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Friday, November 28th, 2003
| Time | Event |
| 1:18a | happy turkey day everyone. trying hard not to cut, which i know i'm gonna do tommorw. that girl i told you guys about... the one that slit her wrists well comes to find out that she cuts.... not just did it that one time... never would have thought. i want to talk to her. i really do but she doesnt like me and i'm scared i might say the wrong thing or if i come out to her and show her my cuts that when she's on one of her anger attacks that it might come out to her mom and her mom will defenttly tell my mom.... and at the rate my mom is with this girl.. i dont think i can see her like that when it's her own daughter. today she was talking to my aunt about it and she was saying how its sad how someone can do that to themselves... and something about attention, and being servirly depressed and that theres something really wrong with the person who does it... i just sat there and hid my arm. i didn't say anything. i didnt want to say anything. if they think its for attention then to me, there wrong. its not that at all. i hate getting attention. i hate it so much. it bothers me even for the people who do get attention. i think it's sick. i'm proably going to cut tommorw between the hours of 7:30 and 11:30 pm.... cause i'll admit i'm jelous. jelous that my cousin and her friend are going ot the Brand New concert. they had 4 extra tickets and i could have gone but my fucking mom and aunt wouldn't meet halfway on sunday to get me back home becasue its thanksgiving weekend and the damn traffic... my mom would have did it and my other cousin could have met her half way but my aunt was feeding into him saying no theres traffic...!@!@!##!@ i'm so fucking mad... i love them and i had a chance to see them... GA tickets to...... so that blows major ass... now i'm more upset cause i can't go.... w/.e... hopefully theres a next fucking time. -manda Current Mood:  jealousCurrent Music: |
| 7:24a | fuck FUCK. kris (boyfriend) and i had sex. and i feel fucking horrible. IM SUCH A FUCKING WHORE WE'VE ONLY BEEN GOING OUT FOR LESS THAN AMONTH WHY god. i hate this. i do. why did i do itwith him. i gave him one of the last things i had left. my virginity. fuck. i'm...worthless. ipromised myself i would be with a guy half a year before. FUCK. Current Mood: awful. Current Music: kris and his friends making up a deathmetal song. |
| 11:28a | do do dee doop. yeh goin to the mall tonite w/ amanda n travis and travis's friends, maybe do some xmas shopping, i have money for once *dun dun dun* so yeh idk not much to write ill ttyl |
| 4:17p | hello Hi....my names Becca and im new to this community. I joined it so i can find people liek me who cut. Ok bout my self... Well the stereotype of cutters is either goth,punk etc.. people who dont have many friends n whatnot. Well see regular peopel cut too like me.. Im not punk or anything im actually kinda preppy and popular. See i cut because im sad. Im very very paranoid and i dotn know why. To escpae from all the stress and everything is to cut. But know woudl ever believe me cause i dont look the part. to all the cutters who feel liek i do im 100 percent behind ya. Please comment if u kno how feel. Id liek to talk. Current Mood:  grumpyCurrent Music: |
| 10:24p | you crash and you burn. you wreck and you learn. first entry, i just joined, yep *waves* im kinda mellow right now cuz i jus cut a few min ago.. *sigh* i wont go too into my probs in the first entry cuz that'd be stupid of me.. if u wanna no more bout me comment here or in my journal <3 kel |
| 10:35p | my brain sometimes i wish my brain couldnt think.. cos it lets me travel back to all my mistakes.. and my past.. and all that.. today i went to the mall with lo, ryan, jesse and *shutter* dan.. it was intresting.. i was pretty much bitchy the whole day for a few reasons.. and i dunno.. --i feel like sucha loser.. mostly asll today the reason i was pissed is cos i was trying to think.. and i was thinking.. i crawled away into a corner at walden books and tried to escape.. but aluren found me.. and i actedliek i was reading,, tho i wasnt.. and she decided to stay and TALK to me.. which i didnt enjoy but i didnt say anything and let her be.. and i kept getting room spins.. and my body wood feel super heavy and dense.. like i coodnt move.. and no i wasnt on anything.. and then mike showed up and i felt liek i didnt nkow himn.. like i had NEVER met him beforee.. and i think i pissed him off.. but i cant rememerbwhat he did to make me bitch at him.. i cannot escapr this feeling.. that i am being looked down upon. that i am nothing.. even though i KNOW i am loved by my friends.. i just feel this. and i cant shake it. i feel liek someone is always trying to put me down, and i dunno.. i just dont liek how i feel liek that. and i dont liek when people ask me whats worng.. when i tell them nothing.. adn htey KNOW something is bother ing me.. why ask.. im not gunan say.. cos mostly.. i dont know.. i cant explain.. or i do know.. and i wont say.. cos im scared people will make fun.. blah.. so ive been thinking.. alot. -- i . kayla kaufman.. DO... believe love can happen.. yes.. i know.. hypocrytee.. but sush.. cos i rethink it over.. love is a facade.. but it can happen. i guess.. im just waiting for it.. i dont feel like getting into my new theory on love... too long.. --ive realized that i have problems aside from cutting.. i havent cut by the way... cos i just dont have energy.. which i guess is good.. -im crying.. and i need somehting.. but i dont knwo what it is.. i dont nkwo what makes me sad liek this. thinking.. thats wehat it is.. i think.. about everything.. i just.. uggg.. i justy dont knowwwww... *screams* people.. just.. gad.. ghet me down.. i wanna think.. just spend a day thinking.. so i get it all out.. i wanna spend a week saying what i really feel and think. i keep so much stuff to myself.. so much.. that no one ever knows about. and doesnt suspect. and prolly doesnt care about.. but it might intregue some.. and i feel liek the loner. like no ones getting threw the storm to my comand center.. again.. the sail has a hole in it.. its so crazy.. what iu feel.. is aken for granit even by me.. im so used to feeling unvalued.. i just dont knwo why i bother tlaking..and im just too blah to tyoe.. ill continue later.. |
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