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Tuesday, December 23rd, 2003
| Time | Event |
| 11:16a | so could you please, help me understand why you've given in to all these reckless dark desires you're lying to yourself again suicidal imbecile think about it, put it on the faultline what'll it take to get it through to you precious I'm over this, why do you wanna throw it away like this such a mess, why would i wanna watch you disconnect and self destruct one bullet at a time what's your rush now, everyone will have his day to die medicated, drama queen, picture perfect, numb belligerence narcisistic, drama queen, craving fame and all this decadence lying through your teeth again suicidal imbecile think about it, put it on the fautline what'll it take to get it through to you precious I'm over this, why do you wanna throw it away like this such a mess, why would i wanna watch you disconnect and self destruct one bullet at a time what's your rush now, everyone will have his day to die they were right about you they were right about you lying to my face again suicidal imbecile think about it, put it on the fautline what'll it take to get it through to you precious I'm over this , why do you wanna throw it away like this such a mess, over this, over this disconnect and self destruct, one bullet at a time what's your hurry, everyone will have his day to die if you choose to pull the trigger, should your drama prove sincere, do it somewhere far away from here Current Mood:  crazyCurrent Music: a perfect circle, "the outsider" |
| 2:18p | heylo hmm heylo im ew to the community...altho ive been an onlooker 4 sum time... (fank you endless tears!!) yersh so anyways here i am, i love this that i can write all my feeligns out here and what i've dun and what not cause some times i feel like im leading a double life and i dunno so many of my friends read my journal and yeah...wel hopfully u understand... a lil bout my self... my names gina im 13 (14 in feb woot woot) im in the 8th grade i live in jersey ive been cutting since the summer before 7th grade... i started after a suicide attempt... i didnt die but i found cutting so yay!... hmmm i listen 2 every kind of music i think scars are beautiful adn think tears of blood are beautiful ( like in the movie stigmata..if any 1's saw that) uhhh and im a loser HEy! but who isnt right?.... yeah ok so thats bout it... Current Mood:  contentCurrent Music: Otep- My Confession |
| 3:53p | bad day... first off.. the water in my shower was just hot... like SCORTCHINTG hot.. i burnt liek half my skin off.. not really but you get he idea.. first period.. ryan didnt show up.. so after last night's convo. with him i freaked a bit. had to watch ghandi the movie. it sucks. bad. second period. english. poo. got my essay back.. i got a 85.. bad compared to the 90's ive pulled in form that class.. but better then what i thought i was gunna get. that wasnt so bad but then we did some stupid word game and i hate alomst everysingle person in that class.. and we needed groups. yea.. im sure you all know how that is. well then 3rd period. gym.. ick. didnt change.. didnt feel like it. sat round. bored. end of third.. i was walking dowen the hall with this kid chris.. and a few other people. i was joking abotu how if we straingted his ahir then hed look like micheal jackson.. convo goes as follows.. Suzy-yea we'll straigten your hair. me-yup.. *toucheds his hair* you'll lok liek micheal jackson chris-no not funnny.. me-yea.. *laffs* him-no*laffs* me-straiten it him-stop cutting yourself *laffs* me-what? him-stop cutting yourself me-*ANGRY stare* him-what? me-*walks off with tears in eyes* yea.. that pissed me off.. as you can imagine.. so tghen 4th period.. science.. which sucked so much ass you have no idea. i hate that man0.. plus.. i HAD to use tha bathrum.. if any of you are getting mr drift.. [kerry and lo know.. lol kerr, the nurses office] and he wouldnt let me go even after i explained WHY i had to go.. he said no.. which was really bad.. but the bell rang shortly after.. then 5th period. chorus. i got a pass to the nurse but went to lunch instead. how comvieniant of mrs. kassa to be right there the whoel time. i dont liek her. shes mean and saks to many questions to ppl about me. well 5th wasnt too bad cept that chris kid showed up and said he didnt kow what he did.. then karlin was like yea well you syhood stop.. asnd im liek well i know i shood but its the WAY he said it.. but it doesnt matter abotu that.. o well.. and then 6th period.. spanish. we watched hte lion king in spanish. like the language. i hated it. made me want to cry. but i wanna watch it now. lol.. i was like 23984 mins. late for that class and no