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Saturday, October 9th, 2004
| Time | Event |
| 12:02p | I Need To Cut Wow im so freaking upset right now i just need to cut myself so badly, well right now im looking at suicide notes dont ask just bored, and everyones so pissed off at me, they dont even care, they dont know what i go through, everyday getting bitched out on... calling my shit, half the kids dont even know me but there jugding me, all because these two bitches started shit with me and my friend. No one gets it, thats why i need to cut. And to make it even worse the kid i absoutly adore, is asking out my best friend today and she doesnt even like him, but shes gonna say yes... how freaking great. Sometimes I wonder if i need to get more help... .. but come to think of it they didnt even help me. Current Mood: heartbroken Current Music: me crying |
| 12:04p | waala waala bing bang so last night was cool. we all left school early for some dumbass fire drill, than me and ryan went to maygins. we got stoned and dyed my hair. it was so cool. lol. i havent smoked in SO long- it fet good too. hmm.. and my hair tunred out good- im going back to her house todya though to make it brighter.. hmm.. than barret came. than we al went to dutchees for the free showing of spider man 2- i love that movie. me and ryan made joke about the girls saggy boobs. it was really funny. than we walked bak to my house but my dad was sleeping and he was sosed to bring everybody home- and i would get in trouble for waking him up so darrel took ryan home na dmay caught a ride with barret. i felt bad but o well.. i wonder how long it will take my rents to notice that i died my hair. they told me i couldnt but i really wanted to so i did. god- SO COOL. hahah. so tonight im working with lauren at the italian center in the coat room taking coats. we split the tip[s. people better tip well. cos i need soe moola. than tomorrow it might be off to the stormville flea market cos i love it there- and i will have money and maybe il find somehting cool, for myself and for tawny. cos her party is on friday. [looking forward to that] hmm.. than monmday prolly nothing we have off for columbus day- like we all reallt celebrate. em and corey were diuscussing haveing a colubus day dinner just for kicks. so maybe we really will. if not ill prolly just go to coreys and play with makeuip cos im really good at putitng it on other people and she always lets me- shes like my guinei pig cos i do some crazy stuff with maykep. whatever i think is cool or looks good i will do. its like art. ebing a makeup artist must be pretty cool. maybe thats what ill be when i grow up- or maybe not. laywer or english teacher. who knows?! not me. im gunna go call lo and see if shes bringing me tonight and than off to maygins. love you guys :D! <3-the kayster Current Mood:  chipperCurrent Music: some guy with a saw cutitng down a tree ;'[ |
| 1:17p | new poem NO ONE CAN SEE :100804 so we're coming down now you fell straight from the sky how do you expect me to love you so pure theres nothing to figure out but the figuring itself so whatre you going on again about oh theres no need to worry no dont think about me dont stop to think one forsaken second carry on forever friday strobe lights beckon we can wreck your car and go buy another hit the club and the stars and mostly each other dont count the years the months the days oh cuz youre so pretty now im expected to love you for youre absolutely transparent to me and youre carrying on as though nobody around us can see... *stay safe all* AcE Current Mood:  hyperCurrent Music: senses fail : bloody romance |
| 7:42p | So yeah i guess i really do have a problem. I think i am going to start cutting again like weekly its been happeing i am trying so hard not too. Becasue i cant hide it and its geting stupid i dont feel like i should have to hide something that is me. So yeah last night we had a so called "girls night" 4 girls and like 2 and a half grams of coke. And a whole night ahead of us. so yeah i felt so left out so i went downstairs and cut my self. well i was gonna write more but somehting imporant just came back. I will update more tomrow.... |
| 8:31p | *SIGH* Well, my hair is orange, James doesn't like it, and I'm depressed. Hmmm.... when is it going to get better again? lol... I guess i should be greatful for the life I have, but things are just so messed up. Inside of me, things are just going so wrong. I swear I can't do anything right. I thought that today was my dad's birthday, but I think it was a few days ago, when he called me. I'm such a loser. Who doesn't remember their dad's birthday? Jesus, he must feel like real crap right now. Maybe he'll understand how I've felt most of my life. But I didn't do it on purpose. He has a new girlfriend. Yes, another one. I'm hoping he'll stop the "swinger" life style. It hurts me. It sounds strange, but I don't want my dad sleeping with all of these women in foreign countries. I don't want him to wind up with AIDS. That's the last thing he needs. Plus, it's not like he needs another kid to run from. Fuck.... ima go cut. Current Mood:  confusedCurrent Music: The Distillers |
| 9:02p | why me :'( i hate my life so much sometimes :'( i just wanna be happy .. but then again what is happiness? Current Mood: emo Current Music: dashboard confessinal |
| 9:43p | I feel horrible. I just found out one of my best friends in the world has been in the hospital. (Online friend that's why I didn't know sooner) She had a minor concusion and was knocked out for over six hours. One of her close friends just told me by e-mail. Yet I feel so sick. Since there is absoulty nothing I can do. I can't talk to her. I can't see her. There's no point of e-mailing her since she may never get it. I can't even discribe how I feel at the moment. |
| 10:59p | explanation if anyone wonders, why i haven`t updated. it`s because this community isn`t what i thot it was going to be. i thot that everyone here, was going to help other people, or try to. but all everyone does is give details about how they cut, where, with what, & giving other people ideas that could very well hurt them more. no one ever comments, on half the people`s entries. nd it seems like no one is really helping anyone else. i don`t cut anymore & my last 2 entires were to say what anyone would say. nd, no one said anything. which just proves my point. if someone were suicidal, nd they posted about commiting suicide. chances are, no one would say anything. so, i think it`s kinda stupid. my person opinion is, you should talk about cutting & how it makes you feel. nd keep the bloody details to yourself, cusz i do admit by reading this i was tempted. you dont give details like 'blood dripping down my arms'.. if someones trying to stop, reading that is only going to antagonize them. so, i`m done here. hope i helped anyone at all or gave some good advice. bye everyone Current Mood:  annoyedCurrent Music: cky xx 96 quite bitter beings |
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