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Thursday, November 13th, 2003
| Time | Event |
| 12:04a | Ugh. I must say, I've read this community for awhile, because one of my friends is in it. You all complain about someone bitching about boy problems, and you say that's not a reason to cut. So tell me what is a reason to cut? There is no right or wrong answer, everyone cuts for a different reason. And for your self-centered asses to put someone down because they cut due to a boyfriend is just read. How do you justify this? Do you realize, that why you sit there and you put someone down because of what seems like petty problems to you, tears into someone else, puts them down lower then they are? Maybe you should stop being such self-centered people. This is a community that's based upon support, about helping people to stop cutting. No where in this community does it say someone has to cut for a certain reason. If you don't like it why don't you make a communited dedicated to people that cut, because of "stress". You'd realize that stress comes from having a boyfriend, stress comes from everyday life. You act like you're something better then someone that has boyfriend problems, it seems to me you're just jealous. Jealous because they had someone that they cared about, and you don't. If I choose to cut because my friend hasn't talked to me that's my problem, and if I feel I want to share it with the people of this community I will, I'll share it for support, not for your negative put downs on the matter. If you don't like the fact that some people have boy problems DON'T READ THE FUCKING POST. If I felt the urge to go slice myself into nothingness, because my best friend is sitting in a hospital bed NOT talking, that's my choice, and if I wanted to write about it in here, that'd be my choice as well. No one ties you down and makes you read the post. You read it because you chose too. You all seem to forget the reason for this community. It is for cutters to help cutters, no matter why one chooses to cut. You can't say that your cutting is more reasonable then someone elses. It's bullshit, and you need to get off of your fucking petal stole that makes you think you are so much better then someone. The reason, that I posted this was because earlier this week, I wrote a post up for Wickedly_Torn, aka, Tara. She has boy problems, she's had a lot of them actually. And you sitting there acting like you're something better just PISSES me off. Because frankly as far as I'm concerned your not better then her. She wrote about problems she had with a guy in here, does that make her less of a person then you are? Do you feel like you should get a fucking medal because you don't have guy issues? |
| 8:52a | name: Courtney age: 14 disorders: i dont kno? 0. Do you cut? yes 1. Who do you hide SI from? whoever i can 2. Who knows about it? A lot of people 3. How long has it been since you last cut? almost a month. 4. Have you ever tried to commit suicide before? yea 5. Where do you usually cut? forearms 6. When you cut, who's usually the first to find out? No one unles they see or i slip up 7. What's your worst experience with a fresh cut? my health teacher saw me doin it in his class 8. Do you have a fascination with scabs? no 9. Do you like scars, yes or no? yes 10. Do you name your razor? nope 11. What other methods of SI do you use? burning and cuttin are the main 12. Do you dislike the term "self mutilation"? yeah kinda it sounds so... i dont kno... 13. What various ways do you use to hide cuts? longsleeved shirts, sweat shirts, crossing my arms 14. Once cuts heal, do you still hide the scars? not usually 15. Ever been institutionalized/hospitalized for SI'ing? no.... 16. Do you ever run into problems with hiding cuts (i.e: gym change rooms)? yes...i live in az so swimmin is a problem and gym is too cuz its almsot always hot 17. What's the best part about cutting to you? Helps with emotional pain 18. Do you know of any songs that talk about SI? yes 20. What instrument do you use to cut? razor,xacto knife, safty pin, um knife 21. What causes you to cut? Me, dad, friends, a buncha shit 22. What do you feel afterwards? calm and relived 23. What is your closest Close Call? No close calls just my mom actually finding out 24. How long have you been doing it? oh i'd say 2 years 25. Do you keep a razor in your bag? sometimes 26. Ever needed stitches for a cut so deep? nope 27. Do you have someone like a therapist you talk to regularly? yes...i have 2 therapists and 1 friend 28. Are your parents divorced? Yes, but i would rather it be that way..i hate my dad Current Mood:  uncomfortableCurrent Music: hot hot heat--make up the breakdown (i think?) |
