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Tuesday, November 11th, 2003
| Time | Event |
| 1:09a | well last week in science i ended up cutting two of my fingers with a razor blade that i started to bring to school. thank god i had band aids because it wouldn't stop bleeding. they stung like a bitch for a while. the best part was when i put pressure on them.. it felt so cool. and that night i must have hit my finger on something becasue it was bleeding again so i guess i cut pretty deep. oh well... i havent cut in about 4 days? i'm starting to get the urge just hopefully i can hold back. i was actaully hyper in school today for once. i was shocked in myself. it was weird... but i know that's not going to last a long time...we'll see oh and my dad did come back... the day after he went to the hospital.. on thursday my parents are going away untill sunday night and i think i'm staying at my aunts house. it won't be so bad becasue i get the whole basment to myself and my own bed and own bathroom so that's pretty cool. and i get some quiteness for once as long as i dont go upstairs and be with my 4 yr old cousin and 11 yr old cousin kayla.. shes pretty cool though, she acts a lot older then she is so thats cool... just don't let me click and everything will be ok -manda |
| 2:44p | Hello, this isn't Tara. I was asked to post for her. Tara is in the hospital, and may not be back for awhile. She wanted me to wish you all luck, and hopes that you all take care of yourselves. Katrina. |
| 4:00p | I talk to the stars at night. Wishing that everyhting was the way it used to be. I talk to the stars when i have to talk to someone. ALot of people say they talk to god. But i don't belive in that.. There is nothing in my life that would make me belive that there is someone somewhere watching me helping me. The more and more i try... The worse things get... Which makes it harder to try to believe. Things don't seem to be getting better... It just kills me inside. I wish someone would stop the world and throw my off, and end my sadness. Current Mood:  highCurrent Music: Cold Stupid Girl |
| 6:49p | so yea.. so yes.. i went to mieks today, and he was being a big asshole. so yea. after that i feel like total shit cos he made me feel responsible for him getting yelled at. and he kept poking fun at me for me not wanting really anyone to touch me.. hes an asshole.. we watched girl inturrupted. i luv that movie. but that combined with him and everyone made me wanna whipe out my razor. or maybe try burning myself.. i dunno. its cold..... very very very cold here. and i hate it. i wanna go away from here. i cant stand these people im firced to spend my days with. i feel like everyone hates me tho everyone says they dont. no one remembers me. everyone forgets abut me and it makes me fel like shit. everyone forgets my name, and it bothers me. im nothing. i think that people just TRY and make me feel like shit and make me be liek this. cos no one seems to care that i hate the way im treated or hate the way i am. cos everyone hates me. or at least it seems it. i feel like i dont have anyone anymore. im just here for people to yell at. ugg... i cant STAND this anymore! AHHHRRRRGGGG!!!! i dunno what to say, i cant really discribe this shit. oh fuck it.. Current Mood:  stressed |
| 6:49p | so yea.. so yes.. i went to mieks today, and he was being a big asshole. so yea. after that i feel like total shit cos he made me feel responsible for him getting yelled at. and he kept poking fun at me for me not wanting really anyone to touch me.. hes an asshole.. we watched girl inturrupted. i luv that movie. but that combined with him and everyone made me wanna whipe out my razor. or maybe try burning myself.. i dunno. its cold..... very very very cold here. and i hate it. i wanna go away from here. i cant stand these people im firced to spend my days with. i feel like everyone hates me tho everyone says they dont. no one remembers me. everyone forgets abut me and it makes me fel like shit. everyone forgets my name, and it bothers me. im nothing. i think that people just TRY and make me feel like shit and make me be liek this. cos no one seems to care that i hate the way im treated or hate the way i am. cos everyone hates me. or at least it seems it. i feel like i dont have anyone anymore. im just here for people to yell at. ugg... i cant STAND this anymore! AHHHRRRRGGGG!!!! i dunno what to say, i cant really discribe this shit. oh fuck it.. Current Mood: stressed |
| 6:49p | so yea.. so yes.. i went to mieks today, and he was being a big asshole. so yea. after that i feel like total shit cos he made me feel responsible for him getting yelled at. and he kept poking fun at me for me not wanting really anyone to touch me.. hes an asshole.. we watched girl inturrupted. i luv that movie. but that combined with him and everyone made me wanna whipe out my razor. or maybe try burning myself.. i dunno. its cold..... very very very cold here. and i hate it. i wanna go away from here. i cant stand these people im firced to spend my days with. i feel like everyone hates me tho everyone says they dont. no one remembers me. everyone forgets abut me and it makes me fel like shit. everyone forgets my name, and it bothers me. im nothing. i think that people just TRY and make me feel like shit and make me be liek this. cos no one seems to care that i hate the way im treated or hate the way i am. cos everyone hates me. or at least it seems it. i feel like i dont have anyone anymore. im just here for people to yell at. ugg... i cant STAND this anymore! AHHHRRRRGGGG!!!! i dunno what to say, i cant really discribe this shit. oh fuck it.. Current Mood: stressed |
| 11:09p | I haven't cut in so long. And I've been really happy lately. But tonight was different. I got that feeling again. That feeling that something bad was going to happen if I didn't. So. I did. I took a razor, and cut on my hip. The sting feels so amazing. So comforting. |
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