one noticed. i just rolled out for a bit. te 7th period lunch. i had the worst cramps.. and then sum lady took our pics. for the yearbook.. lol. monica gave me a present. its cute. that cheered me up a bit.. ohh and tawny gave me pipe cleaners t'day too which kept me amused. i made bracelets.well i hate my lunch.. its boring. these girls.. uhm i knwo some of um.. i dont liek um.. well they talk to amanda all the time.. and i dont believe amanda likes it very much seeing as she complains about it. they think theyre badass cos theyre sophmores.. o lord lets kiss the ground they walk on. i hate the ppl like that. liek these two girls in my chorus. think theyre badass cos theyre in 10th grade... ohh.. holy fuckin shit! no.. its retarted. they think they can tlka ot me however they want and i wont say shit cos im a freshman. *cough* mhmm.. yea .. right.. well anyways amanda called them dence. and they asked what it emant, though they clearly knew. so ya knwo when sumone puts you on the spot and u diont wanna be wroing so you dont answer. well i think thats what happned to amanda. s i to,d them. and they said *gasp* "ohmy.. that hurts.. why would u call us that" and i said. well.. cos ya are.. i mean.. c'mon.. end of that.. i dont liek them so i hop ethey start shit so i can kick some ass.. well thn 8th period math. .. man.. why does it xsist. worset calss of the day. teachers a retarts. stutters ans lisps.. cant understadn word. i sleep and write. eh.. my da cooda been worse. yea 8th period i liek went to the bathrum and stabbed a safty pin into my leg. it hurt. o well... post later.. mucho love, --- |
| 6:37p | New Okay well i'm new to the community. I've read the entries that are put in here alot. And i can relate to some people aswell. Although now i don't know why i cut anymore...I just...Do!? Well i'm off, I'll write another entry later. Cya -x- Current Mood:  depressed |
| 8:22p | MERRY BLOODY CHRISTMAS :-) well last night i fucking lost it and cut 11 times i was in a trance and couldnt stop until one of my friends finally grabbed my blade and threw it ive never went that fucking crazy i guess its that time of the year.................i want to wish everyone in are little family here a VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS i love u all so much i wouldnt know what do without your support *hugs everyone* i love and thank you all.............. |
| 8:37p | =/ Hey, this is my first post in this community, but Im not all that new, I just never posted. anyways.. What shall I say..? Ive been cutting for months and months. Maybe since July? So not that long. But its long enough. Why do I cut? I cut because I feel like I am always being criticized, and I feel I am not good enough. I cut when I get in a fight with a friend, I cut when I get in a fight with a parent, I cut when I get made fun of, I cut when I get anything lower than an A in school. I cut when my teacher calls on me in class, and I get an answer wrong. I guess this makes me a perfectionist, maybe? So, when I cut, its in perfect lines, perfect depth, perfect pain, everything. Lets see.. how are my cuts? They arent all that deep, just enough to swell or bleed. I only cut on the top of my arms. But sometimes I cut shaving my legs purposely. How Am I? Im ok now. I stopped cutting for a few weeks. Since Christmas time.. I haven't found a reason yet. I was suicidal for a good couple months, but now IM good. I used to not eat, or puke up my food. Im a sad kid, really. But, I guess Im just so lonely. I feel so unloved all the time. What is feels like after I cut? Its stings a little. Then I feel good. But, then I feel stupid. Then I regret it, until I get sad again. About me My name is Stephanie. I havent got many friends. I am always alone. I am 13 years young, with the mind of a mature 18year old. That's really all... thanks for your time. Current Mood:  blah |
| 8:45p | this is the same character as " cutxintobeauty " so hi. Hmmm me and my boyfriend broke up because we got in a fight and i cut myself over it and he got all upset because he felt guilty so he told me he coudlnt handle me cutting myself everytime we fight or something.. but were back together now. So thats good. and i saw the preview to the third harry potter which lifted my spirits past the sky.. my sleeping pills are awlsome, they make me feel like im high and i always take more than im suppose to and i give some to my friend. Its funny when were both on the pills, were so out of it. We were pretending that we were at a rave. haha. how silly. William ( my boyfriend ) got mad at me beause i abuse my pills and i smoke pot and stuff, i told him a quite.... but i didnt. So thats pretty much all thats been happening.. ~* MERRY