| 8:58a | droppin a note jus sayin hi. hows everyone doin? i been pretty good. so thats all :D <3 alycia Current Mood: sick |
| 9:07a | Well Monday night my mom was driving me to a concert adn I was liek Mom u made a wrong turn and she was liek no I didnt, and she droove me to St. Lukes mental behavioral Center. AKA a mental hospital. I got really mad at her for sum reason, I mean I have asked her for help and stuff, but I was just mad, then I sat down and there was this guy in a hospital gown(older guy) and he was like talkign to his sister in the chair in frount of me and he asked her will you be more hurt or embarrassed by my suicide? I was like Oh mah Gawd! and yeah it was just I didnt knwo what to act like or do or anything. When the therapist finally saw me or w.e he asked me a bunch of questions and pretty much told me that it could be my hormones. HELL OWHO FUCKING SHREDS THEMSELVES BECAUSE OF HORMONES! ffs! what a moron! btu yeah he didnt want to admit me because I need to have a councelor and be on medication b4 anything. He thinks I ma deppressed to, Yeha hello buddy I wouldnt be doing this if i wernt depressed! But yeah in a way I really wanted to be in the hospital, to get better...to get help....btu then again I would have learned new and better ways to cut, even in a controlled environment such as a hospital...that could be good or bad......hmmm....Well I slipped last night, it have been liek 2 weekssince I last cut and I just reallly needed to do it, and I mean, it actually fuckin hurt, I honestly dont know why but the first few ones hurt, it was really strange, it seems liek the longer I wait to cut..the more it hurts...Well, my dilema here is...I dont want scars really...I mean they r beautiful and all but sum get ugly, and I just wanna be able to wear a prom dress ya know, and I dont wanna have to have these nasty deep puffy purple scars and stuff ya know,so now I put neosporin on right after I cut and stuff, but it kinda makes me feel bad now, becuase I kinda want some there to keep me in check, but Everytime sumone sees them I feel like crap, its liek Ive been vialated ya know....Idk, but I just wish there would be a sign of hope for me, to stop or to get help, or to finally see this therapist...OR SOMETHING! I realllllly Need it! Becasue the more I talk about my problems just like this the more I want to cut and the more I am gonna cut, and its not the way to be, I mean I love watching the razor go in, and feeling the pain and then it numbing itself, and watching the blood bubble up and chase the razor, but then inserting it again and agina wipping it back and forth causing a flow oof blood....Its like the best thing in the world to me......I just cant live like this anymore tho....and now that Im in tears and I dont know why.....I just feel the need to cut....Cut reallly bad to hurt myself for being so iggnorant and stupid and emotional about nothing.... Current Mood: crappy |
| 11:58a | name: Megan age: 14 disorders: major clinical depression, OCD, Self mutilation, etc 0. Do you cut? yes 1. Who do you hide SI from? nobody really, everyone knows 2. Who knows about it? everyone 3. How long has it been since you last cut? like, a week 4. Have you ever tried to commit suicide before? yea 5. Where do you usually cut? forearms and wrists.. i used to do thighs alot more.. and ive done like biceps and thighs and underarms n shit.. thats about it thuogh.. n once on my stomache.. lol 6. When you cut, who's usually the first to find out? one of my friends 7. What's your worst experience with a fresh cut? uh it hurt really bad n was bleeding for fucking ever and it was a huge gaping cut and it was iopen n u could see the muscle n shit it was jus sick lol n i could barely walk 8. Do you have a fascination with scabs? no not really.. haha 9. Do you like scars, yes or no? yes, sometimes i dont though 10. Do you name your razor? haha what the fuck! no 11. What other methods of SI do you use? burning sometimes.. with lighters and shit.. i have tons of smileys all over.. but usually just cutting 12. Do you dislike the term "self mutilation"? nah.. lol it sounds worse.. and it sounds all scientific but w/e 13. What various ways do you use to hide cuts? sweatshirts.. pants, long sleeved shirts.. bracelets, etc 14. Once cuts heal, do you still hide the scars? nope 15. Ever been institutionalized/hospitalized for SI'ing? yep 16. Do you ever run into problems with hiding cuts (i.e: gym change rooms)? yah.. lol i dont even hide them 17. What's the best part about cutting to you? its something i can count on.. and i dont know.. like that lyric from Iris by the goo goo dolls.. "when everything feels like the movies, yeah you bleed just to know you're alive.." 