Wednesday, November 19th, 2003

Time	Event
2:03a	Have you ever, just felt so weak that you felt like nothing was worth working for? Have you ever, been down so low you felt like you'd never climb back up to your heights? Have you ever, just wanted to bleed just to make sure everything you feel is real? Have you ever, just wished for once that you'd die right then, so everything would be over? Have you ever, lost that one friend that you thought would be there forever? Have you ever, remembered the things that passed so fast, just to start crying? Have you ever, wondered what could have been, what should have been? Have you ever, hated yourself from the what ifs that you never took a chance on? Have you ever, felt the regret on your heart make you feel like your drowning? Have you ever, dreamed late at night that maybe someday you'd be in her place? Have you ever, missed someone so much, you didn't know what to do with yourself? Have you ever, wanted to kill yourself, because the pain from the past hurts, but looking forwards hurts so much more? Have you ever, just wanted to call the once long ago friend just to say hi, but come to realize, it's not like that anymore? Have you ever, wondered what life would be like if you weren't here? Have you ever, stopped to think, if you'd be missed if you died right now? Have you ever, gone to sleep after a fight with a loved one, and dreamed about what if I don't wake up? Have you ever, loved someone with all that you are, just to have them neglect your feelings? Have you ever, wanted something so much, but were to scared to take the leap to catch it? Have you ever, reached so high to the stars, just to get pushed back to the depths of who you are? Have you ever, had friends that said they'd be there for you always and forever, just to turn around and realize they were fake? Have you ever, wondered what makes a person fake? Have you ever, looked at someone, and saw right through them, and realized they were acting like something they weren't to "fit" in? Have you ever, felt sorry for these people? Have you ever, just wanted to lock yourself in your room and listen to that sad music that brings back all the memories? Have you ever, talked to yourself while looking into the pouring rain? Have you ever, thought how life would be without me in it? Have you ever, wondered why I take a blade to myself? Have you ever, thought it was because of you? (i didnt write this..and i did ask the person...if i could post it before i did...didnt wannabe disrespectful...as her blurty said...) (3 Comments | Comment on this)
11:48a	my mum is goin to court. therepy is resurfacing everything. im having flashbacks agian. and the nightmare wont go away. help me. im falling father away from the people i really need. Current Mood: blank Current Music: goo goo dolls [x] everthings made to be broken (3 Comments | Comment on this)
12:42p	Why is my mom such a frikin retard! Im nto kidding. Its gettign to the ridiculous point We cant have a conversation She doesnt think Cutting is a problem she thinks it will jsut go away on its own she thinks I "learned: it fro ma book or sumthin and she hasnt called councelors to get me help or w/e she thinks it will ruin "us" cps will take me away! UGHHHH does anyone know any books, or anything I can tell her to make her understand this, I mena we can usually talk about n e thign and this we cant... tahnks for the support guys Current Mood: sick Current Music: Nothin Im sick (6 Comments | Comment on this)
3:45p	tears im crying rite now.. i feeel like sucha failure.. my grades suck.. im grounded forever... and i just dont live up to everyone else in my family.. and htey rub it in soo much... and i hate it... im just never good enough for anything.. no one cares... and i hate it.. why doesnt anyone care., what did i do to deserve this? i mean i ant telll themm the real reason i havent been concentrating on my skool work.. i cant.. adn they woodnt care anyways.. and i hate htis.. im going to guidance.. thats it.. ive decided.. i dont knwo when.. and i dont know what im gunna say.. btu im sick of this.. i HATE it more than anything.. i hate me more than anything... alidgahsdh/gkj Current Mood: down (5 Comments | Comment on this)
6:11p	ok. I dig at my skin, and sometimes it'll break out in bumps around it ( I dont know why) and theres this one bump that has been there for like 3 weeks, and it was making a large part of my arm sore. So today it starting looking purple, and so i squeezed on it, and all this blood shot out, and it kept bleeding. If anyone has had this experience, comment please. And another thing, Im wondering if it could be a sign of blood poisening or something. If so could you tell me, or give me a site that could let me know. Naturally i dont want to go to my parents about it. I have a phobia of hospitals. Well thanks again. <3 Kat Current Mood: discontent Current Music: amanda is talking.... ugh. :0/. (2 Comments | Comment on this)

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