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Monday, December 1st, 2003
| Time | Event |
| 7:55a | Im in school riight now x.X im in school riight now...mii fav place in the world...*cought* yea riight. I droped spanish!!! so now i have a study hall and i can juzt hang out. Its really cool beacuse its riight after lunch and everything. so yea. I was about to cut last niight. i did a little cut on mii arm buh then something juzt got me 2 stop...it was weird. i mean useally when i cut i do a lot of cuts buh last niight i only did 1 =] yay. I dont know whatz going on in any of mii classes cuz i have be out of school for so long. Im so stressed out, it really sucks! o-wellz -maygin- Current Mood:  crankyCurrent Music: people talking |
| 3:21p | "sorry i drank up all your bacardi..... sorry i wanted to be your girlfriend again" ahaha.. i got a little 'drunk' im school. maygin bought im rum and dr.pepper and she didnt want it.. so i drank it up during first period. and i started getting really dizzy and the whole bit. i was tipsy as hell.. i thought it was soo funny. it didnt last all day.. but i wish it had, cos it mad eit easier to get threw the day. i liked it. lol. i dunno how much she put in there... but all i knwo is that if i drink rum or vodka.. it makes me GONE.. i dont have to drink alot either.. but it hink she said she put more than a shot in.. so yea.. it was funnie. hmm.. what else.. ive been owndering what made ryan finally tell... lo scared me cos she was liek "usually people dont tell stuff liek that unless theyre gunna kill thenselves" and i was like *eyes wide* i kinda freaked a bit.. so yea but i dont think hes gunna.. lol.. i just wonder what fnally made him tell.. lol.. *ponders* o well i wont spen too much time on think about christmas.. i like christmas.. its fun.. i like the smell and all but its also sad cos i wish we had it better aroudn the holidays.. like i wish things were'nt like they are cos it in some ways makes everything so much more sad.. but whatever.. i prolly shoodnt think about that so much either.. x.kayla.x Current Mood:  mischievous |
| 5:49p | havent cut in like what..a week? id say im doing pretty damn good. at least for me thats good. if i dont find out what me and hunter are soon i think im going to go crazy and end up slashing every part of my body. im scared tho, that hunter doesnt want the same from us that i do and i already totally freaked out once when nothing major happened..and if he doesnt like me 2 then i think i might actually do serious damage. and i am fully aware that guys shouldnt have this much affect on me and i know some of yall think its pathetic or w/e but if u do then keep ur comments to urself, dont just hate on me. Current Mood:  confusedCurrent Music: love just is |
| 6:34p | heylo So hey everyone.... scho0l was so horribly boring i hated it...i got questioned alot by the cuts on my arm...they still havent healed :0(...then i saw my friend who knew i cut kinda glance at it.. she seemed suspcious or sumthing.. i have realized something...no more cutting on my arms...no where visible.. i cant get away with anything and if i keep acting liek a moron cutting in a "very visible" spot im gonna get caught...so i decided to only cut on my inner ankle wich is covered with high socks....::sigh::... i did it last night.. 5 cuts i couldnt stop... i needed to see the blood...well im goign to go now...ttyl u guys later mwahz Current Mood:  crushedCurrent Music: All i want for X-mas * Britney Spears |
| 8:27p | ..SoO cOnFusEd.. Well... Its been a few days since I've said anything..For anybody who reads this..Im typing this as I feel the words come...so bear with me on how much sense it makes.. ~I got a picture in the mail today..It was of Josh and his new girlfriend...I got really upset and ran to the bathroom to cry...I sat with the shower running for about ooh 45 minutes...I only cut once today..Im doing a little better...I've thought about salting again..people are starting to check my arms again for cuts..damn them.. I'm so confused with Kyle I dont know what to do..I didn't get to talk to him last night..my phone was being gay...he stills wants to have sex..but I don' know if i want to with us not being in a relasonship...But I dont know..maybe somebody could comment on this topic...Dan was the only person on the i-net when I got on after my crying fest so I told him about everything..the Josh thing from when I was a kid to finally admitting I was cutting again..hes not to happy with me...He'll get over it..he has a new girlfriend he can worry about..and I sorta have one of my own..boyfriend so to say...I got out a new razor blade..hopefully my mom wont notice..I doubt she will..She knows something is up but I dont think she will admit to herself if she thinks I am cutting again..It tore her up the 1st time I dont think she will admit it a second time..I do feel really bad for the aspect of hurting her so badly again if she finds out..But its a risk I'll have to make. Kaiti is also cutting again..whether or not many people know I'm not sure yet..My act of being soo very happy is working very well right now..nobody knows how unhappy I really am..And I dont expeect them to figure it out either..Well its about time to get off.. ~*Sarah Dawn Current Mood: confusedCurrent Music: faith hill..breathe |
| 9:24p | %f.U.c.K% holy fucking hell...people piss me off more than anything else in the world...I am surprised I have gone this long without pulling out the blade that makes me bleed till I laugh...but I can't stay away this long...and the thing is...is no one did anything to me...they did it to my best friend...she's my other half...and when people fuck with her...they fuck with me...and they don't wanna do that. I'm off to make myself laugh...by making myself cry. Kels Current Mood: enragedCurrent Music: the steam rising out of my fucking head |
| 10:58p | hm. hey everyone, how are you doing? well i cut a little today, with a shaving razor, i turned it sideways and angled it. slice. kris got very upset when i told him... the reason why is because i am an asshole... my friend nicole who lives near me but goes to a different school said something about my best friend ryan as a joke, and i repeated it when i was hanging out with kris+his friends. horrible mistake. they taunted ryan, who now doesn't even want to speak to me any more. why is it alwayslike this? i always royally fuck up friendships. and this is no different. i realized....i have no good, solid, best friends now. none. i need a best friend. i see kayla and suzy, who just met this year, happy and hugging each other and getting along. and suzy had a huge party which seemed to be open. (her away message was "party at my house saturday") so i said something about it when i was talking to ryan. he was on the phone with suzy, and she said sorry but you can't come cos i have too many people coming. idk that shouldn't have really hurt but it just really did. i wish that i had ONE SOLID PERSON that i could invite over, that i could have as my best friend. late night sleepovers, talking and hanging out. going out together, and just....being best friends. but this will never fucking work for me. i'm just too dysfunctional in friendships. Current Mood: lonelyCurrent Music: Mars Volta x I Cut My Teeth |
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