18. Do you know of any songs that talk about SI? yep.. strawberry gashes, hurt, my favorite thing, last resort, etc 20. What instrument do you use to cut? razors, knives, glass, etc 21. What causes you to cut? friends, boyfriends, school, parents, insecurities, emotions, i dont know.. everything 22. What do you feel afterwards? calm and numb 23. What is your closest Close Call? in dieing or getting caught? cuz i get caught all the time.. dieing im not so sure about 24. How long have you been doing it? since the beginning of 8th grade.. so like a year since im in the9th grade and its november.. 25. Do you keep a razor in your bag? yeah 26. Ever needed stitches for a cut so deep? yes but i didnt get stitches 27. Do you have someone like a therapist you talk to regularly? nope, i used to.. fuck that shit though 28. Are your parents divorced? yep. i hate my mom.. my dads the shit. Current Mood:  blahCurrent Music: Stabbing westward- save yourself |
| 12:32p | name: Miranda age: 20 disorders: Manic Depression, OCD, Ana/Mia 0. Do you cut? Yes 1. Who do you hide SI from? Everyone. 2. Who knows about it? My Fiancee - It's to hard to hide the scars, my therapist, and my doctor. 3. How long has it been since you last cut? Last Night 4. Have you ever tried to commit suicide before? I've slit my wrists the right way but I only hit part of my vein. 5. Where do you usually cut? On my thighs and the inner part of my upper arm. 6. When you cut, who's usually the first to find out? Phil - my fiancee 7. What's your worst experience with a fresh cut? I went to deep and had to go to the emergency room. 8. Do you have a fascination with scabs? I like to pick at them but thats about it. 9. Do you like scars, yes or no? Sometimes I love my scars other times I hate myself for doing that to myself. 10. Do you name your razor? I don't have just one. I like the feel of mutiple types of cuts. 11. What other methods of SI do you use? I burned for about a year and I still do occasionally. 12. Do you dislike the term "self mutilation"? It doesn't bother me too much. I'm going to cut no matter what they call it. 13. What various ways do you use to hide cuts? Long sleeves, pants, sweatshirts. 14. Once cuts heal, do you still hide the scars? As much as I can. I usually cut where only one person sees though. 15. Ever been institutionalized/hospitalized for SI'ing? Yes, twice. 16. Do you ever run into problems with hiding cuts (i.e: gym change rooms)? When I'm having sex with my fiancee. 17. What's the best part about cutting to you? The high and controll I get 18. Do you know of any songs that talk about SI? NIN - Hurt, Deftones - Knife Party At The Niko, Jack Off Jill - Strawberry Gashes, Silver Chair - My Favorite Thing, etc. 20. What instrument do you use to cut? Razors, knives, pins, glass and a few times I used a bobby pin. 21. What causes you to cut? Just about everything in my life. 22. What do you feel afterwards? Calm and numb 23. What is your closest Close Call? Cutting so bad that I passed out. My fiancee didn't find me for 4 hours. They told me I could have bled to death. I wish they would have let me. 24. How long have you been doing it? 7 years 25. Do you keep a razor in your bag? No but I have them laying all over the place. 26. Ever needed stitches for a cut so deep? Yes 27. Do you have someone like a therapist you talk to regularly? yes 28. Are your parents divorced? No Current Mood:  amusedCurrent Music: Three Days Grace - (I Hate) Everything About You |
| 1:45p | I'm doing a psychology project on cutting and I was wondering if anyone would be willing to write me a short little story on how they started cutting, as a third or first person account. I thought that making up a story would sound lame and i didn't want to use my own because im not a very good liar if people were to ask if it were about me. so Just leave them as a comment, that'd be amazing! thanks a ton! |