CHRISTMAS *~ ya, i hope everyone gets all that they want for christmas.. Well... my dad got mad at me for no reason and hit me.. i have a purple ring around my fucking eye. My mom wont do anything. Its happened before just not in a long time. Then he told me i had to cover it with make up because tommorow were going over my aunt and uncles... just pray for me and that my dad wont hit me anymore. I know i a lot of people on here probally dont believe in God, and trust me i have my doubts too.. but i dont know what else to do because ive tried everything. So just pray for me anyways, if my dad goes back to the way he use to be.. i'll probally have another suicide attempt, and then i'll be in a clinic again.. God.. Life sucks so bad. I have enough shit going on without my dad being abusive again.. well later kids. <3 Kim Current Mood: worriedCurrent Music: jet black new year - thursday |
| 9:00p | 2marrows christmas eve eh i thought 1 of mii best friends ran away 2day....he was talking about runniin away last niight n then he was not in school 2day and i called him on mii cell from lunch and his dad said he was at school...and he like was not therr...so i was so scared, i was about 2 cry. Buh thank god he juzt stayed in his room all day. i dun kno wa i would do wiiith out ryan. I love him so much ;] anywayz....eh, school is so depressing. I hate seeing mike and lauren 2gether....its gross/depressing. Mike and Lauren are like G unit....they are a unit....you can't tell 1 of them sumthin wiith out the other 1 knowing...*Sigh* I talked 2 kyle on the phone last niight so that made me happy 4 a lil while...i guess. i want to be happy....plz juzt let me be happy. i love yall -maygin Current Mood: depressedCurrent Music: NOFX "falling in love" |
| 10:17p | Well, i would start off by welcoming the mass amounts of people that are joining this communttie, although i dont really have justifcation in doing so, seeing as i'm new as well, but hey, what the hell, WELCOME, blah, my lack of updates has been beucase i've been busy, or just to damned lazy, more of the 2nd though -.- but bah, here i am putting my life, so here goes, Finally off from christmas break, finally, no ore shit from the bastards at that horrid place, but blah, what does it matter, i suppose it doesnt, but its nice to get away from those bastards, dont get me wrong, there are some cool people there, just not enough for me to enjoy it in anyway... I went over to my ex-girlfriends for a christmas party, beucase well, i'm like a part of that family, so that was interesting, it would have been nicer if the ex hadent had a stick up her ass, but hey, they had these really good little cake things with choclate and peanut butter, so yeah... walked home, and that took a long hard toll on me, i shouldnt be allowed to think like that, just refelcting my life, just made me want to cut more, but i dont want to, well i do want to, blah, *punches self in face* i just... wish that things could be better, i know that i cant wish for that, but what am i to do, theres nothing i can do but wait, and how much patience do i really have? i just dont know, My brother and his friends god in a fight, and they took it out on my room, the little shits, not only did they tare apart my room, they put a hole in my water bed, so now i get to stair at my ceiling on top of the shit they left on my floor, (not that compfy) and worse yet i'm closer to where i keep my kinfe, but i'm going to try hard not to cut, i really am, i dont know why, i'm going to break, and i've come to accept this, but its just a matter of time, i really want to wait untill after i get back from my grandmas so i dont have any fresh cuts for them to easily pick out, ---- not that they dont already know,---- i just dont know what i'm doing in this life... i cant see myself doing anything with my future, i'm just a patetic waste, i should show myself just how much i hate me, but i cant do that, i cant even write, and thats fucking odd for me, thats usually all i do, but recently i've not realy written anything, and its pissing me off, blah well, this is where i would like to wish you all a merry christmas, and i hope santa clause comes down ur chimny twice, and all that wonderful stuff, |
| 10:28p | X-MAS hope everyone has a good x-mas. speaking of x i cut ....every nite this week and last week im going to carve x mas in my leg tonite... beautiful.... and work on my other scars so they show up better :) well i gtg wish u all well and hope no one evil (family) is evil .... i realize im repetitive sorry...well goodnite all and pleasting slitting. ~AnArChY Current Mood:  bitchyCurrent Music: none |
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