
| 11:40a | I HAVENT CUT IN LIKE A MONTH. thats my longest ever and i didnt realize it till like yesterday. wow im effin proud of myself. and i cant comment back to anyone cause of gay email address thing but thanks to anyone to comment, specially my last post, glad to know im not the only one. :D and ive come to the conclusion that its strictly sexual? haha cause like i dont want to like break up with brian cause i really dooo 'love' him alot and i barely know vin, and you know what I THINK ITS FADING, k i have to go take a test. THANKS AGAIN |
| 1:10p | Anyone that has a LJ, add me to your friends, my username is the same.. vindicated_x0. I'm gona use that more. You can add me to your blurty friends too. I love getting comments in my journals, and I love replying to them and commenting in other people's journals! =) Much Love, Laur |
| 1:10p | Anyone that has a LJ, add me to your friends, my username is the same.. vindicated_x0. I'm gona use that more. You can add me to your blurty friends too. I love getting comments in my journals, and I love replying to them and commenting in other people's journals! =) Much Love, Laur |
| 3:03p | havnt written here in a while...blah i hate this mom thinks ive stopped but havnt nor do i want to i also tried to make myself throw up 3 times didn't work now im starving my self again...have no friends in class so im pretty much a loner threw the whole year unless someone moves here or something so yeah ive been going deeper every time not meaning to but just do im really seeing no point in going on now really...ive come so close to actually commiting by taking pills it would prob. just feel like falling asleep.... |
| 5:58p | Hi, Hmm today was good. Haven't cut yet. The longest i've gone with ut cutting is 5 days I think. So I have a question about my cuts. I use a blade. But after i cut it's bleeds and so now. then when it stop i put my wrist band over it to cover it so no one will see. But then the next day it's a bit red and then i'm like hm yea whatever it's fine.. but before i go to bed i always take off my band to look at my cuts and they are all flakey and dry and stuff. Is this normal? or are they infected? and also. you know that vein on your wrist the one that runs right down the middle. well I cut over it awhile ago. and since then it's just become a bump then last night i cut over it. and all this blood started to buble and gush out. and the scab part feel of just now and it's all sort like the fliud that comes out of a zit looking stuff! I know it must sund gross but is this normal?! or is it plain infected!?!? well thanks alot -_x_D.an.a_x_- |
| 8:10p | been cutting a lot lately. so many things going on at once. its so hard |
| 11:55p | fuck hey kids. uhmmm ive been cutting alot more than usual lately, and that means once or twice in the last few weeks which is alot for me. they were done pretty close to eachother..one on a saturday and one the next friday. thats alot for me remember. i had almost completly stopped until i had a really freakin bad day at work so i went into the bathroom clutching my safety pin in hand. i let my arm have it. it felt so good. and lately ive totally been dreaming about doing 4 lines in a row on my forarm-my favorite place. but see my house is really hot so wearing a long sleeve or a sweatshirt all the time during the healing process would be too much. and i always forget :( my mom has been slipping into her old routine again with her pain pills and i dont like it. she used to take alot of them on purpose for her back and it would make her dopey and drunk acting/looking but then she went into detox and everything was fine. shes been doing it lately though, saying some junk about she needs to just for this week or w/e but im not sure i beleive her. idk i guess im going to have to see how it all goes. ugh i want to cut really badly. i was seriously, seriously contemplating it and i think im ganna just because this week=going to be disgustingly stressfull. i have two decent long sleeved shirts and arm warmers as well. i can pull it off. NOTE: all you freshmans and sophomores out there: DO YOUR SHIT IN SCHOOL. it will haunt you, TRUST ME. im taking freshman and sophomore classes and i shouldnt be. because i slacked off, for two fucking years. do it. it will bite you in the ass if you dont. this girl in my gym class sat down next to me because we both didnt get dressed that day, and we started talking. i glanced over at her arms(idk i do that now..i look at peoples bare arms and detect any signs of scars at all..im weird) and she had fresh cuts!!! i was like whoa..........but i didnt say anything. then a week later i looked(haha i was straining to see...she prolly thought i was a freak) and they had turned into scars. its weird. she doesnt even seem like that type. i guess you dont really know people, huh? i tell this one teachers aid guy all about my life sometimes. he asks, so i tell him and then we get into these day-altering conversations about it. its crazy. we've had serious disscusions about cutting, my being bisexual, homosexuals in general, therapy(more than once.) suicide...everything. out of the blue one day he asked me if i had suicidal tendecies and i said i used to but no. and he asks me about other kids, and drugs and all that. hes a cool guy, at least i can trust him. i have this thing at school, its actually a class, and we("we" being 4 or 5 students at a time) go into this room and talk. thats all. usually we talk about school and why we dont want to do our hmwk, problems we have with teachers or our schedules, other things that interfere with our academic performance and just other things like that. we have a supervisor that leads the discussion and its really cool. its called ISP and im really liking it. its a ood break in the day. holy hell...i wrote way too much. im going to go now and spare you kids any other reatarded writings by me. Current Mood:  tiredCurrent Music: step dads movies..star trek? lol what a weirdo |
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