| 3:33p | name: Becky age: 16 disorders: Clinical Depression, too many anxiety problems to name, and everyone but my therapist thinks im a boderline. 0. Do you cut? yes 1. Who do you hide SI from? everyone 2. Who knows about it? a lot of people know i used to. only one knows that ive started again. 3. How long has it been since you last cut? last night 4. Have you ever tried to commit suicide before? yeah 5. Where do you usually cut? forearms, wrists, ankles, and my hip. 6. When you cut, who's usually the first to find out? i tell ted 7. What's your worst experience with a fresh cut? non-stop bleeding. 8. Do you have a fascination with scabs? no.. 9. Do you like scars, yes or no? i love them. 10. Do you name your razor? nah 11. What other methods of SI do you use? cutting, wrist banging, and when i have anxiety attacks i claw at my face and neck. 12. Do you dislike the term "self mutilation"? highly dislike it. 13. What various ways do you use to hide cuts? bracelets, wristbands, clothes. 14. Once cuts heal, do you still hide the scars? sometimes 15. Ever been institutionalized/hospitalized for SI'ing? eh.. sorta.. its a weird story 16. Do you ever run into problems with hiding cuts (i.e: gym change rooms)? yea 17. What's the best part about cutting to you? the power i get. and the rush. 18. Do you know of any songs that talk about SI? yup 20. What instrument do you use to cut? razors, safety pins, tumbtacks, sharp plastic.. 21. What causes you to cut? stress, depression and sometimes nothing at all. 22. What do you feel afterwards? calm, relazed, and almost a high feeling. 23. What is your closest Close Call? mom almost walking in on me.. umm.. the non-stop bleeding. 24. How long have you been doing it? 4 years, with a half year gap. so 3 1/2 25. Do you keep a razor in your bag? no, safety pins.. 26. Ever needed stitches for a cut so deep? no 27. Do you have someone like a therapist you talk to regularly? yea, but idont tell her about my SI. 28. Are your parents divorced? no |
| 6:02p | I am so lost. I don't even kno what to do anymore. My best friend doesn't even care, she is too busy wiht him and hes the reason for me being lost. I don't undertstand why he hates me. i thought we were friends. I hate my life it sucks. I have no friends and the friedns i thought i havehate me and talk about me. See if i am talking about someone i would just tell them to your face for some reason these people don't do that. I think its better to tell the person to their face. I am a very nice person, so why would he hate me. I hate him for hateing me and for doing everything he has done. But i like him alot. but that still has nothing to do wiht it. I guess i am just moaking myself crazy for pretty much nothing. I am just back where i started a few years ago, With nothing. But i hope everyone else is doing well?? |
| 7:32p | i officially hate men, for the past 2 days chris hasnt come to lunch so im like ugh, fuck it. i told amanda (or anyone sees chris b4 lunch) to tell him i said forget wut i wrote, i mean c'mon if you asked some one out then they didn't come to lunch *the only time you saw them* would you be like fuck it too? i know hes at skool, cuz i saw him goin through the door and i was like ok, well maybe hell go to lunch, but he didn't so im like w/e. so yeh. i hate men >.< im d/l a good charlotte song * i don't care i can listen to them if i want! * and the video is about ppl who've lost someone to suicide and im like *crys* omg i love this song! (hold on<-the song) and damon used to sing one part of it "hold on, if you feel like letting go, hold on, it gets better than you know" or something like that im not too sure on the last part, he would say it at random, but i remember. even if you dont like good charlotte, just look @ the lyrics, there cooly. so yeh during rotc i was sitting on this kids steve's lap lol. it was funny. i felt loved to cuz he put his arm around me kinda but im like wee! love. idk i just need some one. im kinda dependant, and i just need some one there fer me cuz idk, i like knowing im wanted. maybe i should go for him lol. lol, he duct-taped his shoe back together cuz the bottom pretty much fell off. idk, hes good at cracking backs too, i feel like i can bend all sorts of ways after he cracks my back. lol. and come to find out today too, that amanda d. got it out of randall that he does like me but were both afraid of fucking up the group, like if we have a bad break up or suttin, then kyle might get mad at me thinking its my fault and not talk to me n amanda cuz idk, and amanda or some one might think its randalls fault and not talk to kyle n randall, and so yeh. idk. i just want my life to be back on an ok road instead of teetering on the edge of a cliff. *sighs* ppl r gay. um.......*thinks* yeh *hums* yeh im done. |
