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Thursday, December 25th, 2003
| Time | Event |
| 1:18a | welll merry christmas everyone... i wish for the best. the past 3 days all ive been thinking about is making a big long cut down my arm... and its bothering me i was about to do it last night but i got distracted. and i'm trying to hold in till christmas is over so no one will know. well my cousin andrew is quiet. WEIRD beign that he use to be so loud cuz he has ADD but tonight my aunt said thats he quiet now. hm. theres one thing in common. see what happens tommorw. tonight he was with his dad. and tommrow morning everyones coming over my house for sasage and eggs. its like a family tradition. and every christmas morning i stay in my room. all i do is go down to get food then thats it. like last year i stayed in my room the whole time and played xbox. hm. then everyone leaves and about 3 were going over my aunts for dinner. shall be fun. not. <333 amanda Current Mood:  boredCurrent Music: |
| 3:48p | Merry Christmas everyone!! ;] I hope everyone got what they wanted and had a somewhat enjoyable christmas ;] Mine was ok...i mean i kno 99% of what i was getting anyway so it was not much of a suprize. But thats ok. I got up at 4.30am and opend mii stuff ;]] yay. Buh now that the gift opening is over....i dun seem like Christmas...i mean all the excitment leading up to this day and it ends in a flash....o-well. My dad called me and wanted me 2 come over 2 his house on saturday...I hate mii dad. Me and him used to be really close while I was growing up....buh then he got a girlfriend (him and my mom devorsed when i was 3) and ever sence her got a girlfriend he like never called me anymore or anything...he like totally droped his family to be with her...and now he starts calling me like nothing happend and he expects everything to be ok.....well its not and im not going to let it be ok....its bull shitt and i hate him. Kayla.Ryan.Lauren.Mike.Jesse- MERRY CHRISTMAS!!! I LOVE U GUYS!!! I HOPE U HAVE A GOOD DAY! well i hope everyone have a awesome day! I love u all. <3MERRY CHRISTMAS<3 -Maygin Current Mood:  awakeCurrent Music: Thursday |
| 9:08p | Christmas time. lets see. My mom made me cry, she told me she wanted to date again. OH YEAH MOM I JUST WANNA PUT MY HEART ON THE LINE TRUST ANOTHER GUY AND GET FUCKING HURT AGAIN! I THINK NOT! but no my opinion doesnt matter. Oh well. then my best friend is dating the guy that asked me out and Its liek wtf ur a dog dude but it seems liek shes allmost deprate shell date anyone. w/e im so sick of this UGHHH Why cant I just be dead allready? I mean honestly Its pointless for me to carry on. Im sick of being hrut im sick of all the stupid dumbass guys out there that cheat lie n play! its gay! i just ughh wish I were dead Im going on two weeks without cutting and Im pretty sure that im gonna fuck that up tonight. Oh but the one good thing is, Adam said He loved me! Not I luv ya or I luv u or I love ya or anything liek that he said i love you. ya know how spechaial to me that is. btu maybe im just getting my hopes up. Maybe hell just hurt me liek the rest of them... sumone shoot me please! **ah yes gotta love my typos. sry I was typing fast cuz yeah I have sumwhere to be and yeha lol** Current Mood:  depressedCurrent Music: SOIL[x]breakin me down |
| 10:39p | New kid Hi... I'm Kassi and I'm new. I'm not sure if I'm a cutter or an ex-cutter. I haven't cut myself in almost two weeks, but I'm not necissarily sure that that means that I've stopped. I guess since I joined this, I should explain why I cut myself. But first I guess I want to get a few things clear.... I really hate it when people pretend to have a horibble life and pretend to be in so much pain just for attention or to look "deep". It makes people who actually are in pain feel worse. Or at least it makes me feel worse knowing that we have people like that living in this world as if it's not already pathetic enough. Ok, I'm done ranting about that. The only person that I've told is my best friend Beth. But right now she's not much help because she's too absorbed in her boyfriend... =\ I think I have a few diffenert reasons as to why I cut myself. Life in general. I think that my life has no meaning. All I do is disappoint people. I've tried to live up to other peoples' standards and I'm tired of always being the disappointment. It's like everyday I get knocked down, and I spend so much time trying to get back up that I've just given up. I've come to the conclusion that I was a mistake. I just... I don't even know how to put into words exactly why I cut myself. I feel like I'm dieing mentally, so why the hell don't I just die all together? You know? I hate to bitch.... but I seriously have NO ONE now. I have a lot of friends now, but I know for a fact that they wouldn't ever understand something like this. I know they care about me, but this is like one of those situations where you're truely alone. I just don't want to tell my friends because I don't want to make them unhappy because of my problems. I try to cover everything up. I love to laugh and smile, but I also do that to make sure I don't bring others down. I dunno... I'm always alone. I have no one to go to when I'm in pain. I guess one of the reasons that I can actually pin point is my parents. Correct me if I'm wrong, but aren't parents supposed to CARE about their offspring? All my parents do is tell me how dumb I am and ALL THEY DO is put me down. And, not to sound arrogant or anything but I'm definately not dumb. I honestly don't know why they do this to me. And I've even told them how I felt, and I didn't get one signle "sorry". And another thing... I believe in God and I have faith in Him, but I don't understand why He would create me if my life has no meaning? I have nothing to liuve for. I know that I don't know what my futures holds.. But I'm so tired of trying to hang on because I can't anymore. I'm so sorry for whining and bitching... but I think this is the only place anyone might be able to understand. But on a happier note (for once) today is Christmas and I'm in an acceptionally good mood. I hope everyone had a good holiday, but I'm going to go. Bye. And I'm very sorry for being bitchy. Really, I am. And to anyone who took the time to read all this junk... thanks. =[ Hung in your room, swaying, hoping only that you'll see. All by myself, I'm alone in such poor company. The deeper I think, the deeper I seem to sink, I can't stop the insects that are feeding, pull the needles from beneath my skin. I broke myself, shattered, tied a bow around every peice. You'll love the eyes. Have they always shown so vacantly? The more I show the less you'll want to know. I can't stop the insects that are feeding, pull the needles from beneath my skin. Now I'm on display. I am becoming. Hurt myself today. It's all for you. Do you like what I'm becoming? Cut myself today. It's all for you. I part the night, flashing, approaching as I watch you flee. Pushed through your panes. Seems I've landed quite uncomfortably. But as I pass through souls of broken glass I can't stop the insects that are feeding. Pull the needles from beneath my skin. Current Mood: thirstyCurrent Music: "Irish Boys" Tsunami Bomb |
| 10:55p | New Member its weird. i was just searching through communities. and i happend to find this one. i just relized. i am a cutter. everyone thinks that i am this always hyper, funny, girl with all the answers. but i have so0 much that hurts me. and since i am the "girl with all the answers" theres noone i can talk 2. ive talked so0o many people out of hurting themselfs or doing somthing stupid. but i never to0k my own advice. i dont cry. everytime i got that disgusting feeling. like when yo0r about to0 spill yo0r tears. i to0k out my large saftey pin. dug in deep and made a new scar. it got so0 bad that i had my saftey pin attached 2 my bo0kbag. a heart above my left knee. a star on my right ankle. a circle on my hip. and lines on my arms and hands. it was like. knowing that all the bad things in my life will fade. but never go away. im so0 ashamed that i have to live with these scars for the rest of my life. |
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