| 8:29p | I sLiPpEd! Yeah yeah, I slipped up today. I ditched school, and I found out where my mom hid the Razors, ya know the kinda that u scrap stickers off the mirror wiht ,the flat kind, and then the one thats liek orange, and you push it up and it looks liek a pen type thing ya know what I mean...Yeah and I tried to use it, btu they fuckin sucked ass, Im not kidding, no blood or n e thing, they wre dull or sumthing. So I went back to using my little tiny razor (half of a shaving razor blade) and Omg it wors wonders Im not kidding, just like skimming it across ur skin w/o pressing makes a nice cut, can u imagine pressing! Oh god it felt sooo good, it hurt at first, but then ong watching the blood drip down my amr felt and looked soo...right and so relieving and soo....just sooo damn GOOD! and then yeah I tried my wrist, I was actually really scared amazingly, Cuz you can see my veins right threough my skin ya know, and I was afraid I was gonan cut one, so I barely did it, just enough to get a red line...I know a pussy cut, but I didnt wanan ya know Kill myself, not today n e ways a week ago hell yeah I even had the pills down in me and I was gettign ready to cut my wrists down and shit but I coudlnt, I was cryign and shaking too bad. But n e ways yeah I slipped, I cut deep in my leg once....then on my arms a few times and my left arm I went down with the blade and I cut, Yak nwo the kind that truns whilte and THEN bleeds majorly, Oh eyah Niceness! ~*~CC~*~ Current Mood: chipper |
| 8:40p | aweseom quotee "Why am i fighting to live, if im juzt living to die?" Current Mood: depressedCurrent Music: nothing |
| 9:31p | hey you guys...i hope that you are all doing well...im doing better...still in the hospital...but my mom brought me a laptop...so i figured id let you guys know that im doing okay...theyve got me on some nifty drug thing...and now i think im a secret agent...you wouldnt understand it saddens me to see...that people are beginning to i guess i would say think that they are superior over others because of the reasons they cut...there isnt a right or a wrong reason...and like trina said...everyone that says that there is...is self-centered...these people dont come in here...to hear you bitch about how petty their cutting issues are...no where on here does it say you have to cut for a certain reason...all that matters is that we all cut...and use to cut...your suppose to be there for support for them...not to give them negative comments...but comments of support...and help... but anyways..i hope that you are all doing well....and the people that seem to get the negative comments...and the people that someone is constantly bitching at...i hope youre not letting it get to you...be strong...and keep your head up... Current Mood: hungry |
| 9:35p | i dont know what to do.. i saw my psychologist tonight. it was hard confessing to the shit i did last night but i told her. i told her how i almost overdosed and how i cut my wrists. and maybe i shouldnt have because she said she has to tell my mom since it consists of hurting myself. i just want to forget last night. i dont want her telling my mom. just think of the things she'll say. i dont feel like explaining why i do this to myself. i really have no energy. i just wanna keep this shit to myself. why does everyone have to know. i dont want my own mom to know. she would search my room and take away my knives. she would hide the pills. and i will go crazy not being able to hurt myself. i had tears in my eyes. i shouldnt have told her. why did i even say anything. i started getting aggrevated. now i understand why people dont go for help. because you cant trust anyone. she said she wouldnt tell my parents, but eventually they will find out once i go for my psyciatric evaluation. i have to be honest with the psychiatrist and than he/she will tell my mom. what am i to do. im screwed either way. i dont want to stop hurting myself. there was a time where i did. but now i dont want to. i witness a feeling of calmness and relief when im in my room spilling blood... or popping pills. she said if i had taken any other pills.. and overdosed... i would have died. damnit why didnt i do that. i cant believe how close i was. closer to death than cutting my wrist. but...i..dont..wanna..stop. and i dont want help anymore. i regret it. i just want to fucking die. i had to make a commitment to not hurt myself. but i told her i couldnt promise anything. i can "try" not to. its so hard. i dont think she understands. she was just sitting there eating ice cream... hearing my rants. i mean wut the fuck. i felt like running out of there. i want to run away and just dissappear. im not sure if i want to go on anti-depressants now. i just dont want to stop hurting myself. i dont want my parents finding out. i dont wanna be sent away but maybe its best for me. i am getting worse everyday. i am stuck here. there is no one else to hear me out. i feel lost but i dont want to tell anyone anything anymore. im going to continue to harm myself and just not tell her. i have to lie. i cant be truthful. i dont wanna be taken away from my happiness.. my blades.. dont take me away from them. they are my friends. i need them. why couldnt i be normal like my brother and my sister. why do i have to be this way. my mom will hurt more than i do if she finds out. i dont want her to. i made such a big mistake with trying to get help. its making me feel worse. fuck this shit. why cant she just say "if it makes u feel better... than just cut"... why does she have to make me stop... i dont want to... please...i dont know what to do... Current Mood:  confusedCurrent Music: i miss you x blink 182 |
| 9:43p | yupp 0. Do you cut? well. yes. 1. Who do you hide SI from? my family, teachers, most kids at school... and sum friends.. 2. Who knows about it? sum friends [ie. lo.may.ryan.jesse.mike.dana.i think a few more] and i think my dad suspects. 3. How long has it been since you last cut? last nite. 4. Have you ever tried to commit suicide before? yes. 5. Where do you usually cut? wrists. forearms.upper thigh. waist. 6. When you cut, who's usually the first to find out? jesse or lo 7. What's your worst experience with a fresh cut? it bled for hours. i didnt know what to do so i slept with a washcloth over it.. 8. Do you have a fascination with scabs? yes 9. Do you like scars, yes or no? i think they are so beautiful. 10. Do you name your razor? no 11. What other methods of SI do you use? od'ing and burning 12. Do you dislike the term "self mutilation"? kinda.. it makes it sound so .. wrong. 13. What various ways do you use to hide cuts? sweatshirts, armbands, pants, 14. Once cuts heal, do you still hide the scars? if theyre really pretty then no. but sumtimes yes. 15. Ever been institutionalized/hospitalized for SI'ing? no 16. Do you ever run into problems with hiding cuts (i.e: gym change rooms)? yes.. sumtimes when its bad i dont change.. other then that i find a way to hide it. 17. What's the best part about cutting to you? watching the blood drip over my skin. the adrenaline, watching it.. man... 18. Do you know of any songs that talk about SI? yes'm 20. What instrument do you use to cut? razor, safty pins, ive used the edgeof tiolet paper dispensers, sweing needles, knifes, .. etc... 21. What causes you to cut? my family.. the way i see myself, 'love'[hah], people around me.. 22. What do you feel afterwards? liek shit. sickened by myself.. sumtimes relieved. 23. What is your closest Close Call? a teacher noticeing my cuts. 24. How long have you been doing it? 2 years on again off again 25. Do you keep a razor in your bag? yes, always. 26. Ever needed stitches for a cut so deep? prolly.. but my handy washcloth was there.. 27. Do you have someone like a therapist you talk to regularly? i dont knwo how to go about getting one. 28. Are your parents divorced? sum wishes never come true. |
| 10:21p | Reply to forgottenchild-- Good Charlotte have a lot of good songs... like their new single "Hold On" which has always been one of my favorites about not giving up on life. theres one called "The Day that I Die" which is a pretty damn good song... my parents hate it because its like "the happiest day of my life is the day that i die" and at the concert Benji was saying how its a clebration of after life (which we all know he was lieing) and theres 3 more "Say Anything" "Young And Hopeless" and "Emotionless" (which is about Benji and Joels dad, but its pretty sad) there are all pretty sad... i jsut thought i should put it out there even though some of you might not like them but to me they helped me A LOT. check them out... some of you just might love at least one of the songs. and if your looking for something violent check out "Bloddy Valentine". you wont regret it. -manda Current Mood: cold |
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